Take A Guest To Meetings
If you participate in committees, groups, clubs or activities or attend organizational meetings that are appropriate and not confidential, consider inviting an employee or coworker along now and then–there can be many benefits for both of you.
*Employees and coworkers can expand their views of the organization and your role in it.
*It gives you and the employee or coworker an opportunity to communicate about general issues as well as the issues involved in the meeting or committee.
*It allows the employee or coworker to meet people within and outside your organization and to build a network for his or her professional development.
*It allows you the chance to observe the employee or coworker in another setting, and to discover strengths or developmental needs you might not know otherwise. (And they can observe you, too!)
*It lets employees and coworkers see what you do when you’re out of the office. Nearly always they find out you are not spending the time just having fun!
Lookout For Pitfalls
1. Don’t play favorites. Try to rotate through the list of potentials unless there are events or meetings that would only be appropriate for one or a few people. You might be surprised at the topics in which an employee would be interested.
2. Use social graces at the meeting. Arrive early so you can introduce your guest. Especially introduce him or her to the chairman of the committee or to key participants. It makes everyone feel more valued. Provide the employee or coworker with handout copies and make sure he or she can follow the action (or inaction!) or the meeting.
3. Discuss the role of your guest ahead of time. That is especially important if he or she will be lower in rank or organizational status than others. If he or she will sit in an observer area while you must sit at a table, make that clear in a courteous way. If you want the employee to feel comfortable speaking up during discussions, let him or her know that as well.
If your guest is someone you supervise, do not have them take notes for you, get coffee for you or anything else that seems menial and not part of a professional role. (At a specific group of meetings I used to attend, the people who were there with the executives were referred to as “horse holders”. As in, “We’ll have a seat or two for any horse holders you bring.” I thought it sounded obnoxious and said so. No one else seemed to think anything of it, including the horse holders!
4. Don’t gripe and complain. You don’t have to lie or be insincere if you genuinely hate attending or if you have a deep conflict with another participant. However, if you feel that negative, maybe you should attend and suffer alone.
5. Be aware that your guest will be keenly aware of everything you say and do. You’ll be forced to be on your best behavior. (That’s another advantage to having them there!) Be an example of how a productive meeting participant should talk and act.
6. Use the time after the meeting. Take a few minutes afterwards to get a cup of coffee or have lunch, if time is available. Go somewhere inexpensive and pay for it–or not–but at least use the time to relax and get to know the employee or coworker better. Don’t use it as a time to gossip or for trying to get the employee on your side or impressing him or her with your accomplishments.
7. Follow up. Let the employee or coworker know meeting results or keep them informed about something in which they would be interested. Let them know that you might be available to attend a meeting they are attending sometime. It would be good for you to expand your thinking as well.
The bottom line: You can only gain positive influence if you show through your actions that you are credible, dependable and valuable to those with whom you work. You must also communicate effectively–preferably face to face. You can help to gain all of thsoe characteristics by including others when you attend meetings or gatherings, participate on committees, and take part in other activities related to work.
Look at your calendar for the next few months and find meetings and events to which you can invite an employee or coworker. While you are deciding who to ask, consider this thought by the writer, Nathaniel Hawthorne.
It contributes greatly towards a man’s moral and intellectual health, to be brought into habits of companionship with individuals unlike himself, who care little for his pursuits, and whose sphere and abilities he must go out of himself to appreciate.“
January 24th, 2010
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Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers, Supervision and Management |
8 comments
I’ve sometimes wondered if the person who is driving me crazy is only that way in a specific setting (the one I’m in at the time) or if he or she is always that way. Fortunately for my peace of mind, I don’t consider the idea that I might be annoying as well. Highly improbable!
My friend Jeff Adams wrote a post last month about annoying airplane travelers. I could relate to all of his descriptions–especially the passengers who hold up everyone else while stuffing their over-sized bags into the overhead bins. Then it’s slam, slam, SLAM, while they try to close the door.
My neighbor, Larry Homenick, has a list of annoyances he encounters at casinos. (I don’t go to those places, so I’m taking his word on these). They include the Button Pounder, the Slot Machine Expert, the Slot Machine Hog, the Over-Your-Shoulder Starer, and the Childishly Excited. (Oh my gosh. Oh my GOSH! OH MY GOSH!!!!!!! I won two dollars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Last week I was checking out at an Office Max and the guy in front of me was so preoccupied talking on his cell phone, he couldn’t respond to anything the sales clerk was asking–the sales clerk was visibly annoyed and so were those of us standing and waiting. We all have stories like that nowadays. They are as common as the annoyances of having someone scrolling through email while you’re teaching or conversing; talking on the phone loudly, as though others want to hear or won’t notice, or forwarding silly emails or urban legends to you and fifty others.
There are traffic annoyances; personal habits that are annoying; repetitious words and phrases that were charming, witty or interesting the first thousand times the person said them, but aren’t anymore; inside jargon; annoying children, annoying sounds (whistling, humming, snorting, etc.) and a myriad of other things. (And saying we should overlook those things is annoying too. It’s always easier to tell someone to ignore an annoyance than it is to ignore the thing that annoys you.)
More ways to be annoying: In case you don’t have enough ways to be annoying, I’ll give you an excerpt from the list you may have already seen. I haven’t found out the correct attribution–the source listed by some sites hasn’t proven to be correct. Very annoying!
- Learn Morse Code and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeeep, Bip, Bip, Beep, Bip, Beeeep…”
- Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
- Sniffle incessantly. (Note: Or cough, pick your noise, scratch your arm, neck or face, etc.)
- Insist on keeping your windshield wipers running in all weather conditions to keep them “tuned up.”
- Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what YOU think.”
- Follow a few paces behind someone spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
- Finish all your sentences with the words, “in accordance with prophecy.”
- ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
- Repeat everything someone says, in the form of a question. (Note: That’s why “active listening” techniques can be annoying.)
- Demand that everyone address you as “Conquistador”. (Note: I knew a guy who wanted me to call him Tarzan, but it might not be the same concept.)
- Stand over someones shoulder mumbling as they read. (Note: That’s still not as bad as standing behind a stranger and watching while they play a slot machine.)
- Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-worker’s minds. (Note: Like Mike O’Neill and Art Hutchison used to do to Gary Gosage with “Sh-boom, sh-boom. Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta, sh-boom, sh-boom…”)
I saw a sign the other day that undoubtedly is appropriate for all of us:
Sh-boom, sh-boom. Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta, sh-boom, sh-boom……
January 3rd, 2010
Posted by
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Challenging and Problematic People, Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers |
18 comments
Unacceptable Excuses
* “Uh, Herman forgot to cover your car when he sprayed the paint on your house. Poor guy, he’s had a lot of problems at home lately, so there’s no point in making him feel worse.”
* “You won’t be getting your paychecks this month. We’re doing more with less over here in Budget, so Mathilda completely forgot about the payroll. She feels awful about it, but I can’t blame her what with all work we’ve had to do.”
* “I know Roberto promised your invitations would be done in time to mail before the wedding, but you won’t be getting them until the week after that. You’ll be on your honeymoon by then anyway, so the delay shouldn’t be a big problem, right?”
* “OK, so my guys forgot to put brakes in a few hundred cars last week. They’re only human and they make mistakes now and then. How come no one mentions the hundreds of brakes they put in like they were supposed to?”
* “I’m sorry about your incision coming open and your intestines falling on the floor. If you had double-checked to make sure we sewed you up correctly, maybe it wouldn’t have happened. However, I’m not going to play the blame game at this point. The important thing is that it was a learning experience for all of us.”
Stop Making Excuses For Late Work, Bad Work and No Work!
For all the times supervisors and managers complain about the work or behavior of employees, in most cases there are a dozen times when they make excuses:
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“My guys are really busy.”
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“She’s got problems at home.”
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“We were under a lot of time pressure.”
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“She feels unappreciated.”
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“He felt frustrated.”
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“It was really your fault.”
If you care about an employee, work with them to help them overcome stressful or unpleasant circumstances by putting their focus on their responsiblities. You don’t help them or anyone else–certainly not yourself–by making excuses or lowering standards. (If that sounds harsh, consider how many times you have complained about getting bad service or bad work in stores or businesses–don’t you wish excellence had been the standard?)
If an employee can’t behave or perform correctly, teach him or her to do it the right way. Then, provide oversight and assistance to ensure quality work. An internal or external customer should not be the guinea pig on which an employee practices. Do quality checks while the work is being done, not when there is a complaint. (Sadly, many of the things that diminish your reputation and the reputation of your group will never be formally complained about.)
If an employee can do the work acceptably but doesn’t, apologize to the person who received the poor service or a poor product and make it right. You don’t need to apologize in a way that demeans the employee, but there should be no doubt in the mind of the client or customer that you are sorry and you will make it right in the way they want, if possible.
If the problem involves conflict or poor service within the work place, look for the primary contributor rather than automatically saying everyone was at fault. Sometimes only one employee is creating the problem–hold that employee accountable rather than talking to everyone in a meeting or memo.
Don’t be too mild when you tell the employee about the problem. Many supervisors make the mistake of downplaying the seriousness of a work problem, as a way to help the employee save face or as a way to avoid conflict. However, when you talk to the employee, you should make it clear in what you say and how you say it that the behavior or performance wasn’t acceptable and that it must improve, starting immediately. Try to involve the employee in the actions required to make-up to the customer for the poor product or results. Consider The One Minute Manager approach, which calls for brief but specific conversations.
Support and praise good work and don’t accept bad work. Never allow a culture of mediocrity to develop. You owe that to your organization, the people you serve, employees who are doing the right things, the employee who didn’t do the right thing–and you owe it to yourself. The first time you hear an excuse, call it what it is and don’t accept it. There might be reasons that are justified–a needed item didn’t arrive, someone else didn’t do their work, someone was gone legitimately. Even in those cases, often someone could have prevented the problem if they had been on top of the situation.
The next time you make an excuse, let someone off the hook, back down, change a deadline, approve substandard work, or are too mild in your critique of bad work, think about all the times:
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When you have planned on an assignment being done and found out it wasn’t;
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When the work product was a big disappointment to you but you accepted it anyway;
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When you have been more worried than the employee about a problem;
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When you re-did something or got someone else to do it, but didn’t tell the person responsible;
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When you had to back-pedal and make excuses to someone higher than you;
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When you have had to smooth things out, field complaints or put a good spin on something;
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When you have taken the heat for something someone else failed to do or did poorly, and they didn’t even say thank you.
Aren’t you tired of that? If it happens tomorrow, what excuse will you be quick to provide? What excuse will you accept? Why should you accept any excuse at all, especially if even one other employee is doing good work with good behavior in the same circumstances?
How would this one set with you?
“Hey, I know you told Jake you wanted your tattoo to read, ‘I’m a Lover’, but you gotta’ admit, ‘I’m a Loser’ is close.”
December 16th, 2009
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Challenging and Problematic People, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers, Supervision and Management |
6 comments
Part of maturity and effectiveness at work is learning to deal with (translation: Smile, grit your teeth and tolerate) the behavior of others who have different styles, traits, habits and perspectives than yours. However, there comes a time when a coworker is negatively effecting your work or your mental or emotional state or when you are making unreasonable adjustments for their benefit. What can you do then? The answer isn’t the same in every situation, but some guidelines can be applied:
1. Make sure you aren’t part of the problem. Could it be that the irritating behavior of others is a reaction to your own quirky behavior? If others have hinted to you or joked about something you do or say, or if you are well known for an approach that is irritating to others, face up to the fact that you might be part of the problem. Work to change before you work to change others. You may want to acknowledge your part of the problem to the other person and negotiate what you will both change.
2. Consistently and appropriately be clear about what what is bothering you. Don’t expect someone to know you are upset if you ignore it most of the time, laugh or joke about it sometimes but only now and then act upset.
3. React in a way that is appropriate for the situation. Don’t react in a way that is rude, disruptive or hurtful. When you fire back a nasty retort, use obscenities or rude gestures, or gossip and complain excessively behind somone’s back, you become the problem as well–and you lose the support you might have had. What you say or do will depend upon the severity and impact of the actions of the other person. You may say something with a reproving smile and gentle tone or you may have a frown and sound briskly adamant, according to the situation.
Trying to suggest phrases is always difficult because there are so many verbal nuances that are missed, and you have your own verbal style. However, here is a mix of mild, moderate and strong responses you might make.
“Stop. Stop. Stop.” (This can be said with a smile, a frown, while holding up a hand or while leaving the conflict, according to the situation. When you have the attention of the other person, talk directly but courteously about what is bothering you.)
“Uh oh, that’s getting close to being over the line!”
“Don’t.” (You may have to say it more than once, but often it is all that needs to be said.)
“That’s really distracting. Would you please stop?”
“Lisa, what caused that tone of voice?”
“I don’t understand why you did that. Tell me.”
“You sound upset, but I don’t know why. Are you?”
“How did you mean that the way it sounded?”
“You said that jokingly but I think you were serious. Were you joking or serious?”
“Greg, please don’t do that anymore.”
“That kind of remark makes me feel (how?).”
“Tricia, what would make you think I would respond well to that? I don’t. So don’t do it again.”
“That approach doesn’t work well with me, so you might as well stop it now.”
“Matt, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt about your motives, but this has got to stop. Now.”
“OK, I can see this isn’t going well. Let’s talk to (the supervisor or manager) and get this worked out, now.”
3. When your direct, appropriate communication doesn’t help the situation, get assistance. If you have communicated about a problem clearly and the coworker is aware of your feelings, but continues to do the same disruptive things, go to your manager, Human Resources section or someone else who can either advise you or assist you. Don’t complain incessantly, vow revenge, play dirty tricks or seethe inwardly. Go to your manager and ask for advice or make a formal complaint, according to the seriousness of the situation. You will get stronger results if you write your concern or at least ask for a formal interview time with your manager, rather than complaining in a general sense but not asking for action to be taken.
Be prepared to hear your manager sound less concerned than you are. However, if you are told to continue to accept the behavior of the other person, courteously stand your ground and insist something must change–unless you feel you have no other choice in order to stay out of trouble yourself. Many (if not most) managers hope a conflict or problem will go away so they don’t have to deal with it. They are more likely to take action about something that effects work performance than they are about behavior. So, link the behavior to how it is effecting your work and the work of others or to the final work product.
Until you have directly talked to your manager, don’t make the assumption that nothing will be done. If you only complain in a general way or if you are a big part of the problem, you are less likely to get action. But until you have tried to get help from a higher level, you don’t know for sure what will happen.
4. If the action continues, escalate your complaint but still stay appropriate. If you believe the situation merits it, write a strong letter requesting your manager investigate and intervene to ensure the behavior stops. If that doesn’t work, go higher. Take it as far as you need to take it, within reason for the situation. (Just make sure you are being a valuable employee at the same time.)
The bottom line: Most problems between coworkers are never confronted openly and courteously, they are only complained about. Or, the complaining employee will covertly sabotage the work or reputation of the other employee. That is how conflicts develop and why they continue and get worse. You don’t need to be harsh to get your point across to a coworker whose work style or habits are bothering you. On the other hand, if you never say you are bothered, why should the other employee be concerned? As usual, honest but appropriate communication is the key to making things better.
Do you work with someone whose manner or actions disrupt, irritate or disturb you or make work more difficult? The situation won’t improve on its own, so do something effective about it–or at least try.
December 2nd, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers |
5 comments
Personal Style or Pain in the Neck?
Each of us has a unique style based on an infinite number of contributing factors. A personal and professional challenge for each of us is to be what seems comfortable and right to us, without creating problems. A manager’s job is to work with the unique styles of all employees as much as possible. What should be the limit to those efforts?
1. When an employee’s quirks, traits, appearance or actions disrupt work or harm the work product or the organization. A manager’s responsibility is to be alert for the very first indicators of problems and to take action immediately to ensure the employee corrects them.
In some work places one or a few employees have been disruptive for weeks, months or years! Of course, the employee should have enough sensitivity and awareness to see what he or she is doing and change it. And, coworkers should have enough confidence and conviction to do something about the things that bother them. But, ultimately whose responsibility is it?
2. When unreasonable adjustments have to be made. If allowing the employee to work within his or her personal style would require adjustments of performance or behavior standards or the work environment, or an unreasonable tolerance by coworkers, the manager must ensure the employee adjusts to fit into the bigger picture, not the other way around.
Each of us wants the freedom to incorporate our personalities, preferences, experiences, knowledge and skills into our work. An effective manager faciliates individuality as much as possible. Nevertheless, all employees should be hired, evaluated and retained based on their performance and behavior—and part of that involves adapting personal styles to the larger work environment.
The bottom line: It is possible for everyone to be comfortable within their personal styles, while not imposing those styles on others unreasonably. However, “That’s just the way he is”, is never a reason for tolerating ineffective performance or behavior.
Do you know someone who creates many problems at work and everyone else makes adjustments to deal with that person? Who is that employee’s supervisor or manager? I hope it isn’t you.
November 27th, 2009
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Challenging and Problematic People, Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers, Supervision and Management |
7 comments
Whether you are a manager, supervisor or member of a work team, make it a habit to connect with others when you arrive and leave. There may be times when you must rush in or rush out (or when you want to slip in the door and slip out without being seen) but limit those times and don’t let them be the norm. Be part of your work group and let your presence and absence have significance.
Be brief: A greeting at the beginning of work and a farewell before leaving only requires a few friendly words. You should not engage each person in lengthy conversation, interrupt their activities or require more response than they wish to offer.
I mention that last part because I know many people who prefer to hunker down with work, so a very brief greeting is all that is welcome. The brightly smiling coworker who wants to spread good cheer every morning is dreaded and resented, not appreciated!
Be friendly: An unsmiling face makes a greeting or farewell seem robotic and insincere. You don’t have to grin or act insincerely friendly, just smile slightly and make eye contact as you say hello or goodbye.
Be personal: It’s possible to say hello and goodbye to an entire office or group-and some work settings make that more logical than stopping at each work space. However, even then, try to make eye contact with everyone and don’t exclude anyone. Don’t play favorites and especially don’t exclude anyone with whom you may have conflicts. Present yourself to that person and others as open and friendly in spite of disagreements.
Be positive: Work is tough enough without greetings and farewells that sound as though you are in a hell-hole of misery and tomorrow will be more of the same! Everything that seems so troubling or stressful will soon fade into distant memory, so keep that perspective for yourself and share it through your positive facial expressions and words. Keep the approach that with everyone’s best efforts, your group can achieve anything.
Be appreciative: The value of appreciation is two-fold: You have to develop the habit of noticing things for which you should be appreciative, and you reinforce the good actions of others when you thank them or share your appreciation with them.
Thank people for helping you during the day. If you are a manager, thank employees for things they may not have realized you noticed. Thank your supervisor or manager for his or her assistance. If you see someone who helped your work group, thank him or her as you are leaving. No one resents a thank you!
Be purposeful: Not long ago I was present when a manager was leaving work and said to the employees in her area, “Thank you all for your work today! Have a good evening and I’ll see you tomorrow!” The employees all looked up briefly, smiled and said goodnight.
The employee who was helping me said, “She is so nice. She says goodbye every night. One night she left in a hurry and called back so she could say goodnight to us!” The employee was still smiling as she continued her work, which multiplied the positive effects of that brief farewell.
Say hello and goodbye every work day. You will never regret it and you will find it to be a great way to add to the spirit of camaraderie and your own influence and relationships.
November 7th, 2009
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Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers, Supervision and Management |
9 comments
Not long ago I was introduced to an organization called Smile & Move. You can find out about the concept and get nifty tips and products here. The information and advice is certainly needed! The next time you are observing a crowd, office or business, notice how few people smile–and how lethargic many of them act about work. Those uninspired images should be a good reminder to look and act pleasant and to show enthusiasm and a willingness to help others.
The honey bee is the traditional example of cheerful industry. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bee grin but I’ve watched bees work and it is fascinating to see how thorough they are as they buzz between, over and in flowers. However, buzzing around like a bee at work is not necessarily a positive thing. It can be irritating and often makes work more difficult.
The problems with excessive buzzing around at work:
*Hyperactivity can seem out of control and overly dramatic.
*Rushed, worried talking can give the impression of being overwhelmed.
*Hurried work leads to mistakes, accidents and misunderstandings.
*When the behavior is chronic it seems manic rather than admirable.
*Other employees resent having to deal with the uproar and panic that seems to often accompany an excessively active person.
Another problem is that being busy as a bee can become egotistical and self-serving. It’s easy to use multi-tasking and busy, busy, busyness as a way to slyly attempt to show others up: “Thank goodness I’m working so hard, since no one else is. I’m such a saint.” Sometimes hectic people make a habit of sharing their long lists of tasks with others. No one is impressed and in fact, they become even more resentful.
Calm down. If you know you tend to buzz around, purposely calm down.
- Move a bit slower to avoid the appearance you are wogging everywhere you go.
- Stop now and then to regain your composure and self control.
- Realize that everyone else is probably working hard too, so don’t create more problems for them with your obsessiveness.
- Don’t recite your list of tasks to others.
- Consider reducing the list and learning to deal with your time and work more effectively.
Smile and move with purpose and composure. Isn’t that the way you want to be viewed by others?
Check out the Smile & Move website, then use it to help yourself have a positive attitude and take positive action–without bouncing or buzzing off the walls.
July 28th, 2009
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TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers |
6 comments
Bluetooth technology, headsets and speaker phones have made it possible to talk on the phone while reading, word processing, eating, walking, driving or just about anything else. But, it very often sounds incredibly rude.
Reading email and commenting on it while talking to someone else.
“Yes, I agree that we should probably reschedule that for next….WHAT THE HECK? Why are they sending me THIS? ……………………I’m sorry, I was looking at an email I got from Dave and his crew. They’re always copying me on things I don’t need. It’s nuts!………..Yeah, I think we should reschedule that.”
Eating while talking on the phone.
”We were trying to (chomp, chomp, chomp) get that done in time for the (indistinguishable), but I (chomp, slurp, slurp, chomp) don’t think we’ll have it. Is that a problem? (chomp, sip, crunch.)”
Browsing the Internet and not listening to the caller.
Traci: I’ve interviewed both of the employees but it seems they each have a different story. It’s so frustrating!
Joe: (silence)
Traci: Are you there?
Joe: Oh! Yes, yes I’m here. Hey, awhile ago you mentioned the problem you were having with opening that file….I just found a website about it. It says you should probably close other programs before trying to download the file.
Working on email.
Roger: I just wanted to give you a heads up about the plans.
Maria: I’ll…….be……..sure…….to…………………………………..get…… (click) those done.
Roger: Am I catching you at a bad time?
Maria: No, no that’s fine. I was just sending an email to Bill and had to attach a file. Now, run that by me again.
Doing something that requires you to talk to someone else while on the phone.
“Hi Craig! How are you? I wanted to ask you if we could use the conference room to……just a minute…..A LARGE SLAMBURGER, DIET COLA AND SUPER SIZE THE FRIES PLEASE!……Sorry, I’m getting something to eat. Anyway, I was….just minute……YES, DIET COLA. THANKS! ….anyway, I was wondering if we could use the….ohhhh, just one more minute, I’m sorry, I’m almost done with this……I DON’T NEED THE PENNIES BACK. THANK YOU!…OK, I’m done now (slurp) so, anyway, can we use the conference room?”
A communication and courtesy challenge: Challenge yourself–if it’s a challenge—to keep your hands off the keyboard, stop browsing the Internet, stop reading and sending email, stop eating, stop sounding preoccupied and only halfway paying attention, stop commenting on things apart from the phone call. Focus on the conversation, both talking and listening. It’s Communication 101. It’s also Courtesy 101.
June 13th, 2009
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Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers, Training, Technology, Blogs, A/V etc. |
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Make a habit of noticing your habits.
Behavioral and communication habits are often like tics–we do them as a spasm of movement or sound rather than on purpose. Repeated movement and vocal or sub-vocal habits are noticeable enough to others that they start focusing on those things. If you have a controllable habit that is distracting or irritating, you will do yourself and others a favor by eliminating it.
I want to be sure to emphasize that I am not referring to to tics that are neurological or psychological in origin. I’m strictly referring to habits that can be controlled–which refers to most of the habits we have, from twirling eye glasses while we talk on the phone to tapping out a rhythm with a pen, to squinting and making a weird face when we’re concentrating–and all the other habitual behaviors you can describe.
Even relatively benign words, phrases, sounds and actions become irritating after about three times in a few minutes or if it is noticeable every time you communicate. In an office setting or close work areas, repeated unnecessary behaviors and sounds can be tremendously distracting and can lead to anger and ongoing conflicts. Most of the time these can be controlled–although, as with any habit, it is not easy.
1. Purposely notice your own habitual behavior. Become aware of repeated actions. The moment you do some of the more typical habitual actions, notice it and see if you repeat it. If you do, make yourself stop. If you cannot stop on your own, you may have a medical or neurological issue that needs attention. Among those habits are repeatedly touching the face, hair or clothes, scratching, tugging on the ear lobe, nose, throat, neck, lips or hair, as well as all the vocal habits that can make others uncomfortable and frustrated with you.
2. Listen to yourself and monitor repetitious sounds, words and phrases. You should be aware enough of what you are saying to be able to notice when you are repeating something. Examples include words and phrases (like, Doh!, Awesome, OK, Ummmmmm , You know, and similar exclamations or space fillers) as well as sub-vocal sounds such as coughing, sniffing, snorting, lip smacking, nervous laughs or chuckles, or anything else that others hear you say or do repeatedly.
Here are some general guidelines to avoid habits that irritate others in a workplace (or anyplace else for that matter.)
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Keep your hands off your face, clothes and body unless it is absolutely necessary to touch, adjust or scratch something. If it’s necessary, do it then stop and don’t do it again. If it’s a real problem, leave the area and do what you have to do before you return.
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Don’t make unnecessary noises. Unless you are speaking in a purposeful way your noises, sighing, singing, humming, gum cracking or chewing or other sounds are not communicating anything positive.
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Don’t twist, wrinkle or screw up your face. Your face is what people are looking at while you talk. When you distort it or contort it habitually, you lessen your ability to communicate and leave a very unpleasant memory.
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Don’t move around without a purpose. Leg shaking, finger snapping, head movement, neck twisting and other movements are very noticeable and become nerve wracking to others very quickly.
3. Have a friend mimic you or tell you about your habits. I’ve mentioned this before and know it is difficult and not for the sensitive. However, it is one way to know what others are noticing about you. Ask a friend to help you by pointing out even the most seemingly minor habit or repetitious behavior. Your friend will probably assure you it’s not a real problem. But, if it’s noticeable enough to remember, it’s a problem.
4. Don’t make excuses for your distracting habits, just stop them. None of us like to admit that we have a distracting habit, so it is easy to try to reduce embarrassment by explaining it away to make it seem as though the other person is being hyper-critical. However, there really is no explanation the justifies being irritating, distracting or offensive to others, when it is within our power to control it–which is usually the case.
A supervisor habitually picked at the hair in his moustache. (Almost everyone with a moustache or beard habitually touches it and irritates the heck out of everyone else–which is why I don’t have one.) When his boss asked him to stop because several people at meetings had commented on how distracting it was, the supervisor said he knew it was irritating but it wasn’t really a habit. He explained that when he talked it tended to make the moustache hair get unkempt so he was smoothing it down and straightening it out. That is a pretty desperate excuse!
Even tics associated with Tourette Syndrome (TD), a neurological disorder, can often be treated with medication or self-management techniques to reduce the repetitive behaviors. If you do not have that kind of condition, you should feel grateful and resolve to show more control over the things you can control, since others may not have that good fortune.
5. Focus on positive methods and habits. If you can establish some positive habits they might help you replace the less effective ones. For example, an employee told me he had a habit of constantly humming or whistling under his breath as he walked through the office area and someone had commented on it. He replaced that with a focus on observing, smiling and talking to people or just walking silently with good posture and a professional demeanor. He said he never realized how habitual his humming or whistling had become, until he had to stop himself several times in one trek through the office!
The bottom line:When you communicate with others you are presenting yourself in a direct way. You want them to see you as positively as possible. When you are not directly communicating with others, you can still be observed and heard, and that sends a powerful message about you as well. Be purposeful about what you say and do. You will soon get over feeling self-conscious about it and you will develop more positive habits of posture, conversation, movement and expressions. Those are the kind of habits that make you a welcomed addition to any group.
March 2nd, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Assessment Centers and Interviews, Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers |
6 comments
Do you have Gold Standards for your work behavior and performance?
A few months ago, several of us celebrated Shannon Rowe McCorison’s birthday with dinner at Elway’s at the Ritz-Carlton in downtown Denver. Shannon had worked with the staff there because of a ProLogis event she had managed, and wanted to go when she and Casey could relax and enjoy the time.
The Ritz-Carlton was formerly an Embassy Suites and I wanted to see how the renovations looked. I also wanted to see if this Ritz-Carlton was living up to the Ritz-Carlton service standards that have created an unrivaled reputation among hotel chains. And, I wanted to try out the steaks at Elway’s, a John Elway owned steakhouse/restaurant. There is another one in Cherry Creek. However, since this one is in the Ritz-Carlton, the Ritz-Carlton Gold Standard applies for the dining experience. Reviews have been great for the restaurant as well as the hotel.
This isn’t a food review–although the food was excellent. The important thing to me was seeing the evidence of Ritz-Carlton service, as exemplified by:
•Damian Jenkins, General Manager (highly professional and warmly charming!)
Jens, our lead server,
Lee, another server.
Michael Casey–the outstanding sommelier, who was not present but who sent champagne for a birthday toast,
Tim, the sommelier who helped us with wine choices during the dinner,
The dozen or so helpful staff members of the hotel and the restaurant, whose names I don’t know. They opened doors, greeted us warmly, and generally made us–and the hundred or so other people who were in the entrance, lobby, gift shop and restaurant areas–feel like honored guests.
Every time I have been in a Ritz-Carlton I have been impressed. The Ritz-Carlton in downtown Denver certainly fulfilled the Gold Standards that night.
I’m going to cut and paste what the Ritz-Carlton website says about their Gold Standards, so you can have a template of sorts for creating similar standards for your personal work.
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Our Gold Standards are the foundation of the Ritz-Carlton Hotel Company, L.L.C. They encompass the values and philosophy by which we operate and include:
The Credo
The Motto
The Three Steps of Service
Service Values
The 6th Diamond
The Employee Promise
The Credo
The Ritz-Carlton Hotel is a place where the genuine care and comfort of our guests is our highest mission.
We pledge to provide the finest personal service and facilities for our guests who will always enjoy a warm, relaxed, yet refined ambience.
The Ritz-Carlton experience enlivens the senses, instills well-being, and fulfills even the unexpressed wishes and needs of our guests.
Motto
At The Ritz-Carlton Hotel Company, L.L.C., “We are Ladies and Gentlemen serving Ladies and Gentlemen.” This motto exemplifies the anticipatory service provided by all staff members.
Three Steps Of Service
- A warm and sincere greeting. Use the guest’s name.
- Anticipation and fulfillment of each guest’s needs.
- Fond farewell. Give a warm good-bye and use the guest’s name.
Service Values: I Am Proud To Be Ritz-Carlton
- I build strong relationships and create Ritz-Carlton guests for life.
- I am always responsive to the expressed and unexpressed wishes and needs of our guests.
- I am empowered to create unique, memorable and personal experiences for our guests.
- I understand my role in achieving the Key Success Factors, embracing Community Footprints and creating The Ritz-Carlton Mystique.
- I continuously seek opportunities to innovate and improve The Ritz-Carlton experience.
- I own and immediately resolve guest problems.
- I create a work environment of teamwork and lateral service so that the needs of our guests and each other are met.
- I have the opportunity to continuously learn and grow.
- I am involved in the planning of the work that affects me.
- I am proud of my professional appearance, language and behavior.
- I protect the privacy and security of our guests, my fellow employees and the company’s confidential information and assets.
- I am responsible for uncompromising levels of cleanliness and creating a safe and accident-free environment.
The 6th Diamond
Mystique
Emotional Engagement
Functional
The Employee Promise
At The Ritz-Carlton, our Ladies and Gentlemen are the most important resource in our service commitment to our guests.
By applying the principles of trust, honesty, respect, integrity and commitment, we nurture and maximize talent to the benefit of each individual and the company.
The Ritz-Carlton fosters a work environment where diversity is valued, quality of life is enhanced, individual aspirations are fulfilled, and The Ritz-Carlton Mystique is strengthened.
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Wouldn’t we be impressive if we had Gold Standards of this magnitude–and lived up to them? Consider what your credo and motto would be. What would be your steps to service? What would make you worthy of the 6th diamond in your behavior, work performance and group contributions? Make your name one of those–like the Ritz-Carlton–which says it all when someone is talking about excellence.
January 25th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Food, Fitness, Fun, Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers |
4 comments
