Spite and malice harms everyone and should be stopped.
Whether you are a manager, supervisor, employee, parent, sibling, friend or just want to be a decent human being, be on the alert for indicators of mean-spirited, petty, maliciously vile behavior. Don’t do it yourself and don’t ignore it in others.
The card game, Spite and Malice, has been around for a long time under a variety of names. It can be fun to play when played in the spirit of fun, even though it certainly appeals to the competitive spririt as well. It’s described on one site as “a game with attitude.” One reviewer commented on the fun of playing the “Stop anyone” card, when you see someone is on a winning streak. Another said, “This is a cutthroat game where you do what it takes to keep someone from winning, then they do it back to you.” The Hasboro card box says, “If you can’t beat’em, annoy’em.” It sounds like some workplaces I’ve heard about!
At work, these are often the indicators of spiteful, malicious behavior:
- Sarcastic, snide remarks to diminish someone or their work.
- Behavior or comments designed to make it difficult for someone to do their work effectively.
- Waiting until others are around to point out a mistake or problem.
- Doing something you know will result in a bad situation for someone else.
- Facial expressions, gestures, comments or actions that cause someone else to feel unwanted, disliked, or demeaned.
- Frequently ridiculing or mocking someone rather than talking to them directly about a problem or issue.
- Being an obstructionist and stubbornly resisting someone else, just to avoid complying or just to create a problem for them. (This is also a description of passive-aggressive behavior.)
- Stabbing someone in the back and twisting the knife. (That’s a high-level psychological phrase.)
Spiteful, malicious behavior is a clear indicator of ongoing contention that harms everyone, even those who are not the direct target. It uses time ineffectively and often results in long, long meetings or frequent cross-purpose conversations that get no positive results. It creates tension and ill-will. It’s nasty. Even if there is someone who seems to be deserving of a slap-down or a put-down or a straightening-up, it isn’t the appropriate way to improve things.
If you are a manger or supervisor and you hear or observe something that seems malicious or spiteful: Stop the behavior immediately, investigate it further and if you were correct in your observations, direct the employee to never do it again. Make it clear that the behavior was not useful, not professional and not acceptable. If there was provocation, deal with that as well. But, make sure the petty, vengeful behavior stops.
If you are the target of spite and malice: Don’t respond with more of it. Get it out in the open and let the other person know you heard it or felt it. See if you can deal with the underlying problem. Find out if you have created part of the problem. If that doesn’t help, document what happened and the effect it had on you and others and ask for assistance in getting it stopped. Don’t drop hints, act like a long-suffering victim or gossip about the other person, just ask for help in a reasonable way.
Some good comments when confronting directly:
“You say that as though you’re joking, but I don’t think you mean it that way. How do you mean it?”
“It seems as though you are purposely resisting this. Is it because of me or because of the idea or both?”
“It seems like there is some hidden message in what you’re saying. If you talk to me directly maybe we can get things in the open and deal with it.”
If you are tempted to be malicious or spiteful: One indicator of spite and malice is sneaky, behind the scenes, manipulative behavior designed to harm someone else. But you can also be nasty and mean right out in the open. A good test is this: What results are you trying to get?
If you are trying to make life difficult for someone else or trying to harm them or their work in some way, stop yourself before someone else has to stop you. Find the root cause for your feelings of anger or agression and deal with those issues.
The bottom line: No one ever looked more professional after showing spite or malice. No one has ever brought about positive changes through malicious or spiteful behavior. Stop it when you observe it and don’t do it yourself.
In card games it can be fun to block other players in every hand they play, while chortling to yourself or openly about it. At work, the stakes are too high to play those kind of games.
July 7th, 2010
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Challenging and Problematic People, Personal and Professional Development, Supervision and Management |
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Can you tell by looking?
In 1917, William F. Kemble, an engineer who was engaged in introducing standardized hiring and promotional tests for business and industry, wrote Choosing Employees By Test. (Industrial Management Library, The Engineering Magazine Company. New York.) Kemble was a strong advocate of the scientific and mathematical approach to business and industry. This was at a time when large businesses were using efficiency experts, vocationalists and labor standardizers--early versions of Human Resources staff.
Mr. Kemble believed that almost all knowledge, skills and aptitudes could be determined by a series of written and physical tests which could be administered in a relatively short amount of time and used as a basis for hiring and promotion. Some of his ideas will sound familiar:
If employers so desire, the initial record found by the tests given to each applicant may be followed up by monthly reports of work accomplishments, all reduced to a card system. Upon these records can be based many decisions about employment, raises or promotions which would otherwise be done by guesswork or favoritism.
Unfortunately he mixed science and his personal opinions a great deal. One of his tests involved having candidates for an executive position answer questions about the potential of scientific and engineering accomplishments. (Could there be a building ten times taller than the Woolworth Building? Will man ever be able to tunnel from Alaska to Asia? Will wireless power ever be developed for areoplanes? Will gold ever be transmuted from base metal?) The results of the tests as well as the way candidates acted as they were taking it, were ranked in this way: Idiot, Chaotic, Normal, Intelligent, Executive. (Which would you be?)
One of Kemble’s supposedly scientific tests involved comparing a photograph of a potential employee to lists of “common physical manifestations of mental and moral characteristics.” In this way he believed he could tell if a person was intelligent, a drunkard, petulant, lazy, moral, in good health, good with mathematics or any of dozens of other traits. He assigned points to each facial characterisic so the overall intelligence or morality of an applicant could be given a numerical rating.
The full-face and profile photos at the top of this article are part of such a test. He knew the people in the photographs and had a sample of one hundred good salesmen guess the answers to his questions. They had a 66% to 79% correct response rate. Thus, he reasoned, a potential salesperson should have a similarly correct rate of response.
These were the characteristics applicants matched to the photographs:
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Quick in action.
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Irritable.
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Healthy.
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Very temperate in drink.
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Constant church goer.
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Business person.
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Artistic.
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Saves money.
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Highly educated.
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Industrious worker.
Sadly for me, the correct answers weren’t provided! What do you think?
Kemble’s book has recently been scanned and published by Nabu Press, as having historical significance. However, I have an original edition, which I found in one of my old-book hunts years ago. It has 333 pages of small print, all focused on what he was sure was the future of employment testing. Some of it was logical and accurate and much of it was not. He apparently did not write another book and also did not make enough of a mark on the world of business that he is cited in other sources. I feel badly about that because he sounded so earnest, dedicated and convinced. As a result, I wanted to honor him here by sharing his photo and a little bit about his work. I hope he had a happy life, contributed to the happiness of the lives of others and felt he was successful. I wish that for you, too!
William Fretz Kemble
1874-?
June 26th, 2010
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Assessment Centers and Interviews, Personal and Professional Development, Supervision and Management, Training, Technology, Blogs, A/V etc. |
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You’ll hear these remarks often in meetings or business conversations:
“I wish we could do that.”
“Maybe we can do that one of these days.”
“I sure wish they would do that.”
“I’ll have to try to get that started sometime.”
“I don’t think there is anything we can do about that.”
“There’s no way I can make it better.”
“I’d love to help you, but I’m low level in the business.”
“It’s a good idea but I’m sure they wouldn’t approve it.”
What if the conversations sounded like this, instead:
“I’ll get started on it.”
“Give me a month and it’ll be done.”
“You have my word on it. I’ll make it happen.”
“I’m going to give it my best effort, you can bet on that.”
“I’ll do something about it the minute I hang up the phone.”
Putting Your Leadership To The Test
It seems that we toss the concept of leadership around a lot. Many people read books on leadership, talk about it, lament that there isn’t more of it and fancy that they are leaders. In promotional processes, nothing is more common than to hear a candidate say he or she takes a leadership role. The interview panel thinks: “Oh yeah? What have you done that has led others to something good?”
So, that can be a test of your leadership in your corner of the world: What have you done lately to make good things happen? What you done to move an idea from concept to reality? What you done to facilitate, champion or do the tough work for a project that is worthwhile?
Of course, there are situations where we suggest or try and are told no. There may be good reasons for that or not. However, more often, we don’t even try–we anticipate the no. Or, we wait for someone else to make things happen, then we support them. Or, we procrastinate until after the holidays or after vacation or after the budget gets approved or whatever. If there is something you can help make happen–do it now. I used the photo above, of am Amish farmer plowing a field, because I am so often reminded that everyone wants a bumper crop but few want to get behind the plow, be the plow, or pull the plow.
Brian Hill of Mental Ammo Made Things Happen.
Last year I was contacted by Brian Hill, about conducting an advanced instructor class for his organization. Brian also has his own website and does training and consulting. He didn’t know me and had no particular reason to ensure he made things happen for the training—but he did. On his own he made the contacts, did the convincing and set things up. Then, he followed through with all the details involved. He did an outstanding job and I appreciated it all very much.
Brian could have talked about the training for months or years. He could have said it was a shame the inspirational and fascinating speaker and trainer, Tina Lewis Rowe, hadn’t been asked to present the class. (I put that in bold, so a search bot might pick it up.) He could have put it on his “To Do” list and done nothing. Instead, he moved forward, made the effort and showed his leadership. And the class was great!
What Can You Make Happen?
It’s easy for us to talk big about what we could do, could do and might do. The big question is: What have you done and what is in the works? Another question is: What have you vaguely promised you might try to get accomplished but so far have done nothing about?
Starting today and in the future, you be the one who makes things happen.
June 18th, 2010
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Assessment Centers and Interviews, Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers, Supervision and Management |
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How Effective Are You? That’s What Counts!
You have heard of KSAs: Knowlege, Skills and Attitudes. Those are the Domains of Learning, developed from the work of Benjamin Bloom in the 1950s–and still being refined. The levels within each group provide the basis for learning objectives, lesson plans, tests, job descriptions and performance evaluations.
KSAs Aren’t Enough
You would think if someone could analyze, evaluate and create (the highest levels of knowledge), had mastery over work skills (the highest levels of skills) and consistently was positive and and focused on doing well (characterizing, which is the highest level of attitudes) that he or she would be successful at work. Unfortunately, as you know, there are people who fit all of those descriptions, but who nevertheless are not effective–and effective is what counts.
Someone was telling me about a coworker who is knowledgeable about many aspects of her work and skillful in many ways as well. She is highly motivated and believes in the power of positive thinking. The only thing that keeps her from being as successful as she would like is this: She isn’t effective. People don’t like to work with her; she creates problems wherever she goes; she is a source of irritation and frustration for many people. She doesn’t get more work done, she reduces the amount and quality of work. Another woman was described to me recently as being knowledgeable and skillful with a great attitude–but she sometimes seems disorganized and unfocused mentally and doesn’t inspire the confidence she merits.
I know a man who is a tremendous source of knowledge about many things. He has the talent and skill to write, speak, find problems and develop solutions and do a wide range of mechanical, mathematical and written work. He has a strong set of values from which he never wavers. But, he consistently has problems where he works because he is often engaged in a conflict with someone. He is viewed as ineffective and a liablity.
KSAs (Knowledge, Skills and Attitudes) must be supplemented with traits and behaviors in order to result in effectiveness. Certainly there are those who are so brilliant or talented that their weird traits or obnoxious behavior is tolerated. But even those people usually have effective staff who negotiate the contracts and soothe the conflicts stirred up by their clients. (And you and I are not so brilliant and talented that we will be tolerated.)
Effectiveness is Habit-Forming or Vice Versa
The argument could be made that the traits and behaviors to which I refer are actually skills: interpersonal skills, communication skills, conflict resolution skills, self-control and self-development skills. Or, that they reflect a lack of appropriate attitudes or an excess of an otherwise positive attitude. That is all true. But, some aspect of effectiveness involves style, approaches and habits. There is a reason the famous book refers to Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, rather than Seven KSAs of Highly Effective People.
Test Your Effectiveness
So, how can you know whether you possess the E to go with your KSAs? These are a mix of questions, but perhaps they can help you decide if you are being as effective as you’d like to be:
1. Are you achieving your professional goals or do you feel held back often?
2. Do you have the enthusiastic support of most of the important people in your work world?
3. Can you point to significant accomplishments that matter to those above you in the business?
4. Do coworkers who are generally respected and not known for pettiness, distance themselves from you?
5. Do you get asked to help or do you have to push yourself into groups or committees?
6. Do you find yourself needing to self-market to overcome your reputation?
7. If most of your coworkers and immediate supervisors were asked, would they commend your work effectiveness?
8. Have others hinted to you–or come right out and said–that your work habits create problems for them and you?
9. Does it seems that the people who are most impressed with you don’t work closely with you–and those who are least impressed, do?
10. Do you get thanked often for how effective you are or do you have to tell people to make sure they know?
It could be that those who are least effective will not recognize their deficiencies. However, honest self-appraisal could help all of us find the areas in which we are least effective, even if we think we’re not as problematic as those people. Or, you may feel glad to consider how well things are going. If that’s the case, thank the people who are helping you be effective.
The bottom line: If you feel sure you possess a high level of KSAs but you don’t seem to be effective, put your focus on identifying and improving problem traits and behaviors. That is what allows your KSAs to become high levels of KSAEs.
June 10th, 2010
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Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers |
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Have you ever needed to talk to someone
about a hygiene issue?
You’ll notice I didn’t ask if you had ever talked to someone about a hygiene issue–just if you have needed to. Most of the time supervisors, managers, coworkers, friends and family members only think about how unpleasant or embarrassing that person is to be around. Some of the most frequent questions on the Ask The Workplace Doctors website, to which I contribute, are about such situations–which often have been going on for years, even decades!
Not all personal odors or grooming issues are easily remedied by the person who has them. However, it is still the responsibility of the person most directly responsible for an employee’s work to talk to the employee and to document that conversation in case it gets solved now but occurs again.
Make sure you are being appropriate. Talk to the person above you in the organization, or to HR or others who can advise you about what is appropriate to discuss and what is not–and how to best talk about the subject. A supervisor lamented to me that he got in trouble for telling an employee, “You smell like *************!” I hope you wouldn’t consider anything that inappropriate! It’s possible to talk to an employee and get a commitment to make an improvement, without being crude, rude or inappropriate in any other way.
What is the link to work? The answer to that question can provide you with a reason to talk directly and immediately to an employee who is not pleasant to be around for a personal reason. That can give you an opening statement and help you get over your awkwardness about telling someone they must improve in that area.
*Could it make coworkers less likely to want to work closely with him or her?
*Could it represent the organization poorly to others?
*Could it reduce effectiveness with clients or customers?
*Is there something in the employee manual about appearance or hygiene?
*Could it be an indicator of a health or emotional problem that could become more serious?
*Could it distract people from their focus on work?
*Could it harm the effectiveness and professional development of the employee?
Any of those issues are reason enough for a supervisor or manager to intervene about hygiene problems. In addition to the more obvious ones are too much perfume (even strong smelling deodorant), tobacco smells, greasy smells and stains, foot odor, chewing tobacco residue on teeth and stale coffee breath.
Use the One Minute Manager concept: The book by Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson as been around since the 1980s, but it still offers a great approach, especially for awkward communication scenarios. The characteristics of a brief correction or re-direction (or other action) are: Immediate, Specific and Brief. It’s sort of like Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover–just do it.
Instead of being immediate, specific and brief, supervisors tend to talk all around the subject or try to minimize the problem to save the feelings of the employees. As a result they often cause hurt or hard feelings and still don’t get the situation changed—and a changed situation is the requirement for effectiveness.
If you supervise someone who needs to improve his or her hygiene, appearance or overall personal presentation, fulfill your responsibilty about it. If you are a coworker or family member, help the person avoid public embarrassment by talking to them directly and in a friendly way. Talking about such things doesn’t require a judgmental tone or an embarrassed, nervous, hesitant approach. Say what you have smelled or noticed. Take the initial approach that you are sure they will want to do something right away to fix the situation.
Expect some disagreement but get a commitment.A natural reflex when we are criticised or corrected is to be defensive and to respond hastily–sometimes angrily–to avoid embarrassment. Expect that and don’t let it bother you or stop you. You have the responsibility and the authority to ask for appropriate changes, so do it without lengthy justifications and arguments.
Most of the time, even if an employee doesn’t agree there is a problem, he or she will agree to do something to change the situation. If that doesn’t happen, spend a few more minutes to insist upon it in a firm but friendly manner.
The bottom line: We live in a culture where body and breath odor, uncleanliness or unsightly hygiene issues are not acceptable. Usually they can be corrected fairly easily–but often a supervisor, manager, coworker or friend has to bring it to the attention of the person involved. If you have that responsibility or that opportunity, do it the right way but do it.
April 11th, 2010
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Challenging and Problematic People, Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development, Supervision and Management |
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What is going on around here???
In your work place do you often hear that good work can’t be done or done on time because everyone is too busy? Do you notice recurring problems related to quality or quantity of work or the interactions between employees? Does everything seem to be a disorganized mess and it’s not because of creative productivity it’s because things are a disorganized mess? Do you often think that few things get done efficiently and effectively–they only get done painfully and with one crisis after another? Conduct a work audit and find out what is going on.
You can apply this same concept to your own work when you feel you are bogged down, when there have been complaints or hints about a need for a improvement or when you just want to reevaluate your efforts and results. You can also use the concept when you want to have something specific to take to your supervisor if you feel there are problems outside your control.
Steps for a quick work audit
- Resist the thought that you know the problems already. If you do know what the problems are, you should be doing something specific about them. However, whether you think you know what ails your work place or not, audit anyway to get a better look. One key benefit is that your conversations about it afterwards will let employees know you are aware of their work and their roles in the work place. If you are looking at your own work, you can discuss it with your supervisor or manager to show that you are taking responsibility for your work and results.
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Identify the core job description or work requirement. What is the essential work that must be done? If the essential mission isn’t happening in the right way, there is a breakdown or failure somewhere or with someone, no matter how sincerely people are trying or how well other things are being done.
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Make a list of the people and processes that have the key roles in getting work done. Focus on your own group but also consider where there might be weak or strong connections between your group and other areas. You may need to work with supervisors, managers or fellow employees in those areas to find solutions to problems. (Or you may need to find ways to work around those people, if they are determined to create problems.)
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Review, survey and evaluate, using quick methods that give you snapshot of work.
Re-read emails or memos about work issues.
Talk to a few key internal or external clients or customers to get their perspectives.
Make a list of the problems, concerns and complaints you have heard from individuals in the group.
Look at work statistics or work products and see if there are deficiencies.
Go into work areas to see what is happening.
Now and then stop to listen and closely observe.
Those actions will not give you the thorough assessment you might want to do later, but they can quickly help you understand:
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The overall activity level of the work place and each individual employee.
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What the work environment looks like, sounds like and feels like.
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What is being done right now instead of work and how much time is being spent on that activity.
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What work methods you are seeing that may keep work from being done effectively and efficiently.
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The apparent attitudes of all levels about their work–employees, supervisors, managers, and others, based on what they say and do.
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The status of the complete picture of good work: performance that is high in quality and quantity and behavior that is effective and appropriate.
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Who is steadily working and who is not.
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Who is assisting and who is distracting.
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The end result of it all for clients, customers, users and others in the work chain. (In a short time you may get a very clear picture of why there have been complaints or grumbling!)
The bottom line: Improved effectiveness and efficiency and an improved work place starts with getting a picture of where things stand right now. Conduct a brief work audit to begin to find out. Take a few hours and briefly audit work–your own or the work of those for whom you are responsible. Then, get with each person for whom you are responsible and direct the immediate changes that are needed. Next, set a schedule for long-term improvement. It is possible to achieve that, so keep your focus and give others a focus as well.
March 22nd, 2010
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Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers, Supervision and Management |
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One of the career development websites says this about mentors:
What separates a mentor from the average network contact is long-term commitment and a deep-seated investment in your future.
Further along in the article it says:
…your relationship with a mentor likely involves long lunches and time spent in the mentor’s office.
Those statements are both true, based on the historic and contemporary views of mentorship. However, those statements also point out the potentially negative aspects of mentoring. They also bring into question the accuracy of statements made by many supervisors and managers that they are mentors to those who report to them at work. More likely they are providing mentoring behavior: Encouraging, advising, correcting, discussing, suggesting. Many are not even doing that much.
Mentes (Mentor) was a good friend of Odysseus (Ulysses) in Homer’s epic poems, The Iliad and The Odyssey. Ironically, most of the good advice given to Ulysses’s son was given by Athena who took the form of Mentes. Nevertheless, the term mentor has long been used to mean an advisor or wise counsellor. InThe Odyssey, Telemachus (the son of Ulysses and Penelope) says to Athena/Mentor,
…you’ve been speaking as a friend,
thinking as a father would for his own son—
and what you’ve said I never will forget.
Do you really want to be a mentor? A busy professional person told me not long ago that over the last few years several people have asked him to be a mentor to them and he has said no…to their shocked surprise. He told me he would always be available for a short phone call or an emailed question, but he said: “What they wanted was a true mentor–someone who would invest time and energy in their careers. I don’t have enough time for my own work and frankly, I don’t want someone calling or visiting me just to talk or expecting me to meet with them regularly.”
You may feel the same way. Before you agree to be a mentor, find out the expectations of the mentee. Make sure you really care about his or her career as if he or she is a personally selected protege who you want to shepherd to success.
Are you really the mentor you say you are? Some might say it is only a semantic issue to question whether someone is actually mentoring others or not, but I think it is important to be correct about it. Time, energy and potential success would indicate a supervisor cannot truly mentor every employee. On the other hand, it would not be a good thing for a supervisor to spend large amounts of time mentoring one employee but not others. Instead, an effective supervisor will engage in mentoring behaviors with all employees.
In addition, mentoring behavior is more than cheer-leading, commending, answering questions or just being friendly or encouraging. Athena, as Mentor, told Telemachus, “You must not keep on acting like a child—you’re too old for that now…You are fine and strong, I see. You should be brave, so people born in future years will say good things of you.”
You may need to balance your supportive mentoring conversations with some tough caring:
- Honesty about how the employee is coming across to others.
- Correction when the employee has shown poor judgment.
- Guidance, when the employee is starting down the wrong path in behavior or performance.
- Questions and listening, when the employee is trying to decide.
- Specific advice on occasion, not just vague generalities.
The bottom line: As with many phrases we toss around without thinking, the term mentor is often misused and misunderstood. Make sure you know what you are talking about when you say you are a mentor or you will be a mentor. Maybe what you really want to do is just fulfill your role as a supervisor, team leader or coach–or be a valuable colleague, coworker or friend.
March 14th, 2010
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Personal and Professional Development, Supervision and Management |
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Pete Palmer is running for Sheriff of Chaffee County, Colorado.
What office are you seeking?
The other day I received a press release from Pete Palmer’s campaign, announcing his candidacy for Sheriff of Chaffee County, Colorado, a gorgeous county in central Colorado.
I’ve known Pete for about thirty years (oh my!) so I was happy to see him planning to use his tremendous knowledge and skills in that way. Instead of wishing him the best I will wish the citizens of Chaffee County the best: Pete Palmer!
Pete has a website that tells about him, his history as a police officer and commander, and his accomplishments in commanding and directing police training missions overseas. He was also the commander of the six hundred and five police officers with the U.N. Civilian Police in Kosovo. Check out his website and photos.
The website also provides an overview of what Pete Palmer promises to provide the citizens of Chaffee County:
Independence of Judgment and Action;
Transparency and Openness of Operations;
Professional Law Enforcement Management.
What do you promise to provide?
I often say that every day is an assessment center or that every day is a job interview. I could add to that, “every day is an election day.” The idea behind those thoughts is that we are continually building our reputations and relationships. Every day someone is observing us or interacting with us and forming opinions or making decisions. We do the same thing about others.
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Every day is a chance to show others how effective we are in in our work, school or family.
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Every day is a chance to show what kind of spouse, parent, friend or coworker we can be.
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Every day someone we know or someone new, interacts with us and forms new opinions or reinforces old ones.
What three reasons to vote for you would you list on your website? If you were to develop a website to showcase your strengths, what three strengths would you list? What three promises would you make? What three things would you say are the hallmarks of the kind of person you are and will be?
Think about that this week and consider how much differently you might do things if you were trying to get votes to keep your job, get that new assignment or promotion, be considered a good friend, be thought of as a loving spouse or parent, or be voted for Loving Contributor Around the House or Great Asset To The Workplace.
Pete Palmer approaches it in the way we should: He doesn’t just say what he has done; he shows how what he has done can be used effectively in the future. If he is elected, he’ll need to live up to those promises–just like we have to do in our work and in our relationships. What we have done is important, what we say we will do, is important too. However, what we are doing has the most impact on how we are viewed today.
Pete Palmer will be voted on for Sheriff of Chaffee County, Colorado in November, 2010.
You are being voted on for something today and every day.
February 20th, 2010
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Assessment Centers and Interviews, Personal and Professional Development |
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Three is a magic number. Well, at least, that’s what they said in the first video short in the Schoolhouse Rock series in the 1970s-1980s. (A cult classic kid’s show for many of that era.) The song on which the video was based was written by Bob Dorough, a jazz musician, at the request of advertising executive David McCall. Mr. McCall thought it and similar songs would be a good way to help youngsters (including his own son) learn multiplication tables and other educational concepts.
The song was given some artwork, animated, and used to help pitch the show to ABC, which produced it for twelve years. (I remember it at the time and wasn’t impressed with the song, because I thought the lines about three in a family didn’t fit with the rest of the song or with most of our society. Obviously my critique had no influence!) Here is the video and you can decide.
Three Items On Your Daily To-Do List
Three is not too many and not too few. Three things can be remembered easily. Three allows for two extremes and a middle ground. Almost anyone can develop three points for a speech or three ideas to present at a meeting. That may be why Lucy Jo Palladino, PhD, suggests writing three priority things to get accomplished as soon as possible every day.
Dr. Palladino says three is doable and won’t overload your to-do list or your mind. (That’s just a short version–her explanation is better, but that is the concept as I have applied it and it works well even with interruptions.) Her book Your Focus Zone is easy to read and gives you some ideas anyone can use right away to improve effectiveness. The subtitle is: An Effective New Plan To Defeat Distraction and Overload, and I think it can help with those issues for many of us.
It has several chapters about Attention Deficit Disorder in children and adults. I intended to only skim those chapters, but found them as interesting as the rest. Dr. Palladino, who works with those who have been assessed as having ADD, points out that the name of the disorder is misleading. It’s not that those with ADD give too little attention to the world around them–they are paying attention to an excessive number of things at once. (Many of us have a bit or a lot of that going on!)
Everyone I’ve met who has read the book has had positive things to say about it. One manager, who bought it for everyone on his staff and discussed it in a staff meeting, said it helped him get control over a few nagging tasks he had stalled on for months. He mentioned the concept of having a three item to-do list, which he said replaced his long-standing forty item to-do list and resulted in all of the forty items finally getting done.
While not every aspect of the book is easily applied to every reader, a good part of it is useful. I also didn’t care for calling the key concepts “key chains”. That way of describing them added nothing to the explanations and seemed to be more of a distracting gimmick than anything else. But, that was a quibble compared to my overall feeling that I could learn some helpful techniques, use them myself and share them.
If you find yourself going from one task to another, procrastinating on some things and never getting finished with others, consider reading this book and applying it to your work and home life. I found my copy of Your Focus Zone at a Big Lots store for only three dollars. You might want to check there before you pay full price for it elsewhere. Or, get it at a library (we need to support those more, if we want to keep them.)
Put it on your three item to-do list one day this week!
February 14th, 2010
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development |
6 comments
Dare to Dream,
Never Give Up,
Don’t Let Others Destroy Your Confidence-
Do You Really Believe Those Things?
One of the enduring positive philosophies of our culture–and of people who want to succeed–is to not be defeated by the sneers and taunts of others and to not consider an initial failure to be a permanent one. Winston Churchill said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.” He also said to never, never, never give up.
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We enjoy hearing about people in history who achieved success even though they were mocked, ridiculed or persecuted because of their dreams.
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We applaud those with the courage to envision a better future, a better life or a better way of doing things.
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We commend those who have the perserverence to keep trying when nay-sayers tell them they have failed and should give it up and get out of the way.
Unfortunately, all of our praise usually stops when the person trying to reach a goal or achieve a dream is an enemy, adversary or competitor. Sophocles said, in about 400 BC, “Isn’t it the sweetest mockery to mock our enemies?”
Has It Happened To You?
You may have tried to change things at work for the better, only to have several people purposely try to block your success. When things didn’t go as well as you had hoped, some of those people chortled behind your back or to your face and you had a difficult time keeping on. You found out quickly why almost everyone with a task to accomplish has had detractors who seemed to enjoy watching problems develop, just so they could laugh with their supporters and say, “I told you so.”
You probably found out that some people enjoy the failures of others more than they enjoy their own successes. More to the point–some people are most happy when they can mock, kick, laugh at and disparage someone else. That is when they are in their element. It’s always been that way. William Paley (1742-1805) said, “Who can defeat a sneer?” Charles Simmons, British lecturer and politician in the 1940s said, “Ridicule is the first and last argument of a fool.”
Do Unto Others……..
Have you ever wished some coworkers or employees you know would work harder at helping make things better than they do at tearing things down and blaming you for all of it? If you have worked around the barriers they placed to prevent you from being successful, you know how it feels and how it can stop forward motion, not only for you but for a group. That doesn’t mean their ideas are all wrong and yours are all right–but you get the sense that no matter what you tried to do they would knock it down.
Don’t do that to anyone else. Not even to those you dislike. Not even to those who you think really messed things up. Certainly not just because you want to seem better than them in comparison. That’s especially true if you had a chance to help make things work but you were too busy tripping them or refusing to lend support just because you couldn’t stand the thought of them succeeding.
Don’t support those who delight in mocking others. When someone’s communication primarily involves ranting, snickering, jeering and heckling, avoid them as though they have the Swine Flu. They probably have something worse–a mean spirit and a cold heart.
Be part of the solution. See if you can find it in your heart, mind and character to help–or at least to not to be a hindrance. If your help is rejected in a way that is demeaning, angry or unappreciative, focus on improving yourself and your area of responsibility and waiting until things change. Or, work in a positive, healing-not-hateful way to bring about change. If your ideas are appreciated and even a few are accepted, you may have forged a link that can help you, the other person and everyone else.
The bottom line: I am not suggesting that everyone who fails to achieve their goals is worthy of your sympathy or full-hearted support. Many times people fail because they are selfish, unskilled, lacking in knowledge or wanting achievement without effort. Sometimes they fail because they were approaching a problem the wrong way, weren’t prepared for contingencies, used poor judgment about the people they picked to get tasks done, or didn’t provide enough oversight. However, until you’ve thoroughly tidied up your own personality, knowledge, skills and effectiveness, don’t snipe at others, backstab them or show nastiness by high-fiving when they fall short of the positive things they were trying to accomplish.
Consider the advice you have probably given someone else: Don’t let others drag you down! Apply that to your actions–don’t drag someone down and don’t smile if you see it happening. Save your smiles for successes.
February 7th, 2010
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development |
12 comments
