Who Are The Favorites At Your Work?
President Lyndon Johnson’s comment applies to the way some managers treat employees:
“There are no favorites in my office. I treat everyone with the same general inconsideration.”
Most other managers have to work at not seeming to favor one or two employees over others. Sometimes there are no favored employees but there are employees who are definitely out of favor and that is even more of a challenge.
What makes favorites?
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Some people are just more pleasant to be around than others. These employees are often favorites with employees at all levels.
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When the employee and the manager have things in common outside of work, there is a tendency to gravitate to that employee for conversation.
- If a supervisor or manager has had a long and positive history with one or two employees there tends to be a connection and loyalty.
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Some employees have proven themselves to be more dependable, trustworthy and skillful than others, so it’s logical for the manager to seek their thoughts first.
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Some employees have ingratiated themselves to managers by being a source of information about employees or by saying what the manager wants to hear. Sometimes there are inappropriate personal relationships.
Even if every employee is equally competent and pleasant and there are no nefarious circumstances, a supervisor or manager will probably have an affinity for one or two employees over others because of shared work experiences, similar communication styles or for some other reason. (The same thing applies to coworkers.)
How is it shown? Usually it’s very obvious who the favorites are at work. Sometimes its not a cause for conflict, but carried to extreme it nearly always is. That’s why supervisors and managers need to avoid the actions that send that message:
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Frequent lunches or breaks with the favored employee and rarely with anyone else.
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More conversations, laughing and personal talk.
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Spending time together away from work.
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The favored person is often seen in the boss’s office, apparently only chatting or talking about non-work issues.
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The favored person seems to have more influence and is given rewards in assignments, working conditions or other perks.
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When the favorite makes a mistake the manager accepts excuses more easily than he or she would from others.
What is the result? The more someone is treated as a favorite and someone else is not, the more likely it is that the individuals involved will do things to reinforce the manger’s feelings. There are other negative results as well:
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It becomes a source of gossip and speculation, which detracts from the focus on work.
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Sometime the favored person is rejected by coworkers.
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Sometimes the unfavored person is pushed out even more by coworkers because they sense the weakened situation.
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The favored employee often is able to get by with things that others would not.
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If an employee feels rejected or pushed out by the manager, it can cause anger, frustration or depression. It can create stress and lead to many emotional, health and work problems. Any existing problems will probably get worse.
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It weakens the reputation and leadership of the manager or supervisor to be seen as playing favorites.
How can a manager or supervisor avoid the appearance of favoritism?
- Be purposeful about communications at work. Ensure that you have a mix of conversations with everyone. Don’t make it all fun with one employee and all unpleasant work topics with another.
- Rotate through all employees for going to coffee or lunch or taking them along to meetings. Go with two employees at a time if you can’t bring yourself to spend half an hour alone with Greg the Griper.
- Watch the non-verbal communication. If you smile at Laura every time you see her, but keep walking when you see Karen, it will be noticed. If you defer to Bob in meetings but usually read your notes when Bill is talking, that will be noticed too.
- Ask for another opinion when making decisions that you know might appear to be for a favored employee or long-time friend or against a non-favored person. Seeking another opinion is a documentable action that can be very helpful if there are questions about your decision.
The bottom line: Every workplace is different, so what indicates favoritism in one may not be the same as in another. How to avoid it and fix it may vary as well. The point is to not let your bias toward or against any employee or group of employees be obvious.
You may not feel the same way about all employees; you may have very good reasons for having more positive feelings about one than another; you may not be able to conceal your personal preferences completely. But, it’s wrong and harmful to the workplace to give the impression that you have your own personal caste sytem.
March 25th, 2011
Posted by
TLR |
Challenging and Problematic People, Life and Work, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers, Supervision and Management |
5 comments
No, it’s not Administrative Professionals Day (that is on April 27th in 2011). But, the work of an “admin” goes on…and on…and on, every day. I’m not suggesting you run out today and buy flowers, a plant, or take the AA in your office to lunch–although those are good ideas. Instead, I’m suggesting that everyone who works in a workplace with AAs, secretaries, clerks or other administrative functions, should be aware of the quantity of work being done, sensitive to the hassles, frustrations and irritations that are often part of that work, and should take overt action to include administrative specialists as a respected part of the team.
Times have certainly changed since this supposedly genuine advertisement, which appears to be from the early 1960s. (I don’t usually trust these unless I have taken them from the magazine myself, but this one seems to be real. If you have information about it, let me know. I can verify that it reflects some of the thinking of the era.) For many employees (usually females) the general philosophy still continues, along with a much lower salary than for those who rely on them for a wide range of work. Those AAs don’t need patronizing sympathy or to be told they’re Wonder Woman. Nor do they need new titles (Managing Associate of Administrative Technology). What would mean more to them is a salary that reflects the importance of their roles and respectful treatment by coworkers at all levels.
It Works Both Ways
It is also true that there are some administrative assistants who seem to have taken on the authority of their bosses and reflect it poorly. So, if they work for someone who has the organizational clout to give orders, they do as well, only in disruptive or unhelpful ways. Most of us know someone in an AA role who is avoided and tip-toed around even though she’s unpleasant, because she works for someone high up. That’s as wrong as going to the other extreme and should be handled as we would any habitually discourteous behavior. (Just be sure you’re equally quick to halt the behavior of those who are discourteous to the AA.)
Administrative Staff Are Part Of The Team
*Show some sensitivity and empathy about how and when you ask for assistance or assign work. The fact that you’ve procrastinated isn’t a reason for the AA to stay late or miss a break or lunch.
*It’s irritating and offensive to repeatedly toss something on someones desk as you breeze out the door for an early and long lunch time or when you’re going home early but they have to stay to keep the office open. Think about timing and tone of voice as well as your overall demeanor when you require assistance.
*Don’t let anyone be rude to coworkers who don’t have the same organizational standing as they do. Most AAs tend to feel they can’t speak up or push back, no matter how rude someone is to them. Those that do can be labeled as difficult to deal with. (See It Works Both Ways, above.) Don’t just sympathize about it, say something if you have the status to do so or at least encourage the AA to talk to her own manager about it–or talk to him or her yourself.
*Be respectful about what is expected of AAs in your office, especially when other employees could just as well be doing the work. For example, not all administrative staff members want to put up holiday decorations. That’s almost certainly not part of a job description and not the best use of time. In some offices AAs are expected to get all of their work done while still preparing birthday parties, promotion ceremonies and similar functions, without any significant assistance. You be the one who assists or gets others to help you. Better yet, do it all without the AA for a change and let her enjoy the function.
*Avoid the 1960-and-before-approach that the AA’s job is to make the life of others easy, especially about manual labor, domestic type activities or unpleasant chores. For example, a middle-manager purposely took time off while his office was being re-carpeted and repainted and left the AA a long list of instructions for taking everything down and moving it out, then having it all put back exactly right when he returned. Because of the painter’s schedules the AA had to get child care and come in on the weekend to make it perfect before the manager walked in the door on Monday morning. I realize that task could be considered part of her work, but doggone it, that’s just not right!
*When the administrative employee is likely to have insight about various aspect of work, include her or him in your conversations about it. At least ask and listen. Often administrative people have a much bigger picture than others, because they see it from a variety of perspectives.
The bottom line is to think about your administrative team as an integral part of the larger team. Think of individuals as strong contributors in many ways that can benefit effectiveness. Don’t diminish that by reducing their status, even inadvertently and even now and then.
Nice idea, but horrible poetry!
March 19th, 2011
Posted by
TLR |
Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers, Supervision and Management |
11 comments
To Improve Your Credibility, 
Cite Your References
•Most serious conversations are peppered with opinions, ideas and general thoughts, but rarely with verbal footnotes.
•Most casual conversations are about interests and activities but rarely include even a hint about how the participants learn anything new–if they do.
•At work, we are often quick to say how things should be done or done differently, but we don’t cite anything to support our suggestions.
•We start on a new project or are given a new assignment and anyone hearing us talk about it would assume we are learning by doing, not by studying or researching.
•We’re interviewed for a job, promotion or in-house assignment change and we answer questions without referring to the training, reading, researching or self-initiated experience we used as a basis for our responses. So, for all the interviewers know, we just pulled the answers out of our hats–or elsewhere.
Let Others Know How You Know What You Know
All of those situations are reasons why we should keep ourselves informed, aware and knowledgeable–and let others know about our efforts when it’s appropriate to do so. You don’t have to drop book titles and college classes in every conversation, but you certainly can let people know, now and then, that you keep yourself informed. Let them know you are continually expanding your perspectives. At the very least, introduce some new topics into your conversations.
Some ideas:
“I just started (or finished or are reading) a really interesting book about ____ .”
“I’ve talked to four or five other supervisors to help me figure out the best way to deal with this.”
“I wanted to refresh my thinking on this subject and I saw they were going to do a show about it on TV, so I watched it.”
“I had been hearing about _______and I did some Internet research on it. It was a lot of new information for me.”
“We were taught that technique in training a few months ago so I tried it and it worked!”
“I know that ________suggests handling this in a different way, but I’ve given it a lot of thought and read as much as I could on it, and I think we should ____.”
“Over the years I’ve watched how supervisors like ___, ____ and____ have handled conflicts. I’ve developed responses that I think combines the best of all them.”
Those kind of attributions and acknowledgements may not present you as the genius who thought of everything yourself, but they let people know you are aware of the need to keep learning and to apply what you’ve learned. That’s even better!
March 13th, 2011
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TLR |
Assessment Centers and Interviews, Personal and Professional Development, Training, Technology, Blogs, A/V etc. |
6 comments
You can’t knit people to fit your wants, needs and plans for them–but you don’t have to accept socks that don’t fit well or that make you miserable, either.
This could be about accepting people, identifying the challenges of similarities and differences between us and them or just about the fact that we’re all a mixed bag. We aren’t what we want to be most of the time and we wouldn’t know how to make the perfect person for us–at work, as a supervisor or manager, in personal relationships or business contacts–even if we had the raw components and were given Cosmic power to do it. We think we do, but we probably don’t.
Given that fact, we have to accept the other facts: No one is the right kind of person for us all the time. No one says, does and responds the best way all the time. Even the best people can disappoint you and even the worst people can positively surprise you. The key to surviving and thriving is to know when to accept, when to shrug off, when to forgive, when to adamantly complain, when to re-train, when to warn of consequences, when to sanction formally and when to exit them or exit yourself.
One thing is for sure: Although we can insist upon some changes and make them happen if we have enough authority or influence (come to work on time, don’t gossip about coworkers, get your work done in a one day turn-around, don’t use that language, don’t treat me in that way again, flush, etc.), only the individual can change his or her mind and basic character and approach to life–and often that is not very successful.
If you want to know how difficult it will be for you to change someone, try changing yourself. If you want to know how difficult it will be for the other guy to change himself or learn new habits, try changing yourself or learning new habits. Translate your fifteen pound weight gain over a lifetime–the one you can’t seem to get rid of now because you eat too much and don’t exercise enough–into some of the habits and behaviors of the employee who doesn’t get work done on time or does poor quality work, creates conflicts in the office or gets repeated complaints from customers. Do you think he or she will change unless the penalities are so great there is no choice?
Decide
Decision times are tough. But once you’ve made the decision, keeping at it is all it takes. In my classes about working with challenging employees I often have each participant talk to their desk partners about the most challenging employee with which they are dealing. They are supposed to end that conversation by saying, “Here is what I am doing about it when I get back to work.” Invariably some participants laugh through that part as though they know it’s impossible and it’s a joke to even consider it. It becomes obvious that one or two want tips and techniques that don’t require them to do anything overt about the employee’s behavior or performance. Sadly, they will require everyone else to put up with a problem employee in order to avoid the discomfort of doing something about it. So, who is the biggest challenge in that situation?
The bottom line: Ask for changes when you can. Insist upon them when it is possible. If you are a coworker, document your complaints, go to the right person about them and ask for an investigation with the goal of change; if you are a supervisor provide assistance, encourage and support, correct and encourage again. But, if those things aren’t at least starting to work after a reasonable amount of time for the situation (sometimes that’s a brief amount of time, sometimes a longer amount) you will need to do something that might make the other person uncomfortable, resentful or very angry. You may have to unravel his life and work, to use the sock analogy, to get the change that is required. That is when it’s time for the Davy Crockett advice: Be sure you’re right, then go ahead.
March 6th, 2011
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TLR |
Challenging and Problematic People, Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development, Supervision and Management |
9 comments
If you succeed in life, you must do it in spite of the efforts of others to pull you down. There is no truth to the idea that people are willing to help those who help themselves. Only God is willing to do that. People are willing to help a man who can’t help himself, but as soon as a man is able to help himself, and does it, they join in making his life as uncomfortable as possible.
Edgar Watson Howe, 19th century writer
Edgar Howe’s cynical comment may be a bit excessive, but he may have been writing about personal experiences. If you’ve ever felt unfairly attacked, you can relate. If you’ve ever purposely tried to pull somebody down, maybe thinking about how it presents you to others will make you stop when you’re tempted to do it again.
Do you stab people in the back at work?
The one thing no one will admit to being is a back stabber. Probably most people don’t intend to be. Nevertheless, there is something in the human nature that is irked by the successes of those we don’t much care for–even the successes of those we do care for, if we consider them competition. We often show it by saying something to diminish the accomplishment or the character of the person involved. Or, we say something untrue or exaggerated to reduce someone’s influence or to create ill will on the part of others.
Honorable Statements Instead of Stabbing
Watch for that in your conversations and actions. If you’re expressing an honest critique and you have examples to back it up, say it if it needs to be said. If possible, make sure the person you’re talking about knows how you feel. If you’ve been asked for the truth and the issue is important, give your opinion and why you feel that way, then point out the perspectives others might have.
Otherwise, let your friends as well as those who aren’t friends be successful. Let others find out the truth about them–or not find out. Whatever you do, don’t say nice things to someone’s face then viciously stab them in the back when they turn around. Loyalty to friends and integrity about enemies are crucial for ethical behavior.
You may not be so saintly that you will push the agenda of someone who has treated you badly. However, you can refrain from creating problems for them, resisting their every effort and finding fault in all they do, just because they are the ones doing it. You may not be able to bring yourself to pat them on the back but you can refrain from stabbing them in it.
March 2nd, 2011
Posted by
TLR |
Keeping On!, Life and Work |
5 comments
