Tina Lewis Rowe

Tolerance Can Be Carried Too Far

Why do you put up with that??

A supervisor was telling me about an employee who was well known for lying about small issues as well as a larger ones, to the point that the employee wasn’t believed by anyone. 

I asked the supervisor if he had ever confronted the employee about it. “Nah. It makes him feel important, so we all just act like we believe him and walk away shaking our heads.” I don’t think that person’s lack of integrity and respect for others is a trivial matter to them, so this was very frustrating for me to hear.

Someone else was telling me about a coworker who is officious and bosses her and everyone else around. I asked her why she puts up with it and she said if she tried to stop it the coworker would be hurt, so she and everyone else has learned to tolerate it.  I see this a lot: They care more about her feelings than she cares about theirs.

A woman told me about the rants she endures from a coworker who has extreme and angry opinions about everything from politics to religion to social issues and street maintenance, etc., etc., ad naseam.  She said she used to be upset and distracted all day but she has learned to tolerate it so they can get along. Apparently she feels she should be the one to work at getting along, while the coworker can do anything he wants.

I don’t advocate continual confrontation about every small difference of style or opinion. But, it’s foolish and harmful for the majority of people in a workplace to “learn” to tolerate the one or two who are unpleasant or problematic. We create entitled royalty who think they can do or say anything they want–because the reality is, they can.

The next time you wonder why you have a coworker or employee who is unpleasasant or who gossips, gets angry, refuses to cooperate with someone, is disruptive or who exhibits other bad behavior, look no further for the answer than the people who put up with it–coworkers and/or bosses.

If you have sincerely tried to stop the situation and approached it the right way but have been shut down by managers or others, you have my sympathy and also my appreciation and admiration. If you have been tolerating something that continues to bother you, remember that tolerance isn’t always a good thing.  Sometimes what we call tolerance is just a lack of courage. Show some courage this week and speak up about something you shouldn’t be tolerating.  

May 27th, 2012 Posted by TLR | Challenging and Problematic People, Life and Work, Supervision and Management | 4 comments

What’s New With You?

I love to read old books and magazines–and both Popular Mechanics and Popular Science are favorites of mine. My Dad, Ernest Lewis, read them from the time he was a teenager in the 1920s and he and my mom discussed the ideas for the future that were featured every month. He often pointed out how many of the things we were using had been predicted decades earlier. The Drive-In Bank in the article above, in 1937, is one of those. (The idea is described twice as being novel–although now it seems that such a concept just makes sense.)

This article about a new idea for taking photos before all the teeth are removed and dentures are made is also described as novel.  I prefer the novel idea of finding a way to prevent the decay, disease or accidents that make dentures necessary. (My dentist commented not long ago that, thankfully, dental students nowadays are limited in opportunities for working with dentures.)

The first novel idea–a drive-in bank–takes a successful concept and improves it. The second merely makes a miserable situation a bit less terrible. It was better than before but still not a good thing. Life is sometimes like that, have you noticed?

 In the same issue is an article about a novel new game in which players guess who committed a murder and with what weapon. (I’m certain it was Professor Plum in the Library with a Rope.) That game, eventually called Clue, wasn’t patented until 1944 so it surprises me it was mentioned in a widely read magazine–unless the person patenting it got the idea from the magazine.  

Wander around your office and see what items are likely one day to be considered quaint instead of cutting edge. When new technology is purchased, take photos and scan the ads, instruction book and invoice. Develop your own record of how things have changed.  Do the same thing at home.

Someday you, your coworkers and your children will be fascinated to be reminded of the once novel items that became routine or were replaced with new, improved products. There may also be a few reminders that no matter how improved some things become, we still don’t want to be required to use them–like dentures.

May 7th, 2012 Posted by TLR | Life and Work | 5 comments