“I feel like my boss is unhappy with my work because I’ve made some mistakes. But, he hasn’t said anything to me and I’m afraid to ask him about it.” That was the tone of a recent question to the Ask the Workplace Doctors website. (Dr. William Gorden, who served on the faculty of Kent State University’s School of Communication Studies for 25 years, is the founder of the site and the driving force behind it. I am one of the three primary contributors and I enjoy the opportunity to help people–some might say, to meddle.)
“How am I doing?” is a question we all need to be asking and it is a question we need to answer even before it is asked of us, in personal relationships as well as at work.
Letting employees know how they are doing in their work should be a regular supervisory activity. Every day is an employee evaluation time. It is unfair and unproductive to wait until a formal evaluation interview, then give a broad, multiple-month impression of the quality and quantity of an employee’s work. Even if specific instances are cited, time will have reduced the effectiveness of the critique or commendation.
An irony about work evaluation: The longer we wait to tell people about work problems, the more likely it is the wrong actions have become a habit. The longer we wait to tell people they are doing well, the more likely it is that they will stop doing well. Supervisors and managers should be communicating with purpose–with an emphasis on what should continue and what should be done instead. Frequent, quick communications about work can achieve much more than infrequent, closed-door talks.
Letting supervisors and managers know how they are doing should also be a regular activity. It may not be possible for you to tell your manager or supervisor that his or her communication style is frustrating or irritating to you or that work changes have been counter-productive, in your opinion. However, it is possible to let the manager or supervisor know when the working relationship is going well or when decisions have had positive results. The advice to praise what you want to have happen more often applies very well in upward communications.
Friends and family want to know, too. Look for opportunities to praise specific actions by children, spouses and friends. Also, be honest enough to let people know if you feel hurt, frustrated or angry–and be specific about it rather than acting peeved, irritated, hurt or sulky about everything, not just the specific thing.
How am I doing? Ask the question if you are wondering. Do others the favor of answering that question before they have to ask it.
August 31st, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Supervision and Management |
9 comments
A concept I often suggest that always gets many positive responses from those who have tried it is the idea of dedicating time. It’s a wonderful way to get a task done or to make the best use of time you might otherwise waste (and regret it).
It’s all well and good to say we should do worthwhile things for ourselves–but the truth is, we often don’t do that. However, most of us are willing to do things for those we love or who we admire and respect. The concept is particularly useful for doing something we know they would want us to do–even though we might be dragging our feet.
Don’t want to get on the treadmill? Dedicate the time to your son, for whom you want to be a healthy role model. Or, to your spouse, for whom you want to stay attractive. Or, to your parents who aren’t able to exercise at all anymore. Exercise in their names and it will be easier!
What about these?
Do you dread the thought of starting that work project?
Do you wish you didn’t have to go to the meeting?
Don’t want to interact with that guy you can barely tolerate but who sits next to you at work?
Are you tempted to keep procrastinating on the work you dislike?
Don’t want to sit down and pay bills?
Don’t want to clean the house?
Don’t want to wash the car?
Don’t want to iron?
Don’t want to eat a healthy lunch because the other food on the menu looks so good?
Dedicate the time to someone who you want to have feel proud of you; someone you want to honor; someone who means so much to you that you will do for them what you might not do for yourself.
Another reason to dedicate your time to someone you care about is that it will give you a strong sense of having them right there with you at work or in the exercise room or the kitchen. I have had many pleasant hours with my mother, who passed away over a decade ago, because I often dedicate my housecleaning time to her. (She was a terrible housekeeper, so she doesn’t appreciate it all that much, but I do!)
The next time you’re stalling on accomplishing something, when you need to rush and get something done, or when you want to make the wise choice instead of the tempting choice, stop for a few seconds and dedicate the next hour or ten minutes or that project, to someone you care about. When you’re done you will feel even closer to them and you will have spent your time well.
August 19th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development |
14 comments
Most of us have ample experience with someone being frustrated, irritated or angry about something we’ve said, done or not said or not done. If you rarely have had anyone feel that way about you, you’re either a saint, very fortunate or completely oblivious to the world around you! (I know a few of you who seem to be able to combine all three!)
Work communication is difficult enough without getting the silent treatment or having someone purposely work against us because they are upset about something. Consider these tips for starting to get things back to normal–whatever that is!
1. Don’t let communications lapse. You don’t have to force conversation, just ensure that you don’t diminish the level of communication you would normally have. If possible, try to increase it somewhat, in a comfortable way.
2. If you don’t know the source of the anger or upset, ask. Listen without disagreeing or arguing. Often just the process of talking about it will help the other person know you want to move forward.
3 . Briefly apologize for the problem then put the focus back on work. Most people are anxious for bad feelings to be over. If you can give them a chance to express that they are upset–or even to deny they are, but at least you’re showing interest–that may be enough to turn the corner.
If you don’t feel you were wrong, don’t say you were. I have never supported the idea of falsely accepting blame. Sometimes people are upset, but they were the cause of the problem–or at least you were not the cause of it. If you want to smooth things out a bit you can say something neutral like, “I think we both just want to do our jobs and have a good place to work, so that’s what I’m going to focus on.” It’s hard to disagree with that or even to push for more conciliatory language.
4. Continue your normal communications with everyone, including with that person.You probably won’t need to mention the situation again, just keep going on with work as usual. If you find you are getting the cold shoulder from many people very often, take that as an indicator that you may need to adjust, change and improve in some areas. Not necessarily, but maybe.
5. Don’t talk too much about it to others. There is a temptation to try to win allies or to reinforce that you did nothing wrong. Your best approach is to simply continue being effective with others rather than dragging them into a quarrel. If you talk about it to others you can bet it will get back to the person involved and that will add to the problems. (Even your best friend will leak the conversation to someone.)
If you are generally on good terms with the person who is upset with you now, time will repair problems. If not, you can either work to build a better relationship in the future or limit your time with them if possible and pay close attention to your communications. If you were surprised at the reaction you received from them–now you know.
6. Keep moving forward in positive ways. That will do the most to help you in your work, in your relationship with the upset person and with others. Let them see the person you want to be and the way you want to be viewed by others.
August 15th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development |
7 comments
Courage has a Latin root word, cor, which means heart. Courage is the state of mind and spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, doubt and obstacles with self-possession, confidence and determination. Courage is tough faith–and you may be needing that right now.
There are examples of courage all around us: The relative who is facing illness or pain with fortitude; the friend going through tough times but still smiling; or, the coworker who is dealing with a crisis but still is being a good worker and showing concern for others. Those can inspire us when we have problems. Sometimes they can add to our feelings that we are failures in dealing with our own situations.
You may be ashamed to be overwhelmed by a problem you know you have brought on yourself–and that others seem to have avoided. You may think others would have more success than you are having in dealing with the problem once and for all. You may feel others are judging you and your situation negatively or that they would if they knew about it. It is during those times of self-doubt and self-disgust that courage is needed the most. However, your courage has to be combined with positive actions that move you forward to success. Having confidence without doing anything worthwhile to create improvement isn’t courage, it’s carelessness.
If you are dealing with an issue in which you can make a difference in even a tiny part of it, you can effect all of it positively. But you must do something that improves the situation–and keeping doing it. It may take the most courage to keep going when big improvements don’t happen quickly. The biggest test of your fortitude may be when it seems the slightest relaxation in your efforts puts you back twenty steps. If you’re talking about breaking a bad habit–and I’ll bet you are!–you will probably always have to be vigilant.
Take heart! Tough faith will help you achieve your goals. It can replace doubt and intimidation and give you a stronger sense of self-discipline. And, your courage will increase as you demonstrate it and see results. So, keeping on keeping on is the key ingredient for nurturing the faith and commitment you need to continue improving.
You have an infinite supply of tough faith available in your mind and heart. Combine it with positive action to achieve your goals. You can do it!
August 11th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development |
6 comments
Have you ever had a job where it was simply fun to be at work? Where you caught yourself looking forward to getting there and almost dreaded days off because you had to go home? What was the attraction?
I asked that question as an afterthought in a class a few weeks ago and was bombarded with reactions! Some of the people started smiling at memories, others looked at me as if I was crazy, one person said he had felt that way about every place he worked but his current job was his all-time favorite. (I think his boss was in the room.)
I rephrased to get a better response: When have you had the most fun at work? That was the right question! Everyone had stories of times when work was the best it’s ever been. In the process of talking about those they made lists of common themes or situations that caused work to go past tolerable and even enjoyable, all the way to fun, fun, fun!!
- Working with close friends.
- Having a romantic relationship with someone at work. (I didn’t put restrictions on what they could list!)
- Having a close team in which everyone had a strong role.
- When the boss was also a friend, at least at work.
- Having enough work to stay busy but not so much as to be overwhelmed.
- Right after getting a promotion or going to a choice assignment. (That often didn’t last long!)
- Accomplishing something significant.
- Getting a lot of valid recognition for work.
- When everyone seemed to get along and there was no conflict.
- When there was a special project and everything came together easily.
If you’ll notice, there was no mention of a nice office or the most current technology, making a lot of money, or goofing off but still getting paid. Mostly, having fun at work involved relationships in one way or another and getting something positive accomplished.
Ask yourself the question. When have you had the most fun at work? Who was part of it? Enjoy those memories! Consider contacting the people you worked with at the time to tell them how much fun you had with them and that you appreciate their part in it.
Can you make your work more fun? Is there any way to recreate some of that fun in your current work, if you aren’t having fun now? You may not be able to create a situation in which you look forward to work and don’t want to leave, but you might be able to add fun, great relationships and memories to carry with you after this assignment or job is over. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.
August 6th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work |
11 comments
