I saw this sign on the door of my nearby OfficeMax and simply had to take a photo. Wouldn’t it be nice if all jobs were posted so honestly?
NOW HIRING: Hard Worker Who Won’t Complain About Everything He/She Is Asked To Do, Three Weeks After Being Hired.
APPLICATIONS NOW BEING TAKEN: Obsequious, fawning sycophant. Other knowledge and skills only minimally necessary.
JOB OPENING: Need steady employee to take the place of the malingering, excuse-making, habitually late one we’re going to fire as soon as he gets here.
As it turns out–nothing is as ever fun as it seems–this sign was for the position of supervisor in the ImPress section (copies and printing). He or she is supposed to ensure accuracy of orders so I hope he or she corrects the spelling on the next Now Hiring sign, from Impress to ImPress.
Nevertheless, I enjoyed seeing the sign and wondered what they would do if someone showed up to say they certainly could impress a supervisor and would like to start immediately.
I once asked my group to help me develop some descriptions for a position into which someone would be transferred. I expected, “must be able to use Word proficiently” or something of that nature. Instead I received lists with descriptions like, “Must be in a good mood upon arrival, not after three cups of coffee.” “Can’t be weird acting.” “Grown up who is not in need of babysitting.” “Approximately well-balanced mentally.” “Can just do the work, please.”
Challenge yourself to think of what others–supervisors, coworkers and clients–would honestly say they want from someone in your job. Their wants may be unrealistic or incorrect for the work, but it can be a good way to consider if you can provide just a bit of it. Think how it would impress them!