An Instant Impact Thank You Note!
When class was done at the end of the Colorado Association of Chiefs of Police Supervisory Institute, I was gathering my training material and ready to go home. I had commuted almost four hours a day for three days and taught about the crucial role of a supervisor within an organization. My mind was as tired as the rest of me!
As I was picking up my training material I found a name card with a note on it. I smiled then laughed, because the officer who had apparently sneaked up and left it on my table, Officer James Johnson, had reminded me of a big puppy dog that created havoc whether he intended to or not. He was a lot of fun in the class and added to it in many ways. (At least, he added to my enjoyment!)
I write and teach about Instant Impact Communications and Instant Impact Moments, and Officer Johnson’s thank you card is a great example. I often receive emails and cards from participants in classes or conferences, and I save them all. But this was immediate, fun and very personal. It made an Instant Impact! (And, I can assure you, everyone needs some support and encourgement after they teach a class!)
Consider this the next time you go to any meeting, conference or training where you have a name card. Write a note on it before you leave, to send a positive message to the person who put a lot of effort into the program–the speaker, instructor, coordinator or events manager. It will be a wonderful compliment for someone who is tired and hoping their efforts were appreciated. It will end the training time on a positive note for you as well!
October 9th, 2008
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Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development |
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Ouch!
When I got the phone call from the reporter at the Denver Post I was happy to hear from her. I had no idea the call would end with me shaking from anger and frustration! Have you had that happen?
I had left a message for the reporter, a religious writer for the paper in the past, who had been recommended to me. I told her briefly about the unexpected response I have had to the free PDF document on church security I send to people who request it. Through this site alone I have sent out about 1,800, and most of the recipients pass them along to many others.
I believe there is an interesting story in the fact that, through people finding this site on a search engine, I have sent that document to almost every state, and to Canada, Mexico, England, Ireland, Scotland, Norway, India, China, Japan, El Salvador, Peru, Mexico, Australia, Nova Scotia and Texas. Do you think that could have happened thirty years ago? Would there have been a perceived need thirty years ago?
Suffice it to say the reporter jumped on me with all four feet, almost from her first words. She clearly had little knowledge of security planning, emergency responses, or the situation in most churches, but she had plenty of opinions anyway, and let me know she didn’t agree with me. (She thinks telling ushers to get assistance rather than tackling a suspicious person, is creating a victim mentality.) She wasn’t at all interested in the international requests, or the many positive follow-up messages I had received.
Finally–not soon enough–I said I was done arguing with her about it and we hung up with negative feelings. I was stunned at her reaction to what I thought was a helpful gesture!
Have you ever been bitten when you were trying to be helpful?
My experience with the reporter reminded me of the time an employee with the United States Marshals Service, John Soltys, a recently discharged Navy Seal who was enthusiastic and hardworking, suggested an improvement in the prisoner cell block. We forwarded his idea to headquarters for a commendation and they wrote back that he should be disciplined because he went outside his scope of responsibility.
Not long ago a friend of mine picked up a toy a child had dropped in a store and smilingly gave it back to her. The child’s mother grabbed it and angrily said, “Are you nuts? That teaches her to take things from strangers!” (I think someone was nuts in that conversation.)
How can you respond to unexpected bites?
Use self-control. Avoid lashing out in anger or hurt. Use your face and voice to show that you want to know what has caused the unexpected reaction. Smile if it is appropriate. Show concern, ask questions, give people a chance to back off from their hasty actions.
Be as honest and open as the situation will allow: “I don’t know what to say. I really didn’t expect this to be a problem.” “I have to tell you, I’m surprised I’m getting this response.” Perhaps a simple clarification or explanation can completely change the reactions of the other person.
You may need to stop the interaction, if you are in a situation where you can do so: “I was mistaken and thought you might be interested. You’re not, so we don’t need to talk about it anymore.”
There will be some situations in which you cannot present your viewpoint and you can only hope to get our rear-end out of the situation safely! At that point your best response is a simple, “I’m sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“Once bitten, twice shy.” There are some people you can never please and they approach most conversations with an unpleasant attitude. Others, like you and me, may not always respond effectively, but it is not the norm and we work to avoid being unpleasant, as well as working to show appreciation.
Put A Muzzle On Yourself
Think before you reject an idea or a person. Don’t say no too quickly and don’t assume you know all about the situation and can make a clear decision. Find out more.
Use your expression and voice to present your best self. When you must disagree or decline something, you can say no without saying it in a way that is offensive, hurtful or dismissive. Especially read your emails to ensure that you are not being more curt or sarcastic than you intended.
Consider the intentions of others. The old adage is that we judge ourselves by our intentions while others judge us by our actions. Change that a bit. Work to judge intentions and try to put a good spin on them until you are proven wrong. That is what you would want from others.
Appreciate efforts: We often say, derisively, “they meant well.” At least honor that, even though you should not accept poor work or a bad outcome. Treat effort and outcome separately. When people have tried to do the right thing, don’t repay them by biting their heads off about it.
Smiling is the best way to show your teeth!
October 5th, 2008
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*Free Church Security PDF, Personal and Professional Development |
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The Jumblies
by Edward Lear
They went to sea in a Sieve, they did,
In a Sieve they went to sea:
In spite of all their friends could say,
On a winter’s morn, on a stormy day,
In a Sieve they went to sea!
And when the Sieve turned round and round,
And everyone cried, ‘You’ll all be drowned!’
They called aloud, ‘Our Sieve ain’t big,
But we don’t care a button! we don’t care a fig!
In a Sieve we’ll go to sea!’
That is one of the many nonsense poems by Edward Lear (1812-1888). The Jumblies were a strange group–”their heads are green and their hands are blue.” But what made them so strange for this poem was their insistence upon doing something as dangerous as getting in a sieve (a kitchen strainer, pronounced, sive, as in give) and setting sail on a Winter’s morn, on a stormy day.
Countries, governments, businesses, organizations and individuals often end up in precarious situations that, after the fact, seemed inevitably doomed. It is also true that sometimes even the most safe appearing ventures can fail.
- Have you ever–OK, right now are you doing it?–felt as though you were in a sieve in the sea on a stormy day?
- Have you wondered how the heck you ended up in such a pickle?
- Have you thought that if only you could go back in time a bit, you would not get into that sieve in the first place?
- If there was a group called Sieve Sailors Anonymous, would you join? (Pass me that application, please!)
Avoid Being Like the Jumblies
1. Consider every significant decision as a boat that will take you somewhere. Will this action, this assignment, this relationship, this conversation, take you where you want to go? How you spend your next five minutes can be significant!
2. Be ready to make repairs. There is an old proverb about even the very best sails: “Split happens.” (OK, that isn’t an old proverb, but it could be!) Be ready emotionally, mentally, fincancially and every other way to repair damages and keep moving. That takes planning and requires long-term self-management.
3. Know when it’s time to change your plans. You don’t need to jump ship at the first big wave. But, if you are being swamped, don’t apologize for making a change. You may have to make big changes or only small ones. Whatever you do, be in charge of it as much as you can, rather than delaying until someone else takes over for you. Put your plans in writing and track your progress. Do not slack off even for one hour about something as important as this!
4. If you ever find yourself in a sieve in the sea on a Winter’s morn and a stormy day, act quickly to get to a safe harbor. Most importantly, don’t waste time feeling stupid or guilty for getting out there in the first place. There is no point in wishing things were different. They aren’t. You got in a sieve, and that’s all there is to it. Start bailing and do the best you can, with a smile on your face and a commitment to not get yourself in that situation again. You can do it!
October 1st, 2008
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TLR |
Personal and Professional Development |
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Ten Ways to Be Impressive In a New Job
or New Assignment.
1. Plan your farewell party before your first day at work. When you leave, what do you want them to say about you? What do you want in your letter of reference? Work like that, live like that, and relate to others like that, from day one.
2. Make each day a new job interview. You probably answered some questions about the kind of employee you would be and how you would look and act at work. Make those answers come true. Assume that you are being evaluated by others each day, because you are.
3. Remember that nothing is as bad or as good as it seems in the first few days. Do not become so discouraged or so impressed in your first few days that you make the assumption it will always be the way it seems. Focus on the work and on effective interactions with coworkers, supervisors and others and look to the future. Give it time to develop.
4. Balance confidence with humility. This is a difficult balance to find, but it is a good one. Walk and talk confidently, but do not assume you have paid dues enough to criticize, act overly impressed with yourself, or behave as though you do not need help at all. Confident humility is a very impressive trait.
5. Look and act a bit above the level you are working. You have probably heard the advice about dressing for the position you want to have. That is not entirely practical or appropriate. However, it is true that the best way to look and act all the time–and certainly as a new employee–is a tad bit better than required for your job. Dress as nicely as you can, rather than dressing down to the lowest level you can get by with. Talk as if the CEO or boss was present, rather than talking as though you are with peers who completely understand you and agree with you. Act as though you are a career person, rather than only having a job, even if you only have a short-term job.
6. If you are outgoing, back off a bit. If you are quiet, reach out a bit. Do not overwhelm people with your friendliness and cheerfulness, but also do not seem disinterested, hostile or excessively shy. Get to know people in a moderate way at first.
7. Act normal. That sounds like strange advice, doesn’t it? But, the reason many new employee are shut out or not considered a good choice for the job is that they display every quirk and eccentricity in the first few days or weeks. Many of those should never be displayed! There is never a time when it is good to talk to yourself, heavy sigh repeatedly, wear lots of fragrance, have some strange and quirky habit or mannerism, talk in strange accents and tone for the fun of it, talk about your politics or religion, or talk obsessively about anything. Just act normal, ordinary, routine, and easy to work around. You do not have to impress everyone with your uniqueness all the time.
8. Use your performance evaluation form as a map for excellence. ASAP look at the form that will be used to rate you, if there is one. Write down the areas in which you will be rated. Then, make sure you are purposely working to provide your supervisor with examples of how you fit those areas. If there is not form, talk to your supervisor about his or her views of excellent performance and behavior. Demonstrating that you fulfill the qualities and traits of excellence in your specific work is the way to be a star!
9. Build and maintain a good relationship with your supervisor. It is good to have positive relationships with coworkers, but do not do that at the expense of a good relationship with your supervisor. Your supervisor is the one who completes your evaluation, makes recommendations about you and your work and can make work life easier or not. Be courteous, appropriately friendly and be sure to ask for advice, assistance or direction. You may not have what you consider to be a great supervisor, but the advice still applies.
10. Keep a journal on your home computer or in a hard copy book at home. Just a few words now and then can help you stay on target with your work goals. Your journal is a good place to write your first impressions, concerns and triumphs, and other interesting information. You will also enjoy it tremendously in the future!
Key point: You can apply these concepts no matter how long you have been in your job. Every day can be the first day and your best day.
If you have a new job or new assignment within your organization, best wishes with it! You may need more than ten steps to be completely successful, but these will certainly get you started.
September 26th, 2008
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Personal and Professional Development |
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Use a GPS System to Help You Stay on the Road to Wealth
As I was reading the old magazine pictured above, I thought about the fact that the article could have been written today. Money, and what money can buy, has been part of life forever. What tends to change for us as individuals is why we want money.
It seems we go through stages in our lives: First, we want money to buy fun things, then to establish ourselves, then to support the family infrastructure (and that’s a good word for it, because it becomes an empire of sorts!) then to provide peace of mind, and finally to make being old and ill easier financially on ourselves and others. That’s about the most depressing thing I have ever written! But, I think it’s true for many.
It doesn’t take a financial wizard to determine that our economy is not going to be glowingly healthy in the coming years, and neither will your financial well-being if you are not careful. The money you make will have to go further, because prices are going up faster than your salary. Having protection against loss of income and changes in benefits and retirement programs, is more critical than ever. Medical care is truly a challenge, and if you become really ill, it could be devastating to your family’s future.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to be so gloomy, and you can have peace of mind as well as making fun purchases now and then. But, unless you inherit a chunk of money, you will have to make it happen with what you have, where you are.
One of the best programs I have seen for tracking money and helping you to visualize where your money is being spent, as well as recommending changes and even advising about which bills to pay off first and how to do it, is Mint.com. It is interesting and user-friendly. It is also safe and well respected among programs of its kind. I don’t get paid to talk about it–and if you have something better to use, use it. I just thought I’d mention it because I have heard so many people mention it positively, and I’m going to use it myself.
This link will take you to the page that demonstrates the site. Check it out. It is particularly worthwhile for young adults and those who are still in their peak earning years, but it’s useful for maximizing limited money later, too. It’s not just a map, it’s a GPS system that helps you monitor a variety of issues.
It is never too early to get on the road to financial stability, and it is never too late to get off the road that takes you where you do not want to go. Try Mint. com, or at least read some of the articles, to help you manage better in any economic environment–but especially in the next few years.
September 16th, 2008
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Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development |
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When your past catches up with you, or you catch up with your past. Last month a woman was photographed after paying $53,000 to have puppies cloned from her former beloved pet. When her photo circulated around the world, several people came forward to accuse her of crimes dating back thirty years! She is facing a number of charges right now, although some of them have been dropped because of the statute of limitations.
You may also recall several cases in which people on 12 Step Recovery programs have contacted people to seek forgiveness and make amends (Step Nine) and been charged and tried for the crimes they committed. In one case the man admitted to a lesser crime but his victim claimed something more serious and he was found guilty of that crime.
In the first situation, the woman’s past caught up with her and she is desperately trying to claim that it was not her. In the other situation, the people brought their pasts into the open in an effort to make things better–not always successfully. What they have in common with many of us is that they would like to erase the parts of their past that are now so humiliating or troubling, or that are creating trouble for them. One man who sought forgiveness for stealing money from his workplace thirty years ago said, “That was another me. The me I am now is ashamed, disgusted and repulsed by what I did.”
Have you ever felt that way? Not about something criminal I hope, but about something you wish you had not done, or swear you would never do now? Have you ever remembered something you said, did or thought years ago–or only months, weeks or days ago–and wished you could erase it? You cannot, and neither can those who are aware of what you did. So, is there any way to make it better?
1. If you can apologize without causing emotional pain or embarassment, do so. If you had a bad relationship or did unkind or ill-judged things, or if someone else “knew you when”, and you wish they had a better memory of you, perhaps you can discuss it with them and feel some forgiveness or at least understanding. That is not always a kind thing, however–and you may find it makes the other person feel bad while you are trying to feel good.
If you do not feel you can apologize or if you think it will create more hard feelings, consider re-contacting that person and focus on establishing a better relationship this time. They may think there are things they need to apologize about as well! Or, if it seems you can talk about it, mention your poor judgment and talk briefly about the old you and how you regret what you did. Sometimes one sincere sentence like that can bring resolution to both of you, without creating even more discomfort.
2. Commit to your new, better and more mature life. Perhaps you were wrong or used poor judgment back then. LIve your life now in the best way possible. Think of what you want to say about your life in another year. Will you be proud of your work and life this year or will you be wishing you could erase it?
3. Do not make excuses for yourself. It is true that you are probably no worse than many others. It is also true that no good comes from beating up on yourself mentally about relatively minor things from the past. However, do not fall into the trap of convincing yourself you really have no reason to feel remorse or regret. One way you know you have matured and improved is that you see what you did wrong and what was unwise, and you feel badly about it.
4. Be your own parent or counselor. If a friend or your child came to you with the situation you are thinking about, what would you suggest they do? You would probably tell them to try to make it right, and if that is not possible, to simply promise to do better in the future and live up to the promise. That is what you can do as well.
Whatever you did decades, years or months ago, you do not have to do it again. You can be a better person, and a person for whom you have more respect. If you do that steadily, consistently and whole-heartedly, you will be able to see yourself as different than that old version of you was, and others will see you differently as well. Now and then you may find someone who remembers the old you. Let them hear and see the new you, and stick with it. The new you–the best you–can be the real you!
September 7th, 2008
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TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development |
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