The Untrue Story About The Troll In The Closet
In the last few months I have heard various versions of the “troll in the closet” story. You know the one–a mentally challenged youngster, or a mentally challenged adult, or an Irishman, or a drunk or a senile person or a blonde, whatever–calls a family member or the police or a friend and says, “I have a troll locked in the closet, come home right away!” The person receiving the call says, yeah sure and doesn’t go home. But the calls continue (usually three is about the number for these stories). Finally the person goes home and is taken to the closet, which has a chair and a dresser pushed up against it and sounds of someone kicking the door and cursing. When the door is opened, out comes a very irate midget census taker or small person of some foreign descent or midget Irishman or short someone else, according to whoever is going to be used as the punchline of the story.
I’ve heard it told as the honest-to-goodness truth by at least a dozen people. I’ve read it in emails sent to me as purportedly being truthful. A friend (who knows I’m writing this) sent it to me because she thought I would be able to use it in training. She reported it to me as happening to her sister-in-law who told her the story as true one about a coworker and her son.
Today I received my online newsletter from Cooks Illustrated, a magazine I love. I also enjoy the way the editor, Christopher Kimball, writes. I have always looked foward to reading his comments. In this recent newsletter he wrote about a man in a nearby town in Vermont who is nice enough but is known to be a heavy drinker. The guy locked what he thought was a troll in the closet–but it turned out to be a midget census taker.
Mr. Kimball started the story with, “here is a recent story that sounds completely made up.” But then he goes through the whole story and ends with, “no word yet on the impending lawsuit.” I’m sure he knew it wasn’t true, so that isn’t my frustration with it. It’s that he wrote about something in a way that will probably be quoted as true by someone–and it isn’t even funny.
Very Few People Want To Receive Non-Personal, Forwarded Messages
When I speak at conferences or in classes about foolish, time-wasting or irritating emails people nod their heads in support and often applaud. I think it’s safe to say that the majority of people do not want to receive jokes, amazing stories, virus warnings, free money stories, health and safety warnings that only are publicized in forwarded emails, political or religious editorials or anything else that isn’t a personal message. (I’m not talking about personal messages in which someone includes photos or an interesting news story. I’m referring to group mailings without any personalization. )
However, most people don’t want to hurt the feelings of the sender, whether they know them well or not. The sender never realizes that when his or her name pops up on an email with FW: in the subject line, the recipient sighs, hits delete and loses a bit more respect for the sender.
The Direct Way To Tell Someone To Stop Sending Impersonal Emails
If you’ve been hitting delete, do yourself a favor and simply write back with a short, friendly message:
Hi Marie, how are you doing? Hope the Spring weather is bringing a lot of nice flowers your way! I got your email with the story about the troll and smiled at the old Urban Legend that seems to make the rounds often. Could you please do me a favor though and take my name off your general email list? I love to get personal messages from you and will always respond right away, but am trying to clear my name from non-personal lists–you know how it goes with so many of those. Thanks very much, I appreciate it! Take care and enjoy this great weather–and keep in touch. I’ll do the same! Tina
An Indirect Way To Tell Someone To Stop Sending You Impersonal Emails
If you don’t want to be so obvious try this (which is less direct than I like, but might be better for some): Wait a few days after receiving a junk email message and send the problem person an email like this one:
Hello Marie! I’ve copied and pasted an email I’m sending to almost everyone on my email list. I am hoping it will stop or appreciably cut down on the number of forwarded messages and other non-personal items I get in my email every day. I wanted to send you a note though to be sure you knew I am always happy to get a personal note from you and will respond right away. It’s only the forwarded messages, warnings, poems and political messages I want to cut out of my mail.
Here is what I’m sending to others:
Hello Friends and Colleagues! I hope you all know how much I value your friendship and how much I enjoy getting personal messages from all of you. So, please keep me on your personal mailing list. However, I’m asking that everyone take me off group mailing lists for forwarded messages or non-personal miscellaneous items. You know how those can fill your mailbox after awhile! I’ll appreciate your thoughtfulness about it as it will really help me. Thank you very much!
I still prefer the more direct way, but I can understand that some of these situations are touchy–especially if they’ve been going on for a long time. Keep this in mind: You’re not being unreasonable and you’re not being rude. You’re just asking for some consideration from a friend. Try it and let me know what happens.
April 29th, 2010
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Training, Technology, Blogs, A/V etc. |
11 comments
Earth Day was April 22nd. I think our home planet, Earth, is a good thing to honor–especially compared to some of the other things we remember or commemorate. In my replica edition of the first Encyclopedia Britannica, published in 1771, it states a scientific fact about Earth and the Universe, in an interesting way:
“Astronomy discovers to us such an inconceivable number of suns, systems and worlds, dispersed though boundless space, that if our sun, with all the planets, moons and comets belonging to it, were annihilated, they would be no more missed by an eye that could take in the whole creation than a grain of sand from the seashore. The space they possess being comparatively so small that it would scarce be a sensible blank in the universe.”
You can see an interesting, short animation about where Earth fits into the solar system and where the solar sytem fits into the Milky Way galaxy and where that galaxy fits into the Universe, here.
Another fact: On Earth there are over six billion people and two million identified species of life (with probably another twenty million species not yet identified.) So, you are on a planet with billions of living things—among them six billion people. Our planet is a dot in our solar system, which is a dot in our galaxy, which is less than a dot in the universe.
An experiment: Think about your life and the people you love. Think about the best things that have happened to you and smile as you remember some of those things. If you could make a video of you in space and time you would see this: Infinite Universe, zooming closer to show billions of galaxies, zooming closer to show the Milky Way, zooming into our solar system, zooming to the surface of Earth, zooming to your country, then your state, then your city, then your part of the city, then your location, then to you as you smile and think about the people and events that mean the most to you.
In all of the Universe, your life is important and you matter–not only for your own sake but because of what you can bring to the lives of others on this dot in the Cosmos. When you celebrate Earth you celebrate you, too.
April 23rd, 2010
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work |
7 comments
Unless a job involves producing widgets on a conveyor belt or is considered successful based solely on numbers, supervisors and managers have to go past how many tasks someone is doing, if they want to evaluate work accurately. Only by being aware of the true nature of the work being done can employees be fairly and accurately evaluated and commended, coached for improvement or corrected.
Quantity is not the only measurement of effort or value. Managers who are not fully aware of the complexity of the work being done by employees or not aware of their work habits, can be taken-in by flat comparisons. For example, at a staff meeting Kevin says he is “hammered with work” and has twenty-five project files, five of which are due tomorrow. He says they have been a hassle from day one and he may have to work late to finish them on time. Lynn reports on her four projects that are going smoothly and will be finished ahead of time. She is smiling and chats later about taking the next day off to have a long weekend. Who has the most work and who deserves the most positive recognition?
The only way for a supervisor or manager to respond accurately is to know the nature of the projects, the work habits of the employees and any other facts that are pertinent to the work. There are several explanations for disparity in the reports by Kevin and Lynn.
- Lynn dumped some of her work onto Kevin who, being a martyr, let it happen.
- They both had the same amount of work several weeks ago, but Kevin procrastinated on his and let the projects pile up. Lynn has worked effectively all along and has kept her work current.
- Kevin has more tasks, but they are dinky little projects that should take him less than a half hour each to do, while Lynn is working on four very complex projects that involve many crucial details, plans, reports, meetings and outcomes.
- Kevin exaggerates to make himself seem overworked. Lynn exaggerates to make herself seem serenely efficient.
- Work that didn’t seem complex when it was assigned to Kevin has had unexpected setbacks, through no fault of his, while Lynn’s work turned out to be much less time consuming than expected.
- There has been a disparity in assigning work and Kevin is slowly burning out while Lynn is having a good time.
- Kevin is not very competent at his work and makes it seem difficult but Lynn is highly competent and makes it seem easy.
There are probably other options, but those are the main ones. (If you were going to suggest that Lynn has a relationship with the manager, I’m ignoring you!) The issue for the supervisor or manager is this: Kevin and Lynn may both be working effectively and efficiently, neither may be, or one may be but not the other. That is why it is so crucial that those ultimately responsible for work are continually aware of what is being done and how effectively it is being accomplished. Sadly, that sometimes doesn’t happen unless there is an hourly report on widget production being delivered to the boss–and your work isn’t like that.
If you are a manager or supervisor: Consider your work area or your assignment, shift, sector, unit or group and ask yourself:
- How much work is each employee dealing with now and how much in the last month? Six months? Year?
- What has been the complexity of the work, the significance of it, the number of details involved?
- What has been the general habit of each employee about completing it? Is it often late, always on time, often in need of correction, always exemplary?
- Are there some employees who are not only doing work you can tabulate but who volunteer to do other things that need to be done? Are there some who never do the tasks that add value to the organization?
- Are you evaluating contributions accurately and responding to work needs fairly? Is there a squeaky wheel who gets an inequitable amount of your time? Are there some who rarely communicate but who might appreciate your interest and conversation?
- Is the lengthy task list of some the result of poor decisions or time management on their part?
- Are some working on much more complex issues than others? Is that being acknowledged and evaluated appropriately?
- Does someone deserve to be commended for the one big task he or she accomplished recently while another should be corrected for failing to do many small tasks in a timely manner? Or vice versa?
- Does work need to be realigned or would it be unfair to require an efficient worker to do more work to relieve an inefficient one?
- Is work going fine, but the individuals involved just have different ways of talking about it? Would you prefer they find other ways to talk about it?
Make it your priority to know everything there is to know about the work of your group–then to respond appropriately. You not only will help the individuals involved, you will build the team and establish yourself as a manager or supervisor who knows what is going on–a rarity in many workplaces!
If you are an employee who is frustrated by what seems to be an inequity about work: Before you assume that is the case, based solely on the number of tasks you have, compared to someone else, consider the other issues that might be involved. Are you sure there is a problem that needs to be remedied? Or, could there be some other explanation?
If you genuinely think you are trying to do more than you can reasonably be expected to accomplish and there are others who could help, develop your reasoning and ask your supervisor or manager for assistance. At least maybe you can negotiate some extra time for a few things. Or, you may find he or she simply wasn’t fully aware of the situation. If your manager doesn’t agree with your assessment, try to see the other perspective. Save your documentation, keep working and try again in a week or two or more, when you have done as much as you can do during that time.
The bottom line: When work is being discussed, don’t let overworked be confused with inefficient, ineffective or exaggerated. Don’t confuse quantity of tasks with complexity or significance. If you are responsible for the work of others, make sure work is correctly and fairly distributed, that you know how it is being done, that you intervene when needed to ensure it is done correctly and on time, and that you stay part of it until it is completed successfully.
April 17th, 2010
Posted by
TLR |
Supervision and Management |
7 comments
Have you ever needed to talk to someone
about a hygiene issue?
You’ll notice I didn’t ask if you had ever talked to someone about a hygiene issue–just if you have needed to. Most of the time supervisors, managers, coworkers, friends and family members only think about how unpleasant or embarrassing that person is to be around. Some of the most frequent questions on the Ask The Workplace Doctors website, to which I contribute, are about such situations–which often have been going on for years, even decades!
Not all personal odors or grooming issues are easily remedied by the person who has them. However, it is still the responsibility of the person most directly responsible for an employee’s work to talk to the employee and to document that conversation in case it gets solved now but occurs again.
Make sure you are being appropriate. Talk to the person above you in the organization, or to HR or others who can advise you about what is appropriate to discuss and what is not–and how to best talk about the subject. A supervisor lamented to me that he got in trouble for telling an employee, “You smell like *************!” I hope you wouldn’t consider anything that inappropriate! It’s possible to talk to an employee and get a commitment to make an improvement, without being crude, rude or inappropriate in any other way.
What is the link to work? The answer to that question can provide you with a reason to talk directly and immediately to an employee who is not pleasant to be around for a personal reason. That can give you an opening statement and help you get over your awkwardness about telling someone they must improve in that area.
*Could it make coworkers less likely to want to work closely with him or her?
*Could it represent the organization poorly to others?
*Could it reduce effectiveness with clients or customers?
*Is there something in the employee manual about appearance or hygiene?
*Could it be an indicator of a health or emotional problem that could become more serious?
*Could it distract people from their focus on work?
*Could it harm the effectiveness and professional development of the employee?
Any of those issues are reason enough for a supervisor or manager to intervene about hygiene problems. In addition to the more obvious ones are too much perfume (even strong smelling deodorant), tobacco smells, greasy smells and stains, foot odor, chewing tobacco residue on teeth and stale coffee breath.
Use the One Minute Manager concept: The book by Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson as been around since the 1980s, but it still offers a great approach, especially for awkward communication scenarios. The characteristics of a brief correction or re-direction (or other action) are: Immediate, Specific and Brief. It’s sort of like Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover–just do it.
Instead of being immediate, specific and brief, supervisors tend to talk all around the subject or try to minimize the problem to save the feelings of the employees. As a result they often cause hurt or hard feelings and still don’t get the situation changed—and a changed situation is the requirement for effectiveness.
If you supervise someone who needs to improve his or her hygiene, appearance or overall personal presentation, fulfill your responsibilty about it. If you are a coworker or family member, help the person avoid public embarrassment by talking to them directly and in a friendly way. Talking about such things doesn’t require a judgmental tone or an embarrassed, nervous, hesitant approach. Say what you have smelled or noticed. Take the initial approach that you are sure they will want to do something right away to fix the situation.
Expect some disagreement but get a commitment.A natural reflex when we are criticised or corrected is to be defensive and to respond hastily–sometimes angrily–to avoid embarrassment. Expect that and don’t let it bother you or stop you. You have the responsibility and the authority to ask for appropriate changes, so do it without lengthy justifications and arguments.
Most of the time, even if an employee doesn’t agree there is a problem, he or she will agree to do something to change the situation. If that doesn’t happen, spend a few more minutes to insist upon it in a firm but friendly manner.
The bottom line: We live in a culture where body and breath odor, uncleanliness or unsightly hygiene issues are not acceptable. Usually they can be corrected fairly easily–but often a supervisor, manager, coworker or friend has to bring it to the attention of the person involved. If you have that responsibility or that opportunity, do it the right way but do it.
April 11th, 2010
Posted by
TLR |
Challenging and Problematic People, Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development, Supervision and Management |
6 comments
“You two work it out” is almost never an effective way to handle contentious situations between employees. It can create even more problems for several reasons:
*It is unlikely that employees will have the skill, the will, or the capability to improve the situation. If they have the ability to resolve a serious problem they probably would have had the ability to avoid it in the first place.
*If there is clearly an aggressor that person will not see a need to change and the other person may not feel able to communicate directly about it.
*If an effort is made by one or both employees, but it doesn’t change the situation, the employees may feel justified in negative responses.
*The “solution” decided upon by employees may not be in the best interests of everyone involved or the overall work group or organization.
*A hands-off approach by a manager can leave an employee vulnerable to increased hostility and an escalation of the problem.
*In every case the manager or supervisor fails to fulfill an essential role: To develop and maintain a work place in which everyone can stay focused on work.
How to know there is a need for supervisory or managerial intervention:
- You have observed or heard about an ongoing conflict between employees. (More than one or two incidents or only one incident that created a work disruption for the employees or others.)
- Someone has hinted to you about it. If it matters enough to mention it to you, it matters enough for you to do something.
The bottom line: When there is a conflict, disagreement or a situation that is often frustrating or upsetting to employees or that stops or hurts work for anyone because of issues about it, it is time for a manager or supervisor to find out more and say or do something directly. The employees can be involved in the process but they should not be left to do it alone.
One thing is certain: There has been a management failure when employees start accepting a breakdown in civility, cooperation or effectiveness as normal for work or something they have to learn to work around or through on an ongoing basis.
A large part of a supervisor’s job–and certainly the task of a leader–is to identify problems and work with and through others to help solve them. Situations that keep employees from working well together are problems that require direct involvement by a supervisor. The task cannot effectively be delegated to employees–especially not to the employees involved.
April 5th, 2010
Posted by
TLR |
Challenging and Problematic People, Life and Work, Supervision and Management |
6 comments
