Tina Lewis Rowe

Highlights For Children Is Still Fun With A Purpose–For Any Age!!

If you have children or grandchildren or if you know or work with someone who does—let them know about HighlightsKids, a website that has puzzles, jokes and a lot more! I like Science in Action and the section on Giggles and Games (it has a “time travel” feature that is interesting.) The site is fun no matter what your age, so give it a look-see.

Also check on the regular Highlights website for things you can print.  My favorite items are the hidden pictures or the find the differences pictures. Here is the link for the page with hidden pictures. Go to the print-friendly version for larger views.  The site also has great ideas for kid parties (some of them are adaptable for fun parties for any age), as well as crafts and decorations. It can give you ideas for making a play area for your children or grandchildren that is as fun and interesting as a library, bookstore or schoolroom.

What does Highlights have to do with professional and personal development?  Remember Goofus and Gallant? They started as elves, in 1951 and have changed their appearances over the years, but the concept has stayed the same: Goofus complains, is rude, self-centered and unappreciative. Gallant is courteous, makes a sincere effort to get along with others, and is a pleasure to have around.  In your workplace who is a Goofus (or Goofette) and who is Gallant?  Does your training, corrective action, mentoring and evaluations correctly reflect the differences in those employees?

Which one are you–consistently,  dependably and definitely? Now and then critique your actions or conversations and decide how the situation would have been portrayed by Goofus and Gallant, in Highlights.  Fun with a purpose!

December 21st, 2009 Posted by TLR | Personal and Professional Development | 6 comments

Don’t CC on Unpleasant Emails

If you feel you must send a critical or corrective email at work, think carefully about whether you should copy (cc) anyone.  More often than not, it only escalates the hostility. It often presents you in a negative way, even to the person being copied. It gives the appearance you are telling the cc recipient:

“See how I’m trying to do good work but she isn’t?”

“I want you to be aware of what I’m having to deal with!”

“This is in case you don’t know what a jerk Greg is.”

“Why don’t you do something about this situation?”

“I’m writing really tough because I’m playing to an audience.”

To the original recipient it sounds like, “You’re going to get in trouuuuble!”

Alternatives To CCs

1. Blind copy (bc) the higher level person, so the main recipient doesn’t know you are copying anyone. This can be effective when your boss has asked for a copy, but no good purpose would be served by making it obvious. Check #4 for another option.

2. Wait for the response and, if it there is still a need, forward both to the person you think needs to know. You may get a response that solves the problem and your boss will not have to deal with the first email.

3. If someone else (your boss or their boss) needs to know about an ongoing problem, just write to that person directly and ask for assistance. Don’t use the disingenuous method of copying them on an unpleasant email, under the guise of keeping them informed.

4. If someone else needs to be kept informed and have all the information about a situation (and there may be many legitimate reasons for that) rather than blind copying, which prevents you from sending a personal note, re-send your message or your response message or forward it to them. In that message explain why you are sending it or add any other information that is needed. Just be sure there is a good reason to send it to someone else, beyond pointing out the bad actions of the other person and your good actions in comparison.

5. Consider not sending an email at all when you can talk to someone in person or make a phone call. Emails are effective for documentation, but often they should be reserved for when your first efforts to solve a problem haven’t worked. Talk to your manager or supervisor to make sure your response, whether in person or by email, is likely to be effective.

There are certainly times when it is necessary to send a written message to clarify an issue, make a statement or point out a problem as a way to solve it.  There are also times when you must respond to those types of messsages, using a strong tone. However, a negative reaction and response is almost guaranteed when the recipient sees you have “told on” him or her to someone higher up. Is the cc necessary this time?

Really?

December 13th, 2009 Posted by TLR | Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development | 5 comments

How Much Are You Demanding Of Yourself?

We distinguish the excellent man from the common man by saying that the former is the one who makes great demands upon himself, and the latter is one who makes no demands on himself.

Most of us want to be thought of as excellent–in our work, in our example, in our efforts and ethics, in our health and appearance and in our outlook on life. We want to be excellent parents, excellent friends, excellent employees, supervisors, managers or leaders.  We don’t want to be common in the sense it was used in this thought, as unexceptional, mediocre and unimpressive. (The examples we see of that condition are enough to motivate us!)

Señor Ortega y Gasset was correct: Achieving excellence (or improving substantially) requires making demands on ourselves–perhaps asking of ourselves actions that are difficult or uncomfortable mentally or physically, or that require time and effort. It’s rarely easy. Most of us have to say, ”I want this from you, Mind, Body and Spirit. I know you can give it to me and I won’t settle for less, so do it!”

What do you want to demand of yourself today, this week or in the coming year?  It doesn’t have to be a dramatic accomplishment to be worthy of demanding more. Maybe you need to more consistently fulfill the requirements of your work role. Maybe you need to focus on a new or renewed good habit; or stopping one thing and starting something else; or being your best self even when you are tempted to be otherwise. It’s all worth the effort, and all of it will give you a wonderful sense of  achievement.

Remember, you can’t hint or hope, even to yourself, and expect to achieve. You will have to command, insist and refuse to accept anything less than what you want.  That is the ultimate self-discipline that leads to excellence.  Be demanding!

December 7th, 2009 Posted by TLR | Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development | 13 comments

When A Coworker Is Getting On Your Nerves

Part of maturity and effectiveness at work is learning to deal with (translation: Smile, grit your teeth and tolerate) the behavior of others who have different styles, traits, habits and perspectives than yours. However, there comes a time when a coworker is negatively effecting your work or your mental or emotional state or when you are making unreasonable adjustments for their benefit. What can you do then? The answer isn’t the same in every situation, but some guidelines can be applied:

1. Make sure you aren’t part of the problem.  Could it be that the irritating behavior of others is a reaction to your own quirky behavior? If others have hinted to you or joked about something you do or say, or if you are well known for an approach that is irritating to others, face up to the fact that you might be part of the problem. Work to change before you work to change others. You may want to acknowledge your part of the problem to the other person and negotiate what you will both change.

2. Consistently and appropriately be clear about what what is bothering you.  Don’t expect someone to know you are upset if you ignore it most of the time, laugh or joke about it sometimes but only now and then act upset.

3. React in a way that is appropriate for the situation. Don’t react in a way that is rude, disruptive or hurtful.  When you fire back a nasty retort, use obscenities or rude gestures, or gossip and complain excessively behind somone’s back, you become the problem as well–and you lose the support you might have had. What you say or do will depend upon the severity and impact of the actions of the other person. You may say something with a reproving smile and gentle tone or you may have a frown and sound briskly adamant, according to the situation.

 Trying to suggest phrases is always difficult because there are so many verbal nuances that are missed, and you have your own verbal style. However, here is a mix of  mild, moderate and strong responses you might make.

“Stop. Stop. Stop.” (This can be said with a smile, a frown, while holding up a hand or while leaving the conflict, according to the situation. When you have the attention of the other person, talk directly but courteously about what is bothering you.)
“Uh oh, that’s getting close to being over the line!”
“Don’t.” (You may have to say it more than once, but often it is all that needs to be said.)
“That’s really distracting. Would you please stop?”
“Lisa, what caused that tone of voice?”
“I don’t understand why you did that. Tell me.”
“You sound upset, but I don’t know why. Are you?”
“How did you mean that the way it sounded?”
“You said that jokingly but I think you were serious. Were you joking or serious?”
“Greg, please don’t do that anymore.”
“That kind of remark makes me feel (how?).”
“Tricia, what would make you think I would respond well to that? I don’t. So don’t do it again.”
“That approach doesn’t work well with me, so you might as well stop it now.”
“Matt, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt about your motives, but this has got to stop. Now.”
“OK, I can see this isn’t going well. Let’s talk to (the supervisor or manager) and get this worked out, now.”

3. When your direct, appropriate communication doesn’t help the situation, get assistance. If you have communicated about a problem clearly and the coworker is aware of your feelings, but continues to do the same disruptive things, go to your manager, Human Resources section or someone else who can either advise you or assist you.  Don’t complain incessantly, vow revenge, play dirty tricks or seethe inwardly. Go to your manager and ask for advice or make a formal complaint, according to the seriousness of the situation. You will get stronger results if you write your concern or at least ask for a formal interview time with your manager, rather than complaining in a general sense but not asking for action to be taken.

 Be prepared to hear your manager sound less concerned than you are.  However, if you are told to continue to accept the behavior of the other person, courteously stand your ground and insist something must change–unless you feel you have no other choice in order to stay out of trouble yourself.  Many (if not most) managers hope a conflict or problem will go away so they don’t have to deal with it.  They are more likely to take action about something that effects work performance than they are about behavior. So, link the behavior to how it is effecting your work and the work of others or to the final work product.

Until you have directly talked to your manager, don’t make the assumption that nothing will be done. If you only complain in a general way or if you are a big part of the problem, you are less likely to get action.  But until you have tried to get help from a higher level, you don’t know for sure what will happen.

4. If the action continues, escalate your complaint but still stay appropriate. If you believe the situation merits it, write a strong letter requesting your manager investigate and intervene to ensure the behavior stops. If that doesn’t work, go higher. Take it as far as you need to take it, within reason for the situation. (Just make sure you are being a valuable employee at the same time.)

 The bottom line: Most problems between coworkers are never confronted openly and courteously, they are only complained about. Or,  the complaining employee will covertly sabotage the work or reputation of the other employee.  That is how conflicts develop and why they continue and get worse. You don’t need to be harsh to get your point across to a coworker whose work style or habits are bothering you. On the other hand, if you never say you are bothered, why should the other employee be concerned? As usual, honest but appropriate communication is the key to making things better.

Do you work with someone whose manner or actions disrupt, irritate or disturb you or make work more difficult? The situation won’t improve on its own, so do something effective about it–or at least try.

December 2nd, 2009 Posted by TLR | Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers | 5 comments

How Far Should A Manager Go To Work Within An Employee’s Style?

Personal Style or Pain in the Neck?

Each of us has a unique style based on an infinite number of contributing factors. A personal and professional challenge for each of us is to be what seems comfortable and right to us, without creating problems. A manager’s job is to work with the unique styles of all employees as much as possible. What should be the limit to those efforts?

1. When an employee’s quirks, traits, appearance or actions disrupt work or harm the work product or the organization.  A manager’s responsibility is to be alert for the very first indicators of problems and to take action immediately to ensure the employee corrects them.  

 In some work places one or a few employees have been disruptive for weeks, months or years! Of course, the employee should have enough sensitivity and awareness to see what he or she is doing and change it. And, coworkers should have enough confidence and conviction to do something about the things that bother them.  But, ultimately whose responsibility is it?

2. When unreasonable adjustments have to be made. If allowing the employee to work within his or her personal style would require adjustments of performance or behavior standards or the work environment, or an unreasonable tolerance by coworkers, the manager must ensure the employee adjusts to fit into the bigger picture, not the other way around.

Each of us wants the freedom to incorporate our personalities, preferences, experiences, knowledge and skills into our work. An effective manager faciliates individuality as much as possible.  Nevertheless, all employees should be hired, evaluated and retained based on their performance and behavior—and part of that involves adapting personal styles to the larger work environment.

The bottom line: It is possible for everyone to be comfortable within their personal styles, while not imposing those styles on others unreasonably. However, “That’s just the way he is”, is never a reason for tolerating ineffective performance or behavior.

Do you know someone who creates many problems at work and everyone else makes adjustments to deal with that person? Who is that employee’s supervisor or manager? I hope it isn’t you.

November 27th, 2009 Posted by TLR | Challenging and Problematic People, Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers, Supervision and Management | 8 comments

Confidence and Success For You and Your Team

“Nothing succeeds like success.” That thought by Sir Arthur Helps in the 1860s is still true, and can be applied to you as a leader and to your team or work group.  

•Look for opportunities to point out successes and accomplishments. Say the words that emphasize what they have accomplished. (“Look at how much you got done in a short amount of time!” “Wow! Not one mistake!” “Very impressive!” “You guys did a great job.”)

•Mention the value of the team as well as the contributions of individuals when you commend formally or informally. (“This shows what we can do.” “This kind of work certainly shows the value of our unit.”)

•Be specific about what made a project or activity successful and give status to those positive actions. (“Tom and Ryan made a promise to themselves about this and look what they accomplished!”)

•Point out obstacles that were overcome or potential problems that were avoided. (“Shannon could have gotten frustrated over the confusion and given up, but she kept working and brought people together. That’s what got the great results.”)

 •Help your team see that they had what it took to be effective–and they will have even more the next time. (“These are the things that show what we can do.” “This kind of quality is what sets us apart.” “We can be the best of the best.”)

As your group gains confidence in themselves they will gain confidence in you, if you are an active part of their work-life. That is how all successful teams are developed: Leaders work to simultaneously develop confidence and success.  The team sees that the requirements, expectations–and sometimes the adamant insistence–of the leader, helps them achieve good things. It all works together!

More than confidence: On the other hand, Mark Twain once commented, “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.”  It isn’t enough to just develop confidence within your work group–they have to have the knowledge and skills to be effective. That also points to the approach you should take about formal or informal training: Give participants a vision of how it will help them be successful–and the confidence they can have as a result.

David Storey, the English playwright, said, “Have confidence that if you can do a little thing well, you can do a bigger thing well, too.”  Look for the small triumphs and accomplishments in everyday work and help employees see that by working together and working with you, they can do it again–even better. Help build their faith in you, themselves and the team. It’s a great feeling and gets great results.

November 18th, 2009 Posted by TLR | Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development, Supervision and Management | 5 comments

Say Hello And Goodbye

Whether you are a manager, supervisor or member of a work team, make it a habit to connect with others when you arrive and leave–and in between times too.  There may be times when you must rush in or rush out (or when you want to slip in the door and slip out without being seen) but limit those times and don’t let them be the norm. Be part of your work group and let your presence and absence have significance.

Be brief:  A greeting at the beginning of work and a farewell before leaving only requires a few friendly words. During the work period, when you come into a work areas, say hello or give a friendly smile or nod of the head, according to the work being done. The idea is to be courteous–and it is discourteous or at least uncivil to not acknowledge those with whom you work.

You should not engage each person in lengthy conversation, interrupt their activities or require more response than they wish to offer. I mention that because I know many people who prefer to hunker down with work, so a very brief greeting is all that is welcome.  The brightly smiling coworker who wants to spread good cheer every morning is dreaded and resented, not appreciated!

Be friendly: An unsmiling face makes a greeting or farewell seem robotic and insincere. You don’t have to grin or act insincerely friendly, just smile slightly and make eye contact as you say hello or goodbye.

Be personal: It’s possible to say hello and goodbye to an entire office or group-and some work settings make that more logical than stopping at each work space. However, even then, try to make eye contact with everyone and don’t exclude anyone. Don’t play favorites and especially don’t exclude anyone with whom you may have conflicts. Present yourself to that person and others as open and friendly in spite of disagreements.

Be positive: Work is tough enough without greetings and farewells that sound as though you are in a hell-hole of misery and tomorrow will be more of the same!  Everything that seems so troubling or stressful will soon fade into distant memory, so keep that perspective for yourself and share it through your positive facial expressions and words. Keep the approach that with everyone’s best efforts, your group can achieve anything. During the day, if you are busy and preoccupied, it takes no more energy to smile and say hello than it does to sigh heavily and sigh “hullo” as though the weight of the world is on you!

Be appreciative: The value of appreciation is two-fold: You have to develop the habit of noticing things for which you should be appreciative, and you reinforce the good actions of others when you thank them or share your appreciation with them.

Thank people for helping you during the day. If you are a manager, thank employees for things they may not have realized you noticed. Thank your supervisor or manager for his or her assistance. If you see someone who helped your work group, thank him or her as you are leaving. No one resents a thank you!

Be purposeful: Not long ago I was present when a manager was leaving work and said to the employees in his area, “Thank you all for your work today! Have a good evening and I’ll see you tomorrow!” The employees all looked up briefly, smiled and said goodnight.

The employee who was helping me said, “He is so nice. He says goodbye every night. One night he left in a hurry and called back so he could say goodnight to us!”  The employee was still smiling as she continued her work, which multiplied the positive effects of that brief farewell.

A manager in a police dispatch area told me she often walked through the area and stopped briefly at several consoles to see what was going on, but didn’t say anything for fear of being disruptive. Finally, one of the communications officers told her it was unnerving to have her walk by and look but not say anything at all. She resolved it by telling everyone that she was checking work as part of her job but in the future she would smile and at least nod when she did it! She said she felt a bit obvious at first, but got over that and could see the dispatchers appreciated her efforts.

Say hello and goodbye every work day. You will never regret it and you will find it to be a great way to add to the spirit of camaraderie and your own influence and relationships.

November 7th, 2009 Posted by TLR | Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers, Supervision and Management | 9 comments

Calling All Malingering, Gossiping, Inept and Boring People!

Training is supposed to be helpful and focused on motivation, improvement and expanded thinking. I think my training and presentations accomplish that–but the people who really need the training are never there. All the participants in my classes are incredibly high performing people who are carrying the load for everyone else and who are great team members while constantly striving to be an example of excellence and service. 

I’m not complaining, because I almost always really, really like everyone in my classes–I  truly do! But, I also would like to talk to a few of those people I’m always hearing about. For example, I want to meet these types:

Drama Queens (I’ll even settle for Kings). I know there are Drama Queens because I hear about them all the time, but they never come to anything I teach. The people who tell me about how vicious and evil their coworkers are and how they almost throw up every time they have to work with one and how that has been true in almost every place they have worked, have said those are the people who fit the description of Drama Royalty. However, so far I’ve been out of luck on meeting any of them.

Speaking of vicious and evil–where are those people when I’m teaching? I don’t want to have a demonic spawn of satan in every class. Nevertheless, since so many coworkers and bosses are described to me as being evil, vile, malevolent or sadistic, you’d think just one of them would give me a break and attend training now and then. But noooooooooo…I only get people who are nurturing, supportive and pleasant in spite of provocation. Sure, I love’em, but a little variety would be fun.

Are you unethical, uninspired, unenthused and disloyal? Send me your email and I’ll give you a discount on my next class. I want to meet you! I have met and admired many participants who are above reproach in every aspect of their work life and I’d like to see what the weasels they work with look like.

Lazy malingerers who lie and gossip apparently never get sent to training for any topic at all and never volunteer to attend. Instead, the rosters get filled with hard working people who speak up when they hear gossip or see unfairness and put a halt to it right away. They’re the same considerate people who never forward virus warnings or talk on a cell phone while driving–and their kids were never allowed to act-up like some of the brats you see in stores nowadays. No wonder I have a fun time teaching–I’ve got the cream of the crop in front of me!

I guess one reason I like all the participants in my classes so much is because they are like I always was in my career–diligently doing their best but held back by incompetent supervisors, managers who don’t have a clue, and weak, spineless so-called leaders.  I feel a kinship with every one of them.

Still, in the introductions I would like to have someone openly admit they are treacherous, diabolical backstabbers or even just boring, milk-toast, managers who are afraid of their own shadows.  If you aren’t practically perfect, please sign-up for a class or two. Why be content to make life horrible in your workplace when you could have a captive audience and a trainer to practice on?

See you soon, I hope!

October 19th, 2009 Posted by TLR | Challenging and Problematic People, Personal and Professional Development, Supervision and Management | 15 comments

Tech Rudeness Or Not?

A friend told me about a meeting she attended last week in which a coworker, Greg,  was looking at his wireless smart phone and texting with both hands–as he always did in meetings. (In the past, people had commented about this rude habit of his and wondered why his boss allowed him to get by with it.) Greg would only look up occasionally. Most of the time he was texting or scrolling. Finally the manager stopped the meeting to tell Greg to put the #$#@! phone away and pay attention.

Greg was shocked and a bit angry and hurt. He showed everyone the screen, which contained notes of the meeting. He said he always took notes that way and used them for the follow-up memo which many had thanked him for producing.  He hadn’t intended to be rude; he intended to be helpful.

That reminded me of two similar situations: In one situation a normally courteous person caught the negative attention of others in a training group by repeatedly looking at his smart phone, as though looking at emails or a text message.  Toward the close of the session it became apparent he had been keeping track of the time for a timed activity in which they were involved.

The other situation was reported to me by a supervisor who was talking to an employee about a work problem. In the middle of the conversation, the employee took out his smart phone and studied the screen, then scrolled and did some texting. He seemed distracted when he responded to a question about some statistics.  The supervisor finally said, “I would appreciate it if you would show me the courtesy of listening and not reading a message while we’re trying to figure this out.” The employee was surprised at the remarks and showed the screen–he had a spreadsheet with data about the problem and was reading along as the supervisor discussed the situation.

After these incidents I did a small survey to find out how people felt about the use of mobile devices in meetings and training. I’m going to continue to gather those opinions and will report them some other time. This post will be focused on the issue of reducing, at least a bit, the appearance of rudeness when you use a mobile device or smart phone.

• Do you actually need to take notes? If notes are needed, could a few hand written notes suffice? Are you the one who is designated for note taking or could you be more useful as an active contributor? For many people “taking notes” is a way to avoid participating.
• Explain your intentions. Tell others you will taking notes on the mobile device you use, but emphasize that you will be listening closely. Especially talk about it ahead of time to the group leader or to the trainer. They may tell you they would prefer you not do it.
• Make eye contact and respond to remarks. If you only look down at the screen you can’t communicate effectively, especially not in groups. Put the device down now and then to listen attentively and respond.
• Explain your specific purposes for using the mobile device. “Let me see if the emails I received about the project had the information we need. Give me a second to scroll through them.” When you are done, put the phone or device away.
• Pay attention to how you look to others.  Most adults stare intently at a mobile device because of the size of the screen. Their facial expression is one of concentration on the device, not on the meeting.  They use both hands to text and scroll. If they need glasses, they will tend to hold the smart phone out at arm’s length to see it. All of those things add to the distraction.

Many people are so frustrated about the use of mobile devices in meetings and training that no explanation will make it seem right. However, a brief explanation combined with care to ensure you listen and respond appropriately, may help in many situations. At least it will show that you are concerned about others in the group and that your intentions are positive.

October 12th, 2009 Posted by TLR | Personal and Professional Development, Training, Technology, Blogs, A/V etc. | 7 comments

The History of @

An At By Any Other Name Still Gets Email Delivered

Checking the library and the Internet will provide you with several histories of the @ symbol. Each of the sources state their version with complete confidence and authority.  (That’s how false history and urban legends get started. )

I am putting my trust in this well documented account: In 2000, Giorgio Stabile, a professor at La Sapienza University in Rome, found correspondence written in 1536 by a Florence merchant, Francesco Lapi, describing three treasure-filled ships that had recently arrived from Latin America.  Lapi wrote with mercantile script which had been developed prior to that time and which often involved wrapping a letter with a flourish to indicate a longer word.  He used a wrapped a to denote an amphora, which was a measurement based on the size of terracotta containers and which was also used as an equivalency measurement.  The wrapped a might have been used before then, but no earlier examples have been found.

Over time the wrapped a was used in commercial transactions to mean at the rate of, at each or for each. (12 @ $2.00). The first Underwood typewriter in 1885 contained the commercial symbol @, which most referred to simply as at, at each or commercial at. The symbol is also sometimes used in casual handwriting as a way to shorten the two-letter word at to one letter.

In 1971, Ray Tomlinson, a computer engineer was working with a team to develop a network between computers. Although developing a mail system was not the specific purpose of the project, it was part of the work. He needed to find a way to separate an electronic mail recipient from the host computer name. (The two large computers were actually side by side in his research area).  The word at made sense and the at symbol on the keyboard seemed obvious. It’s been used that way billions of times since then.

So, that is how the @ symbol evolved. Quite an evolution!  For the story of what the symbol is now called in other languages, check out an article about the various names for Señor Lapi’s quick version of amphora, which started it all.

October 8th, 2009 Posted by TLR | Personal and Professional Development, Training, Technology, Blogs, A/V etc. | 7 comments