I’ve posted this story several times and get asked about it every year if I don’t post it on time. So, here it is…..again.
A number of years ago (seems like a couple of years but I think it’s been fifteen), my hair stylist said she was making cranberry sauce for Christmas dinner. She said she had a very unique recipe that involved adding pork rinds. I was startled and said, “Doesn’t that give it an odd texture?” She said no, that it only added to the flavor. We discussed the idea of unusual recipes and I decided I would give Pork Rind Cranberry Sauce a try.
As I was walking out the door I turned to ask her, “How much of the pork rinds do you put into the cranberry sauce?” She said, “Only a fourth of a cup or so. I just get the small bottles of port wine and use about half of a bottle.”
Oops. Port Wine, not Pork Rinds. I never told her about my misunderstanding, but I’m glad I checked again. Life can be like that!
How to Think and Grow Rich (and also how to get things done).
Napoleon Hill (1883-1970), the author of the most well-known self-help book ever published–Think and Grow Rich–emphasized action rather than only thinking, wishing and dreaming.
“Don’t wait. The time will never
be just right.”
“Patience, Persistence and Perspiration makes an unbeatable
combination for success.”
“Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire
and begin at once, whether you are ready or not,
to put this plan into action.”
That last quote fits several people who have worked with me to produce a Worship Without Worry seminar in their area, in the last few months (and it also can fit you in your work and life):
*Tim Hawkins, U.S. Attorneys Office, Boise, Idaho (He’s the Law Enforcement Coordinator and Intelligence Specialist and a nice man!)
*Tony Snow, Reserve Deputy with the Etowah County, Alabama Sheriff’s Department (Tony and that Reserve Force are tremendous workers in many ways.)
*Lee Nathans, Security Director of Temple Israel in Columbus, Ohio (Also chair of the Bexley, Ohio Police-Community advisory board.)
*Steve Campbell, pastor of the Garden Church and Better Way Ministries, also in Columbus (He and Wanda are busy every day and night with a challenging urban ministry.)
*Mark Mitchell of Foothill Family Church near Irvine, California (A business person who gives of himself to his work, family and church, continuously.)
*Jim Caauwe, Crime Prevention Specialist for the Savage, Minnesota, Police Department (This man knows how to make things happen! He had an accomplished law enforcement career and now is involved with a zillion things in the Savage community.)
*Dorothy Strebe, Operations Director for Triumph Lutheran Church, Moorhead, Minnesota (Sheriff Bill Bergquist started the project but relied on Dorothy to arrange it and coordinate it–and she certainly did.)
*Chief of Police David Bentrud, Waite Park, MN, Police Department (We have a seminar set for February 27th, 2014–and he only made the first contact a few weeks ago That is some quick action!)
What they all have in common is that they started, worked hard, took care of details and finished a project successfully. They didn’t just talk about one day hosting a seminar, they went from asking about making it happen to bringing all the elements together–and they took care of details that make a difference.
By comparison, I know people who have been talking for years about wanting to do a lot of things–not just hosting a seminar, but also about finances, fitness, relationships, clearing clutter or dealing with a work problem. They will probably still be talking about all of those things in five years, because they’re waiting for conditions to be right, better weather, someone to help, a new boss, less other things going on, more support, etc., etc.
What Napoleon Hill would say: Think and Grow Rich, provides steps to success, based on visualizing the success you seek and aiming your life toward it. The essence of his advice on how to get what you want:
1.) Clearly picture what you want, in great detail. Make it the vision towards which you aim your energies.
2.) Decide what it will take in time, effort, cost, sacrifice, etc., to get what you want.
3.) Starting working toward your goal and never give up until you get what you want–then keep paying the price to maintain it.
There is more to the book and his concepts, of course–but those really are the main steps. They have helped millions of people find ways to accomplish their goals. They also point the way to how to get any project started and finished. Yes, the one you’ve been thinking about but haven’t worked on yet. Yes, the one you’ve procrastinated about for weeks, months or years. Yes, even the one you think seems close to impossible.
Napoleon Hill didn’t say this next thought, but he should have: “You’ll never be able to drive anywhere if you wait for all the lights to turn green at once.” None of the people I listed, above, made a list of why they couldn’t get a seminar produced in their communities–they simply said they wanted to produce one and the next thing I knew, it happened.
How you can apply it: Write down something you would like to accomplish or have talked about doing or have on a wish list for yourself. Do something toward that project or goal before you go to bed tonight–preferably something constructive that starts to overcome the inertia that has kept you essentially motionless. Over the next days, weeks and months, whatever time it takes, do something every day to keep going and keep going and keep going, until you can see the successful finished product.
There is a lot of work involved in that brief overview, I realize that. But, once you start and move forward just a bit, things will happen and it will become easier. Honest!
Napoleon Hill (1883-1970)
The Best Food In the World!
My mother, Creola Kincaid Lewis, worked in the Fish, Pet and Plants department of the Woolworth store in Arkansas City, Kansas, in the 1950s and 1960s. Every dime she made went to support our family, so eating at the lunch counter was a rare treat. But, sometimes my brother and I were given that treat! When we did, my favorite thing was a Grilled Cheese Sandwich and a Vanilla Malt or a Deluxe Baked Ham Sandwich and a Strawberry Malt.
I once asked my mother, “Don’t you think this is the best food in the world?” I doubt that she did, especially since she was a tremendously good cook. However, I know she liked eating at the lunch counter as much as I did, because we planned those special lunches as if they were big events.
Not long ago a seller on e-bay, scram85, offered a 1964 menu and used the photos shown here. 1964! I would have held a menu just like it, as a teenager. I wanted it very much and bid it up to $205 before I dropped out. It sold for a little over that. I was probably lucky someone else was more impulsive than me. However, I may always regret not going just a few dollars more in an effort to buy it.
Incidentally, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that the wonderful food I enjoyed at the Woolworth lunch counter couldn’t have been enjoyed by black children or adults until the mid to late 1960’s. Sadly, it took sit-ins by black college students, and a willingness to go to jail and face sometimes unsupportive local justice systems, for that to change. ( In 1998, Lisa Cozzens–at the time a student at Brown University–published an excellent online resource about those events and others related to the Civil Rights Movement in the United States.)
Nowadays I eat at restaurants more than I want to, although none of them have counter service. If they did, I probably would rather sit at a table and I would probably think the food was edible but not wonderful. Nevertheless, I wish I could ask Ms. Lucille, who managed the lunch counter at Woolworth’s, to fix me a sandwich and a malt. And, I wish Mom and I could sit together at the counter and enjoy it.
Have you ever eaten at at Woolworth’s lunch counter?
You don’t have to referee every day–just stop the fighting.
There are few workplaces without at least some minor conflicts and irritations. Those are part of most relationships, working or otherwise, and are usually tolerated well enough that they don’t effect work or the quality of work life. However, some workplaces have ongoing, simmering feuds, daily vengeful actions and verbal warfare that makes work miserable for everyone.
Fighting between employees hurts morale, lowers the quality of work, takes the focus off customers and clients and indicates poor management, supervision and leadership. The biggest negative result is that work stops being fun and starts being a daily verbal and mental brawl. If you are a supervisor or manager, your responsibility is to stop fighting quickly and completely. If you are a coworker, you should show your displeasure, never support fighting and ask for help to get it stopped.
What takes a temporary disagreement or conflict to the level of a fight? Consider the boxing jargon that fits many situations: Frequent and unpleasant verbal sparring, hitting below the belt, sucker punches, blind-siding, bum’s rush, body-slam, gut punch, low blow, jab, pulling no punches. Listen for frequent angry comments and complaining, sniping, insults, mocking and all of the behavior that fits bullying. The difference is that in fights both sides usually keep it going.
How to stop fighting:
1. Don’t let it get started and stop it the moment you see a fight developing. You may need to work on something that is ongoing now, but while you’re doing that, don’t let anything else get started. “Gina, I can tell you’re upset and I can understand why. But, we’re not going to have an ongoing fight in the office, so let’s get this thing between you and Lisa out in the open and work on it.” “Kyle, you spent the meeting taking jabs at Ron. Don’t do that again.” “I heard the snippy remarks you made to Linda over the phone. That’s not the way we deal with disagreements here. So, tell me what happened with that conversation.”
2. Find out the root cause and make some judgments. Yes, I know that goes against everything you were taught in the class on conflict resolution. But, the truth is that sometimes one person is wrong and the other is at least less wrong–or even completely right. Bullies rely on having managers take the “You’re both in the right and you’re both in the wrong” approach. Have the courage to say, “You treated her rudely. Stop it right now and don’t ever do it again.” (Yaaaaaaay for the people who have put up with that rude person for years!) Good judgment is a trait we admire in people–have the courage to show it yourself.
3. Don’t contribute to fighting in an effort to be supportive. If you can help solve a problem, do it and move on. Don’t have a role in keeping it going by encouraging an escalation of comments and actions or by shrugging and figuring they’re adults and they’ll work it out. If they could or if they wanted to, they would have by now.
4. Start a Peace Rally in the office. Do not let another unit, section, team or group become identified as the Evil Empire that must be resisted and hated. Talk about individuals rather than the whole group. Mention anything positive that is done by the other group. Take action about the things that are problematic, if you have that authority. But, if you don’t have the authority, accept that life will be more pleasant if everyone can get over being so sensitized about the group they perceive as the enemy. If it’s tolerable, tolerate it. If it’s intolerable, make a decision about it.
Are there people in your workplace who you wish would get along better? The fact that you are aware of their dislike is reason enough for them to stop whatever they’re doing that makes it so obvious. (And, I’ll bet when you think about it, one person does more than the other. Be honest about it and don’t put the blame on both of them equally.)
5. Be the one who lets your entire workplace be saved by the bell. Even if you are not a manager, you can start the process of having managers and supervisors intervene. You can do more than you think you can. If you are a manager, do what it takes to stop fighting and get the fighters focused on something else. One thing is for sure: If anyone is going to throw in the towel, it shouldn’t be you. Stick with your efforts until work becomes a safe and pleasant place to be.
In the last few weeks several people, in different career fields and positions, have made comments to me about feeling phony, like a fake, and as though they are playing a part in a bad play.
“Sometimes I feel like the biggest fake in the world.”
“I feel like an actor playing a part. It wears me out so much I can hardly wait to get home and just be me.”
“If they had known what was going on inside my head they wouldn’t have been so impressed.”
“I feel like a hypocrite when I’m coaching employees, because it sounds like I have my act together, but I know I don’t. In fact, in some ways they’re doing a better job than I am.”
Each of those people were seemingly successful, well-adjusted, happy and confident–but their conversation certainly was not. They felt unequal to tasks they were being given, undeserving of praise and unimpressive. They didn’t seem to be afraid they would be found out–they just disliked feeling phony.
Walt Whitman’s poem, “Crossing Brooklyn Ferry” has lines that fit all of us who sometimes wonder if everyone else is so full of self-doubt (sometimes self-loathing) as we are, and so full of unpleasant thoughts and impulses.
“It is not upon you alone the dark patches fall,
The dark threw its patches down upon me also.
The best I had done seem’d to me blank and suspicious,
My great thoughts as I supposed them, were they not in reality, meager?”
Nor is it you alone who know what it is to be evil,
I am he who knew what it was to be evil,
I too knitted the old knot of contrariety,
Blabbed, blushed, resented, lied, stole, grudged,
Had guile, anger, lust, hot wishes I dared not speak,
Was wayward, vain, greedy, shallow, sly, cowardly, malignant,
The wolf, the snake, the hog, not wanting in me,
The cheating look, the frivolous word, the adulterous wish, not wanting,
Refusals, hates, postponements, meanness, laziness, none of these wanting,
Lived the same life with the rest, the same old laughing, gnawing, sleeping,
Played the part that still looks back on the actor or actress,
The same old role, that role that is what we make it, as great as we like,
Or as small as we like, or both great and small.”
Or, as my friend, Jeff Adams, pastor of Graceway Church in Kansas City, Missouri, says: “We’re all pretty much big messes.” Walt Whitman would agree.
What about you? Do you sometimes feel like a phony or a fake, or as though the view that others have of you is much better than the view you have of yourself?
Pay Attention To The Noise You Make While Eating and Drinking.
No, That’s Not Being Picky.
On the Ask the Workplace Doctors site, a frequent complaint involves coworkers who eat and drink noisily–especially those who do it almost constantly during the workday or shift. We hear about food odors as well as noise. This summer I’ve heard complaints about the noise of thermal sipper cups. (First is the slurping-sipping sound, then the “ka-thunk” as the ice falls back into the cup.) It sounds picky, until you have to listen to it all day, every day. It’s distracting and irritating–and it is unncessary.
One employee said, “I’m surrounded by people crunching carrots, rustling food bags, guzzling drinks, chewing ice, slurping hot chocolate, blowing on soup then sipping it repeatedly from a spoon, munching on celery sticks, glugging from a bottle, and at least three or four people who politely but obviously, burp. Right at this moment I can smell said chocolate as well pizza, egg rolls, burritos, leftovers of something and a hot dog–and it is not lunch time. With some of them, the eating never stops. One coworker consumes a bag of carrots a day, so the chomp, chomp sound is almost continuous. I want to scream!”
A reality of worklife is that working in close quarters requires some adjustments. Every employee has to have the courtesy and good sense to realize that to the person who isn’t eating, the sounds of eating can be very noisy and very irritating. The solution is easy:
1.) Use the break room as the eating area, not your desk or work station.
2.) Pour your beverage into a glass or cup, if using your thermal container makes noise.
3.) Stop grazing all day–or leave the desk to do it.
4.) Be courteous and mannerly about the impact you have on those around you when you eat and drink.
I don’t think that’s too much to ask! But, an employee told me when he asked a coworker to please stop chomping ice all day, the coworker gave him a pair of earplugs and brought in an even bigger cup of ice. That is when it becomes obvious that peers are not always able to get cooperation. The supervisor is responsible for the workplace environment and supervisory intervention may be necessary.
If you are a supervisor or manager, consider talking to employees individually (not in a blast email) about the noises and smells caused by eating at desks or work stations. Then, informally monitor it when you are walking around the area. You don’t have to create a tough rule and enforce it, simply remind people of the potential for bothering others and ask for courtesy. Let employees know they can talk to you if there is a distracting or irritating situation developing. That means you may need to do something about it–the tough part for many supervisors.
If the situation is more than minor (chewing carrots all day, chomping on ice or making other eating or drinking noises), and requests for courtesy aren’t helping, you will have to tell the bothersome employee to stop. Don’t worry, the employee won’t starve or die of thirst. But a bunch of other employees will probably silently thank you!
Life is Like This
I recently—finally—finished the second edition of A Preparation Guide for the Assessment Center Method, Charles C. Thomas Publishers. (Assessment Centers are processes often used in public safety promotional testing and there is far more to being prepared for them than many people realize.) Michael Thomas, Editor-In-Chief, had been gently encouraging me to finish the second edition since, oh, about 2006. By 2012 I felt quite guilty and in February, 2013, I essentially rewrote the whole thing.
A 38 MB document with 3 MB of text. In the process of rewriting the book I changed headings, styles, chapters, table of contents, bold to italics, italics to bold, lists to text, text to lists and rewrote some chapters several times. As I worked, my Word program became slower and slower and froze up repeatedly. I blamed my old computer. Finally, the document looked perfect! I felt elated as I saved the last tweaked page. Then, I noticed that my document was 38 MB! That couldn’t be right!
I cut and pasted each chapter into another document. The sum of all the chapters was 3 MB. When I looked at the Properties of the remaining blank document I saw that it was 0 pages, 0 paragraphs and 0 characters, but those 0 items totaled 35 MB.
What went wrong: At some point, “Track Changes” had been checked on that document. In addition, in the process of making changes but not closing the document correctly on a few occasions, the file had become corrupted. The result was that the page on the screen was blank and the Properties information showed no text, but underneath it all, behind the scenes in that document, there was 35 Megabytes of stuff and things. It was errors I thought I had eliminated and poorly written text that I certainly did not want to be part of my perfect document. I still have that blank bunch of junk in a file folder, as a reminder about myself and those with whom I communicate every day.
The junk and corruption behind the pages of your life. Benjamin Franklin once said he would live his life from beginning to end in the same general way. Then, he added, “All I would ask should be the privilege of an author, to correct, in a second edition, certain errors of the first.”
Many of us spend our time trying to rewrite, edit, improve and correct our lives. We swear to clean up our act and move forward in a better way—and often we do. But, we can’t un-check the “Track Changes” button in our bodies and brains. It’s all there, behind the scenes, often slowing us down and freezing us up and we don’t even know why. Even when we correct mistakes, something is left behind.
We’re all big messes. The same thing is true in the lives of those with whom we interact. We see one thing but underneath is something quite different. We can’t know what is underneath, but it is at least good to remind ourselves regularly that it is there. My friend, Jeff Adams, pastor of Graceway Church in Kansas City, Missouri, often says, “We’re all pretty much big messes and it’s a wonder God loves any of us.”
We are millions or billions of Megabytes of errors, corrections, junk and corrupted material, hidden by tidy margins, nice headings and carefully edited text.
Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote to his daughter, after she told him how a mistake from her past was still haunting her:
Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; but get rid of them and forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, and you should never encumber its potentialities and invitations with the dread of the past. You should not waste a moment of today on the rottenness of yesterday.
I agree with that sentiment, for the most part. But, Mr. Emerson never used Word.
Type the story of your life carefully–this isn’t a draft version.
Joe Tichio has created Greatest Inspirational Quotes: 365 Days to more Happiness, Success and Motivation. It would make a wonderful and very inexpensive ($2.99) gift for yourself and others who have a Kindle or a Kindle reader on their computers. I have free Kindle readers on my laptop and desk computers, so I can read electronically without buying another electronic item.
Here is the Amazon link: http://amzn.com/B00ARPYS6K. The author’s website is http://www.greatest-inspirational-quotes.com, and that is a wonderful resource as well. He seems to have insights, knowledge and skills in a wide range of things related to self-improvement, motivation and inspiration, and this collection is an outgrowth of that.
I have had a few calendars with daily quotes, which would give me 365 of them right on my desk. Unfortunately, I always forget to flip the pages on calendars and I don’t like to sit and read through each day all at once. So, at the end of the year, they’ve gone unread. Mr. Tichio took care of that, by giving them to me in an easy-to-read e-book, which I like and have read several times already, marking some good ones to use in my own writing and presenting at some time.
One of my favorites is #250, from the late, Stephen Covey, in Seven Habits of Highly Effective People:
Until a person can say deeply and honestly, “I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday,” that person cannot say, “I choose otherwise”.
Quote collectors like me tend to be very
hypercritical conscientious about correct attribution. Sadly, the use of the Internet has spread incorrectly attributed quotations like shredded cheese on top of an extra-large pizza. (That’s my Mickey Spillane impersonation.) It really is no wonder we’ve lost track of who said what, especially after someone more modern and famous has said it in an ever-so-slightly-different way or a zillion quotation sites have taken the easy way out and just attributed everything to Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Edison or Confucius.
You may remember, a few months ago I wrote about Mary Jean Irion’s famous lines, nearly always mistakenly attributed to Mary Jean Iron,who does not exist. If possible, I try to find the original text so I can read it in context, as I did with Ms. Irion’s book.
I’ve written to Mr. Tichio to tell him I liked the collection a lot—there are at least 300 unique ones, so this isn’t just a rehash, as many quotation books tend to be—and I told him I believe I could offer alternatives to a few attributions. (I’m open to counter-arguments!) After reading all of the quotations you will probably feel so positive, uplifted and inspired, you won’t want to be as picky as I notoriously am!
Greatest Inspirational Quotes: 365 Days to more Happiness, Success and Motivation, will be an excellent addition to any library and especially useful for pastors, teachers, leaders and all of us who have similar great thoughts but simply cannot put them into the best words. This book will give you the words.
Greatest Inspirational Quotes, by Joe Tichio: http://amzn.com/B00ARPYS6K.
Three Ways to Be More Safe and Secure In Any Situation
Whether you’re concerned about accidents, mishaps, misdeeds, crime, violence or harmful situations of any kind, anywhere, there are three bits of advice that can help you detect potential harm and react to it more effectively:
1.) Live defensively
2.) Observe with purpose.
3.) Treat everything that looks or sounds threatening or harmful, as real.
1. Live defensively. You are able to drive defensively without feeling terrified and without making your passengers feel afraid because of your excessiveness. However, if you stop thinking about dangers and hazards and drive heedlessly, you are more likely to cause accidents or be part of a crash. The same concept can apply to the way you live and the way you encourage your children to live. It’s not about unnecessary fright and dread, it’s about realistic planning, necessary awareness and reasonable precautions.
Make it a personal habit to think: Assessment, Prevention, Detection, Protection, Response.
2. Observe with purpose. Yogi Berra was correct when he said, “You can observe a lot by watching.” Observation with purpose focuses on who or what is around you, who or what is approaching you, who or what may have an effect on you, and who or what might unexpectedly appear, including hazards of all kinds. Be aware of unsafe conditions, even if you are the only one who seems to be noticing. Don’t assume that someone else would have surely done something by now if there was danger.
When you’re looking at people, do a total look for appearance, unusual movement or unusually standing still, a look at the face to detect attention or emotion and a look at the hands to see contact with clothing, items being held or readiness to use the hands.
3. Treat everything that looks or sounds threatening or harmful as real. If an activity or situation seems to be dangerous or potentially harmful, stop it if you can and ask for an immediate investigation or inspection. Appropriately warn others who may not be aware of the danger. When you sense a harmful situation, trust your instincts and protect yourself and those in your care.
If someone does or says anything that indicates a reasonable potential for harm, assume there will be harm and take appropriate action immediately–usually calling 911 or yelling for help, followed by flight, fight or taking cover, according to the circumstances or threat.
If you were correct, help is on the way no matter what else happens. If you were incorrect, you may stop a repeat of the falsely threatening situation or an actual future incident. At least you will show that you were observing with purpose and ready to take action.
There are many other things that can add to your safety and security and the safety of those for whom you are responsible. These three can provide a good foundation for everything else you do.
Who and what do you remember the most on New Year’s Eve?
New bike for Christmas-1981
Let's ride! Yippee!!
What's the matter with this bike??
One of my favorite Christmas cards has always been the one that says, with a bit of a smile and a lot of melancholy…
Never a Christmas morning,
Never an old year ends,
But someone thinks of someone,
Old days, old times, old friends.
I often avoid thinking of old days, old times, old friends, to keep from missing them too much and dimming some of the fun of the holiday season. However, it seems that on New Year’s Eve, no matter how busy I am, those memories knock on the door and insist upon coming in for a visit.
For the last few years I’ve made us a cup of tea and at least tried to welcome them. I find that it helps if I invite some fun-loving memories too–like the photos above of my daughter, Shannon, on the Christmas she got her first bicycle.
Perhaps the best thing we can do each year is to realize that on the next Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve, there will be new memories joining the old ones. I hope in 2013 your life and work–and mine–will be so exceptional in every good way that the memories will be welcome additions to the party. Best wishes!