The signs are obvious: A coworker or someone you supervise is unhappy with something you’ve done or said. You may have been in the wrong–or not–but this reaction of pouting, sulking, or giving you the evil eye is certainly irritating. Other indicators that he or she is teaching you a lesson: She won’t make eye contact unless forced to; he gets quiet when you walk into the area; she answers questions as briefly as possible; he seems withdrawn in general and the communication level has dropped way off.
What do you want to accomplish? Most of us just want to get over the rough spot and move on. But, you should also work to be an example or a model of how such things should be handled. Which means you can’t add to it with gossip, sarcasm or being even more rude back. (You also shouldn’t whine, beg or give in inappropriately just to restore peace.)
If the problem was caused by misunderstandings that need to be clarified or a situation that needs to be fixed not just moved past, you will need to work toward those improvements as well. The focus of this short article is primarily on less complex situations–the temporary frustrations and irritations of work.
1. Communicate normally with the employee–neither more than usual or less. Most well-adjusted people don’t enjoy sulking, so give them a chance to get back to normal. If you are still focused on work, they will regain their focus as well. Ask for assistance as you normally would. Discuss mutual concerns. Almost always after a few days, things will improve. Just don’t lose track of what caused it in the first place. If you contributed to it, don’t do that thing again!
2. Give the situation a few days to improve. If it hasn’t, approach the employee directly, with a concerned tone not an exasperated one.
”Jan, since Tuesday, you’ve acted different than usual–not talking, not making eye contact, not responding when I talk to you. What’s going on?”
You may want to say that but be even more direct: “Are you angry about my remark during the meeting? I said that because I meant it and I still do, but I don’t see why we can’t work together in spite of our different opinions. I hate it when things are so awkward that we can’t even talk.”
Or, “Jan, I may not have fully apologized for what I said in the meeting. I meant to be funny but I could see it wasn’t taken that way. I hope you’ll forgive me and we can move past it.”
One approach is to act as though you don’t realize it has anything to do with you at all. I only mention this because I know it can work (even though it is more manipulative than I usually would suggest.) “Jan, you’ve acted a little down the last couple of days and that’s not like you. I heard you coughing awhile ago. Are you feeling OK?”
Very often the other person will grab at that reason for their actions. And who knows, maybe it’s true!
3. Be willing to listen–and probably listen more than talk.Someone who would treat you to a sulky spell is probably not as professionally skilled at handling conflict as you are–or as you should be. Focus your talking on moving forward with work, not on a rehash of the thing that started it all–unless you truly do need to apologize for something or clarify an issue or get a commitment to ensure the problem doesn’t happen again.
4. Recognize when your efforts aren’t being successful. This is the tricky part in some situations! If you are a supervisor or manager you shouldn’t allow an employee to be rude or to refuse to talk to you about resolving a conflict. At the point the employee is not communicating but only being angry, you should draw the conversation to a close and say you will talk to them again later. Go to your own manager or to HR or other resources to discuss the matter.
If it is a coworker who is not wanting to resolve the conflict and only wanting to argue more, bring the conversation to a close by saying you’re sorry the two of you can’t find common ground about work, but you hope soon the employee will be able to feel better about it. Walk away and give it another day. After that, talk to your supervisor about it and get some advice.
5. Once it’s over, let it be over. Whether you talk to the coworker or employee or the situation fades on its own–or you have to get assistance that forces the employee to behave appropriately–you be the one who never falters in professionalism and mature behavior. It’s over, move on. (I imagine you will have learned some lessons from the situation, either about your own conduct or about the conduct of others.)
Keep your goal in mind: To get back to work and, if it’s possible, get back to a comfortable relationship. Live your life at work in such a way that when situations like these emerge no one thinks of you as the cause, because they know you are above petty behavior.
January 31st, 2010
Posted by
TLR |
Challenging and Problematic People, Life and Work, Supervision and Management |
10 comments
Take A Guest To Meetings
If you participate in committees, groups, clubs or activities or attend organizational meetings that are appropriate and not confidential, consider inviting an employee or coworker along now and then–there can be many benefits for both of you.
*Employees and coworkers can expand their views of the organization and your role in it.
*It gives you and the employee or coworker an opportunity to communicate about general issues as well as the issues involved in the meeting or committee.
*It allows the employee or coworker to meet people within and outside your organization and to build a network for his or her professional development.
*It allows you the chance to observe the employee or coworker in another setting, and to discover strengths or developmental needs you might not know otherwise. (And they can observe you, too!)
*It lets employees and coworkers see what you do when you’re out of the office. Nearly always they find out you are not spending the time just having fun!
Lookout For Pitfalls
1. Don’t play favorites. Try to rotate through the list of potentials unless there are events or meetings that would only be appropriate for one or a few people. You might be surprised at the topics in which an employee would be interested.
2. Use social graces at the meeting. Arrive early so you can introduce your guest. Especially introduce him or her to the chairman of the committee or to key participants. It makes everyone feel more valued. Provide the employee or coworker with handout copies and make sure he or she can follow the action (or inaction!) or the meeting.
3. Discuss the role of your guest ahead of time. That is especially important if he or she will be lower in rank or organizational status than others. If he or she will sit in an observer area while you must sit at a table, make that clear in a courteous way. If you want the employee to feel comfortable speaking up during discussions, let him or her know that as well.
If your guest is someone you supervise, do not have them take notes for you, get coffee for you or anything else that seems menial and not part of a professional role. (At a specific group of meetings I used to attend, the people who were there with the executives were referred to as “horse holders”. As in, “We’ll have a seat or two for any horse holders you bring.” I thought it sounded obnoxious and said so. No one else seemed to think anything of it, including the horse holders!
4. Don’t gripe and complain. You don’t have to lie or be insincere if you genuinely hate attending or if you have a deep conflict with another participant. However, if you feel that negative, maybe you should attend and suffer alone.
5. Be aware that your guest will be keenly aware of everything you say and do. You’ll be forced to be on your best behavior. (That’s another advantage to having them there!) Be an example of how a productive meeting participant should talk and act.
6. Use the time after the meeting. Take a few minutes afterwards to get a cup of coffee or have lunch, if time is available. Go somewhere inexpensive and pay for it–or not–but at least use the time to relax and get to know the employee or coworker better. Don’t use it as a time to gossip or for trying to get the employee on your side or impressing him or her with your accomplishments.
7. Follow up. Let the employee or coworker know meeting results or keep them informed about something in which they would be interested. Let them know that you might be available to attend a meeting they are attending sometime. It would be good for you to expand your thinking as well.
The bottom line: You can only gain positive influence if you show through your actions that you are credible, dependable and valuable to those with whom you work. You must also communicate effectively–preferably face to face. You can help to gain all of thsoe characteristics by including others when you attend meetings or gatherings, participate on committees, and take part in other activities related to work.
Look at your calendar for the next few months and find meetings and events to which you can invite an employee or coworker. While you are deciding who to ask, consider this thought by the writer, Nathaniel Hawthorne.
It contributes greatly towards a man’s moral and intellectual health, to be brought into habits of companionship with individuals unlike himself, who care little for his pursuits, and whose sphere and abilities he must go out of himself to appreciate.“
January 24th, 2010
Posted by
TLR |
Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers, Supervision and Management |
8 comments
Keeping my promise!
Last year I said I would make a point of reminding people to tidy their work areas now and then. Many people commented that it would help them to be goaded a bit about cleaning up their desks, cubicles and offices. So, I’ve decided to follow through on that half-joking promise.
Limit your time for this. It shouldn’t be a leisurely, all morning task that everyone sees you doing, as though you have nothing else to do. Sprint through it and get it done quickly.
1. Pick up and remove stuff and things: Get a box, box lid or big envelope and collect everything in your work area that could be redistributed. The most common items that junk up desk tops and drawers:
*Extra pads of sticky notes (you don’t need more than one or two.); Extra legal pads; Extra everything else you have grabbed from the supply area because it was there. For example, do you need five hundred paper clips? Could you get by with a hundred or less in a smaller container tucked in a drawer? Do you use them at all?
*Items you borrowed and didn’t return.
*Books and magazines that should be on shelves, tossed or given to others.
2. Do something purposeful with paper. Pick up every piece of paper and decide it if you must save it or if it can be thrown away. If you think you must save it, find a place for it right now. Don’t put it back on your desk with the idea that you’ll do something with it later. (The one exception: If you think you will have many things to scan or file you can put those in an envelope for handing in a batch.)
3. Wash off don’t just dust off. Remove everything that is left and wash off your desk top and all the solid items on it. Consider keeping a container of antibacterial wipes for this purpose, so you don’t have to get a cloth and go to a sink.
4. Wipe off electronic items. Wipe off your computer, especially the part that visitors see (often the back or sides of the monitor). Wipe off other technological items–Phone, printer, etc.
5. Tidy up. Straighten up things on shelves and wipe off objects you display there. Do you still want those items on display? At least once every couple of months (more often if needed) wipe off the tops of books. If you really want a nice looking area, use furniture spray or cloths to polish and shine even laminated surfaces. Smells good too!
6. Remove posted items. Take a look at everything you have posted or stuck to walls or magnetic boards and remove outdated or unnecessary things. Does that motivational quote still catch your attention often or have you stopped seeing it mentally? Is that faded reminder still needed or do you have the procedure memorized now?
7. Clean everything else that is left, even if it looks basically OK. There is bound to be dust on items and the extra cleaning will make things look and smell fresh.
8. Stand at the edge of your work space and look at it with the eyes of a visitor. Does it look as though you could do good quality work? Does anything look out of place, inappropriate or discordant with your work and the professional image you want to portray?
9. Put supplies away. Put away your clean-up items and, if possible, empty the trash can into a larger one away from your area–or at least put the plastic liner bag where it isn’t visible and replace it with a clean one. You want your area to look as though you keep it tidy, not as though you just finished a Herculean task and are left with a trash can that is stuffed and overflowing
10. Get back to work. Now your mind should be a bit more clear and you can know your work area represents you more positively to others. (And no, you won’t have trouble finding anything. Your work space isn’t that big!)
Have a good work day!
January 22nd, 2010
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work |
3 comments
In 1980 IBM started a project in Boca Raton, Florida, to develop a personal computer (a PC) that could be used by regular people in their homes. The story is complex, but you can read some interesting background about it here.
David Bradley was one of the engineers on the project, and–in spite of a tremendously accomplished career–is best known in some circles as the developer of the three fingered salute: Control, Alternate, Delete (or Control, Alt, Delete as we usually say it.) That combination of keys is a way to end a program or process that has frozen up on you or to look at what is going on in the contraption right now. I’ll bet you have been grateful for it a zillion times!
Now and then you may want to consider what you need to Ctrl-Alt-Del in your life. What has become frozen and no matter how long you sit and wait, you know it isn’t going anywhere? What is using up energy and overloading your mind unnecessarily? How many processes do you have going? Could some of them be halted to allow you to better focus on others? What about just taking a break for a few minutes?
The first thing you see when you hit Ctrl-Alt-Del on most computers (Vista has a different approach to it, but gets there eventually) is a list of applications–what you have open and active right now. You can also see processes–what is going on behind the scenes. The same concept applies to evaluating your life. Right now, list the things that are on your mind almost all the time, with few interruptions. Those are in addition to the immediate issues with which you are dealing at work or home. You probably have ten to twenty things that rarely leave your mind and don’t change no matter how much you think about them! Some of them are nice feeling, but most are probably either negative or at least worrisome. No wonder you stay mentally exhausted!
There are several ways to Ctrl-Alt-Del our lives:
1. Exercise physically. One great advantage of walking, running, lifting weights, or doing calisthenics, Pilates or Yoga, is that you almost inevitably rest your mind. Sure, you might think of work, family or what’s for dinner, but it’s different feeling. Have you noticed that you sometimes find solutions or think of something creative or new while you’re working out? You’ve shut down some other processes and unfrozen your brain a bit!
2. Sleep. No matter how messed up things seem as you get ready for bed or when you close your eyes for a nap, your sad or negative emotions will be reduced at least somewhat when you awaken. You may think of the problem or concern almost immediately, but your mind will be better able to deal with it. “Sleep on it” is good advice, not only to be creative but also to reboot mentally and emotionally.
3. Reduce mental processes. You cannot control every aspect of your active life–but you often can do something to make it more manageable. Sometimes getting rid of mental (and actual) clutter can help. Sometimes you may need to completely stop something that is taking away from the quality of your life. You may find you need to stop volunteering so quickly or packing your life full of activity that isn’t necessary or fulfilling. You may need to reduce time with someone who is dragging you down.
You may have found other positive things: A hobby, a pasttime that is fun, sports, music, art or something else that is a Crtl-Alt-Del process for you. We all need something to stop the negative processes and defragment our minds! But make sure the things you do are positive and worthwhile and that they don’t create more problems. Which, using the computer analogy would mean: When you need to get unfrozen, don’t try to do it by downloading more free screensavers just because they look pretty.
Today and for the next few days, hit Ctrl-Alt-Del occasionally and list the common themes of your recurring, unpleasant thoughts. Are there some you could eliminate by simply tackling a task you’ve been procrastinating about? Could you replace some repeatedly negative thoughts with some positive affirmations? Could you stop feeling guilty or badly or sadly, by purposely finding better things that require your concentration? Do your mind and your life a favor and end those negative programs so you can free your mind for something better. You deserve the break!
January 17th, 2010
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development, Training, Technology, Blogs, A/V etc. |
4 comments
You may have heard the thought that there is no end to what we could accomplish if we didn’t care who got the credit. (Ironically, that has been credited to President Ronald Reagan, Walt Disney, writer Laing Burns, Jr. and several others.) It is sometimes stated with a slightly corrective tone when an employee is frustrated over not receiving recognition for work or when someone else incorrectly receives recognition for it. Then, we wonder why good people lose enthusiasm!
Giving credit or acknowledgement is a form of praise and it should be done correctly. If–as is often the case–raises, bonuses, promotions and perks are given on the basis of contribution, it is critical that credit is given to the right people and in the right way.
Giving credit where credit is due.
* If everyone in a group contributed close to equally on a project, don’t single out individuals for public praise. Supervisors and managers should express appreciation to individuals privately and refer to each person’s contributions when preparing formal commendations and performance evaluations. However, if everyone did their jobs effectively, keep the credit focused on the group and on the value of working together. (Also remember that a manager’s job is to monitor work–including work of ad hoc groups–to see to it that everyone does contribute effectively. )
*If individuals are given credit in public or private for specific work on a group project, make sure it is well-deserved. Especially make sure someone else who rightfully deserves the credit isn’t overlooked. It’s extremely demotivating for the wrong person to get credit for work. What makes it worse is that most good employees don’t want to sound as though they are looking for praise or taking credit, so they’ll keep quiet about it but feel deeply wounded.This is why it is so crucial that supervisors and managers are aware of the quality and quantity of work being done on a daily basis by each employee, as well as what they are contributing to group work.
*Do not give special praise just because someone is perpetually needy or is a squeaky wheel. Especially do not do so at the expense of the real contributors who quietly but effectively do the bulk of the work or who repeatedly save the day in a crisis. All employees have a strong sense of what is fair and what is not. Even those who are not involved can become demotivated over unfairness.
*A group coordinator may not deserve accolades for work the team has done. Often the person put in charge of a project receives most of the credit, whether or not they displayed leadership, made assignments and guided work, or even participated at all. Managers should praise the team as a whole or recognize each person for specific contributions, rather than automatically giving most of the credit to the person who was “in charge”, unless that person clearly was the guiding light for the work.
*The fact that someone says they are outstanding doesn’t make it so. It’s amazing how many otherwise savvy supervisors, managers and executives believe the self-aggrandizing stories of some employees–especially when the employees downplay the work of others who may not habitually seek bragging time with the boss. The next thing you know, the stories are repeated as truth and a positive reputation is built on nothing but self-reporting.
*Letting higher level managers know about the good work of individuals is a way to show loyalty to employees. If an employee works faithfully to make a group, section or project successful, the least the supervisor or manager can do is make sure higher level people know how dependable that person is–and how dependable they are in comparison to others. Otherwise, when it’s time for personnel decisions, the wrong choices are made and injustices are done. This is especially true when the manager with the knowledge is no longer there to report the facts. Documentation in a performance evaluation is good (and necessary), but nothing is as effective as using an employee’s name positively in a discussion about a project. Never make the mistake of thinking an employee doesn’t care who gets the credit–they almost always do!
*Giving credit when it is not deserved encourages mediocrity. Why should someone who is not being effective change their performance or behavior if they get as much or more credit as everyone else? Why should someone give 150% when the person who gave 50% receives the credit for the work?
*Internal motivators have to be nurtured. Much is said in management books about internal motivators being more compelling than external motivators. However, like the thought about not caring who gets credit, it doesn’t always stand up to scrutiny in real life.
External motivators (job titles, increased authority and responsibility, perks, bonuses, pay for performance, commendations, public praise and receiving credit) are important to almost everyone who works. Those are the things that nurture internal motivators in-between the praising. When someone deserves credit for work but they don’t receive it, or someone else receives it instead, internal motivators start drying up.
The bottom line: No doubt about it, if we didn’t care who got credit for our work, we’d probably approach it differently. Roll credits! wouldn’t matter to actors; politicians wouldn’t care whose name was on the legislation; athletes wouldn’t care who got credited with the game-saving play; writers wouldn’t care whose name was on the byline; researchers wouldn’t care who was credited with the lab or library work. As long as something good was being done for society, the team or the organization, it wouldn’t matter.
Life isn’t like that.
Give credit where credit is due and only where it is due.
January 13th, 2010
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Supervision and Management |
24 comments
NOTE added on August 5, 2010. I’m now sending these files in a Word document instead of PDF. I thought the PDF would be helpful for various formats, but since spending a day working with a PDF file, I’ve decided I don’t want people to have to deal with that! If you need PDF, let me know. Otherwise, I’ll send the material in a Word document so you can select, copy and paste easier. Best wishes!
Background about Church Safety and Security Material
At the end of 2007, after the tragic events in Arvada, Colorado and at New Life Church in Colorado Springs, my intent I wrote a 23 page document on the role of greeters and ushers in church security, to assist a few pastor friends who had asked me for suggestions. Then, I wrote a lengthier document on how to assess the safety and security of a place of worship, based on my experiences assessing courthouses, government buildings and facilities–including a nuclear site–as well as churches and church schools. Later I added three more short documents, one which is really just an edited response to someone who asked me about how to develop a church security team. That one is not all-inclusive by any means, but apparently has assisted many churches in their efforts.
Five free documents on church safety and security.
Altogether I have five documents on church safety and security that are yours for free, if you contact me and ask for them. The reason I don’t just have a download button is that I like to hear personally from those who want to use the material—and sometimes I hear back from them when they have used it! I’m always interested in what church is represented by the person requesting it, where it’s located, the size of the church and anything else of interest. Sometimes the person requesting doesn’t represent a specific church, and that’s fine too. I’ll send the material without any background information, but I enjoy having it.
Close to 8,000 so far! Who was to know that word-of-mouth advertising, viral marketing and a great price (they’re free!) would accomplish so much? Probably the fact that they were free added a great deal to the popularity of the material! However, I know that hundreds of churches are using the material. I have spoken at many conferences and meetings in which attendees have commented on how helpful all of documents have been. Several other websites also distribute it and it is given out regularly by police departments and sheriffs offices, denominational groups and at various conferences. As a result, the material has been distributed in North America, Great Britain, Europe, China, Japan, several countries in Africa and in Mexico and Central and South America. I’ve enjoyed the whole experience tremendously!
Why is the material so helpful? I think there are three reasons the material is helpful–and isn’t because of my expertise (although you can believe that too, if you want!).
1. The focus is on both safety and security. Certainly there are concerns in places of worship about active shooters and church violence of all kinds. However, accidents, injuries, crimes, misuse of money and authority, vehicle safety and weather, mechanical and medical emergencies all can harm church members and the activities of a place of worship. Focusing only on violent acts will tend to distract from all the other situations that require prevention and planning.
2. It is adaptable to any place of worship in any setting. I collected every book I could find on church safety and security and have found all of them to offer something worthwhile. However, many of them tend to be focused on specific settings or types of churches. Some of them are most concerned about response to violent acts and don’t mention other situations. Of course all can be adapted to other settings and problems, but often readers may not make the connections.
I have tried–I hope not to excess–to keep a wide variety of situations in mind. Storefront prayer rooms and cathedrals have similar yet very different problems. An urban church and a one room church in a remote rural location have similar and also different worries. A mega-church with programs going almost continuously has potential problems that a corner church in a small town does not–and the reverse is also true. However they both can be harmed in similar ways.
Whatever material you read, consider the principles and concepts, and work around the fact that the church being described is different than yours.
3. Anyone who takes it a step at a time can apply the concepts and suggestions. Conducting a security assessment of a place of worship doesn’t require an expert. In fact, a moderately trained church member or team can probably do a better job than a stranger in most cases. For one thing, the church member can be present at various times to assess a wide-variety of programs and processes. This aspect of assessing is at the heart of my material. To be thorough you must assess in various situations throughout the year. That can’t be done by the local police or a hired consultant.
One of the biggest misconceptions about security is that law enforcement personnel know more about it than a lay person might. In truth, most law enforcement officers, even community resource officers, have never received specific training in how to conduct a thorough assessment of any facility or to make recommendations about it. They are often not accustomed to the limitations, requirements and restraints involved in making a church safe and secure, compared to a bank, a courthouse or a home. They are willing to do it and will certainly apply their knowledge, skills and intuitive thinking–which can be considerable. But, they are usually only available on a limited and one-time basis and their abilities will vary, as with any task.
You may find that the help of the police or sheriffs office is just what you need. But keep in mind that you or anyone else who takes his or her time to do it right, following the guidelines in reasonable material, mine included, can do a very acceptable job.
HOW TO GET THE FIVE FREE DOCUMENTS ON CHURCH SAFETY AND SECURITY
You can use the comments section on this or other posts and ask for the material that way. Or, you can go to the Contact Me tab at the top of the site and use the space provided. Your email address is not published either way. I will only send you the material and will not contact you again, unless you get in touch. It’s an easy process.
I’ll send the files in PDF format, so you can read them on the computer or print them out for reading that way. You can also select and copy text into your own documents if you wish. I appreciate attribution if large portions are used, but as I often point out….I probably won’t know the difference! Also, be sure to share the documents with others in your denomination or community. It’s a great outreach to other churches, to show caring and concern.
There is no Eleventh Commandment About Church Safety and Security
Your place of worship is unique in its setting and vulnerabilities, and so are the members and their concerns. You and others can develop a program that grows over time and is adjusted as needed just for your church. There are no rules about it. Starting and doing something reasonable is better than waiting until someone knows how to develop something perfect. Take a leadership role in the safety and security of your church. Volunteer to help. Be a reasonable resource (not a naggy pain in the neck!). The important thing is to get started and keep going. Keep the faith!
January 10th, 2010
Posted by
TLR |
*Free Church Security Material--In Word Format, Safety and Security Planning |
one comment
In the pilot episode of Fringe, a Fox TV drama about an FBI agent drawn into situations involving strange phenomena, Walter Bishop (actor John Noble) says about being in a mental institution:
There are so many things you lose in a place like that. You lose being trusted.
Strange how important that is once it’s gone.
One of the most valuable commodities we have is the trust others give to us and the trust we find at work and within our families and network of friends. Consider this: Are there some people you interact with regularly but whom you don’t trust? What is it that causes you to feel that way?
*Have they ever failed to do what they promised?
*Have they ever lied or not told the entire truth?
*Have they tried to make themselves look good at someone else’s expense?
*Have they purposely created problems for you?
*Have they placed blame or taken credit unfairly?
*Are they generally undependable about doing high quality work–even though they may “mean well”?
*Have they said something to your face and you found out later they said something else behind your back?
*Have you trusted them, then they let you down or did something devious?
Those are all reasons for losing confidence in someone. It may be that some of their actions were unavoidable or you are mistaken about what they did or said. Make sure you have the facts before you take someone off your list of trusted people.
The next thing to do is to look once again at that list of things that can cause lack of trust. Do any of them describe you at some time in your work or life? Even if no one confronted you at the time, it may be that someone feels differently about you because of something you did a long time ago. Look for every opportunity to demonstrate that you are trustworthy now.
The final activity that will benefit you and others is to express trust in your words and actions. Give people reasons to believe in you and tell them how much you believe in them. Those aren’t just nice interactions at work, they are ways to reinforce the valuable aspects of being trustworthy and being trusted. You won’t fully appreciate the importance of it until it’s gone.
January 7th, 2010
Posted by
TLR |
Personal and Professional Development |
6 comments
I’ve sometimes wondered if the person who is driving me crazy is only that way in a specific setting (the one I’m in at the time) or if he or she is always that way. Fortunately for my peace of mind, I don’t consider the idea that I might be annoying as well. Highly improbable!
My friend Jeff Adams wrote a post last month about annoying airplane travelers. I could relate to all of his descriptions–especially the passengers who hold up everyone else while stuffing their over-sized bags into the overhead bins. Then it’s slam, slam, SLAM, while they try to close the door.
My neighbor, Larry Homenick, has a list of annoyances he encounters at casinos. (I don’t go to those places, so I’m taking his word on these). They include the Button Pounder, the Slot Machine Expert, the Slot Machine Hog, the Over-Your-Shoulder Starer, and the Childishly Excited. (Oh my gosh. Oh my GOSH! OH MY GOSH!!!!!!! I won two dollars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Last week I was checking out at an Office Max and the guy in front of me was so preoccupied talking on his cell phone, he couldn’t respond to anything the sales clerk was asking–the sales clerk was visibly annoyed and so were those of us standing and waiting. We all have stories like that nowadays. They are as common as the annoyances of having someone scrolling through email while you’re teaching or conversing; talking on the phone loudly, as though others want to hear or won’t notice, or forwarding silly emails or urban legends to you and fifty others.
There are traffic annoyances; personal habits that are annoying; repetitious words and phrases that were charming, witty or interesting the first thousand times the person said them, but aren’t anymore; inside jargon; annoying children, annoying sounds (whistling, humming, snorting, etc.) and a myriad of other things. (And saying we should overlook those things is annoying too. It’s always easier to tell someone to ignore an annoyance than it is to ignore the thing that annoys you.)
More ways to be annoying: In case you don’t have enough ways to be annoying, I’ll give you an excerpt from the list you may have already seen. I haven’t found out the correct attribution–the source listed by some sites hasn’t proven to be correct. Very annoying!
- Learn Morse Code and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeeep, Bip, Bip, Beep, Bip, Beeeep…”
- Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
- Sniffle incessantly. (Note: Or cough, pick your noise, scratch your arm, neck or face, etc.)
- Insist on keeping your windshield wipers running in all weather conditions to keep them “tuned up.”
- Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what YOU think.”
- Follow a few paces behind someone spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
- Finish all your sentences with the words, “in accordance with prophecy.”
- ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
- Repeat everything someone says, in the form of a question. (Note: That’s why “active listening” techniques can be annoying.)
- Demand that everyone address you as “Conquistador”. (Note: I knew a guy who wanted me to call him Tarzan, but it might not be the same concept.)
- Stand over someones shoulder mumbling as they read. (Note: That’s still not as bad as standing behind a stranger and watching while they play a slot machine.)
- Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-worker’s minds. (Note: Like Mike O’Neill and Art Hutchison used to do to Gary Gosage with “Sh-boom, sh-boom. Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta, sh-boom, sh-boom…”)
I saw a sign the other day that undoubtedly is appropriate for all of us:
Sh-boom, sh-boom. Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta, sh-boom, sh-boom……
January 3rd, 2010
Posted by
TLR |
Challenging and Problematic People, Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers |
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