This post follows the one about being cheerful and busy without being excessive. So, I guess moderation is the theme for now!
Some people complain that workplaces are filled with self-centered people who don’t extend themselves to help others. However, it seems to me there are a lot of Rescuers, too. A Rescuer, in Transactional Analysis concepts, is someone who puts more effort into solving another person’s problem than that person is putting into it. This may be motivated by sincere interest and a desire to be helpful–or by a bit of ego about having a solution to every problem. (It also can be a way to control and repress others.)
Even appropriate help and support should be limited in time and quantity. This refers to meddling and smothering rather than appropriate assistance and support by supervisors or coworkers. Have you ever known a know-it-all who always has a better way to do things? Avoid that by suggesting resources you find effective, but not lecturing. Unless it is crucial that the other person does it your way, let them find the solution that is best for them.
A friend (Chris) told me about working to break a habit. His supervisor knew about it but went far past being encouraging to becoming like a therapist. Every time the supervisor saw Chris he’d mention it, pull him aside to ask how he was doing, and often critique his efforts. It was excessive and irritating. When the supervisor started researching support groups Chris acted disinterested and the supervisor seemed offended that his help wasn’t appreciated. However, he needed to stop his excessive involvement.
Too much mentoring? The same goes for mentoring behavior–some of it is supportive and encouraging. Too much of it can be overwhelming. It’s good to have high expectations for others as long as we don’t try to push them to be our version of what is successful.
Pay attention to the reaction you get when you give advice or encouragement. If you are trying to be helpful about an issue that is not related to good work for which you are ultimately responsible, notice the reactions you’re getting. If you mostly hear excuses or if your suggestions seem to be shrugged off or even resented, stop. Even if it appears your advice is appreciated, back off if you don’t see any of it being taken. Nudging once or twice is helpful, pushing, pulling, shoving or dragging is not.
July 31st, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Supervision and Management |
8 comments
Not long ago I was introduced to an organization called Smile & Move. You can find out about the concept and get nifty tips and products here. The information and advice is certainly needed! The next time you are observing a crowd, office or business, notice how few people smile–and how lethargic many of them act about work. Those uninspired images should be a good reminder to look and act pleasant and to show enthusiasm and a willingness to help others.
The honey bee is the traditional example of cheerful industry. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bee grin but I’ve watched bees work and it is fascinating to see how thorough they are as they buzz between, over and in flowers. However, buzzing around like a bee at work is not necessarily a positive thing. It can be irritating and often makes work more difficult.
The problems with excessive buzzing around at work:
*Hyperactivity can seem out of control and overly dramatic.
*Rushed, worried talking can give the impression of being overwhelmed.
*Hurried work leads to mistakes, accidents and misunderstandings.
*When the behavior is chronic it seems manic rather than admirable.
*Other employees resent having to deal with the uproar and panic that seems to often accompany an excessively active person.
Another problem is that being busy as a bee can become egotistical and self-serving. It’s easy to use multi-tasking and busy, busy, busyness as a way to slyly attempt to show others up: “Thank goodness I’m working so hard, since no one else is. I’m such a saint.” Sometimes hectic people make a habit of sharing their long lists of tasks with others. No one is impressed and in fact, they become even more resentful.
Calm down. If you know you tend to buzz around, purposely calm down.
- Move a bit slower to avoid the appearance you are wogging everywhere you go.
- Stop now and then to regain your composure and self control.
- Realize that everyone else is probably working hard too, so don’t create more problems for them with your obsessiveness.
- Don’t recite your list of tasks to others.
- Consider reducing the list and learning to deal with your time and work more effectively.
Smile and move with purpose and composure. Isn’t that the way you want to be viewed by others?
Check out the Smile & Move website, then use it to help yourself have a positive attitude and take positive action–without bouncing or buzzing off the walls.
July 28th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers |
6 comments
Does this situation sound familiar? An employee goes home and the spouse or a friend asks, “How was work today?” Employee replies:
“It was great! I’m lucky to have a really incredible boss! I can learn so much that I catch myself hanging on every word. What a fabulous example of hard work, brilliance and great human relations skills! My boss corrected my work several times today and I was truly grateful for the opportunity to gain some new knowledge. Wow!”
If that doesn’t sound familiar it probably is because it doesn’t happen often, if ever. Almost everyone occasionally wishes for a better manager or supervisor–some of you may be wishing for that right now! Ironically, supervisors and managers who complain the most about the stubbornness and disrespect of those they supervise, are often the most stubborn and disrespectful about their own managers and supervisors.
I’m not suggesting that you have a spectacular boss or that you are not a great employee. However, it might be worthwhile to consider why it seems you find many flaws in the character, performance and behavior of your supervisor or manager–the person who, unbelievably, is making more money than you are and has been given control over you and others.
1. Bosses and subordinates have relationships that naturally tend to be in conflict. There is an inherent resistance to having another adult control any aspect of our lives, even when we know it is part of the job description. Maybe there is a bit of the feeling of being treated like a child and we resist our manager’s parent role. One way to feel more positively about your boss is to consider what part of your feelings are based on resenting having anyone tell you what to do or having to seek approval when you think you are capable of making decisions on your own.
2. You don’t really know what your boss is supposed to do or what your boss does.My friend, Art Hutchison, former police chief, said he never knew as much about being a chief of police as he did when he was an officer with a couple of years on the job. He knew less and less as he gained rank. Finally, when he became the chief he figured he had better ask a cop with a couple of years on the job about how to run the place, since, based on their comments, they obviously knew just how to do it.
You have your work and your manager or supervisor has work as well. The difference is that your manager or supervisor is being held responsible for your work and the work of others–that creates a bit more pressure. Try just focusing on your own work instead of wondering why your manager can leave early but you can’t or why he or she has made a decision that seems so clearly idiotic. Keep repeating that: “I’m going to focus on my own work until it’s practically perfect.”
3. You want your bosses to be better than you are and when they are not, it’s disappointing and irritating. We have many excuses for why we misspoke, were in a bad mood, failed to get something done, are burned out, etc. etc. We usually don’t consider those excuses when we are frustrated or irritated with our managers or supervisors. That is made worse by the fact that we have read and heard so much about leadership greatness that we have wishes and expectations that would be almost impossible for anyone to fulfill.
The truth is that if your boss was General George Patton, Ernest Shackleton, Napoleon, Attila the Hun, John F. Kennedy or Lee Iacocca, you’d find something to complain out–and you’d be correct, from your perspective. They weren’t super-human and neither is your boss–and neither are you. The next time you feel critical, think of a time when someone has criticized you for a similar thing or something else–but you had a good reason.
4. It’s hard to accept that your boss is acceptable to others. A common lament is, “Why do they tolerate such a bad manager?” It’s hard to accept that others may see the manager differently. Often the manager is viewed by higher levels as getting the job done acceptably. The fact that employees aren’t happy isn’t part of the equation. In addition, higher management may feel that the complaints of employees are not justified, so they do not find fault with the boss.
Frequently there are other employees who like the boss–those are the ones that the complaining employees refer to as apple polishers or less polite terms. The truth is, not everyone sees your boss in the same way you do. It’s maddening sometimes, but it’s true! Ask yourself what the higher management team finds acceptable or valuable about your boss. You may get some ideas for what others might find valuable in you.
5. The flaws of your boss get in your way. This is aligned to the idea of resisting control, but with a twist. It’s bad enough to have a boss at all–that’s a pain in the neck sometimes. However, to have a boss who seems to drag you down and keep you from succeeding and feeling good–that’s really difficult to deal with.
Most of us would welcome a boss who admires and respects us, makes us into heroes and helps us accomplish great things. Unfortunately, it seems we’re stuck with a boss who acts retired in place or who is building an empire on our backs or who likes someone better than us or something else that isn’t likely to lead to our personal goals.
It may be those flaws are genuine and maybe you aren’t going to fly so high as you will when you have a different manager or supervisor. However, even bad bosses or those who dislike you will value you and help make your work life better if you are working effectively at your own work and not being a continual squeaky wheel. Those wheels sometimes get grease but sometimes they get removed and replaced. (And never doubt that all of your complaints are being heard at some level.)
Be the kind of person and employee you wish your boss would be.
- Do you wish your boss was a stronger leader, more knowledgeable, easier to get along with or better at the work? Those may be easy areas for someone with your personality or experience. Instead, think of what traits, knowledge and skills others have hinted–or told you directly–you need to develop or show more often. Work on those until you have gained them and use them consistently. That will keep you busy!
- Do you wish your boss communicated more effectively with you? Work at communicating more effectively with your boss and with others you haven’t been doing so well with lately.
- Do you think your boss isn’t accomplishing much? List the specific and significant things you have accomplished above and beyond your regular work. If you don’t have many things on the list, you can assume there are some who think you don’t do much either. Resolve to solve a problem, do something creative, clear up a conflict, or make a significant difference in the workplace.
- Do you wish your boss appreciated how hard you try? You know what to do about that as it relates to your manager or supervisor.
Start having a day a week you can call, “Give The Boss A Break Day”. On at least that day, try to be your boss’s most sympathetic and supportive employee. Then, see if you can increase the time. Your boss may not be deserving of your loyalty and support–and you may not be able to become his or her loyal supporter in every case. However, you’ll find you enjoy work more when you work with–not against–your manager or supervisor. Besides, your boss may be better than you think.
If you responded to that last line with a sarcastic statement like, “My boss would HAVE to be better than I think”, go sit in the corner.
July 20th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development, Supervision and Management |
8 comments
I’m not tidy in my work area (or anyplace else). However, I try to avoid clutter and confusion and spend some time every few days washing my desk top, cleaning the keyboard and reorganizing a bit. I’ve learned over time that reorganizing isn’t as useful as simply tossing some clutter items that add nothing to my life or work–and that may detract from it.
A Peter Walsh book you’ll find very helpful: I just finished reading It’s All Too Much: An Easy Plan For Living A Richer Life With Less Stuff, by Peter Walsh, and was reinforced in my thinking. I wanted to mention it here to say that his book is both insightful and inspirational not just informational. If you have a problem with stuff stuffed everywhere or if you haven’t gotten to that point….yet, I encourage you to buy this book and see how you can apply it. He’s the host of the TV show Clean Sweep and has some excellent perspectives. (I’m not as positive about his line of organizational items at a big name office store. They all seem unnecessary and over-priced to me!)
Finish up your summer feeling lighter and less burdened by the stacks, boxes and shelves of stuff you don’t care about at home, and the clutter and junk that takes up desk space and distracts you and others at work. Walsh doesn’t advocate getting rid of everything you care about. However, he does advocate carefully considering what you do care about. I found it to be an excellent book that I’ll keep on my book shelf–the one with ten less books than it had this morning.
July 13th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work |
7 comments
A few months ago I mentioned a great way to use your name card in training–write a thank you note to the instructor. I had been surprised and delighted with such a card after a class for police sergeants and supervisors and wrote about it then.
A few weeks ago I received another of those, then another a week later–one from Jennifer Kirkland, a Communications (Dispatch) Supervisor for the Vail Police Department and one from Jacob Campbell of the Cherry Hills Police Department. Jacob is a tremendously impressive sergeant with a great career ahead of him and I certainly appreciated the thank you note on his name card. However, I will focus on Jennifer’s in this article for one big reason: I had to get hers out of the trash!
Several of us were cleaning up after a class on supervisory interviewing and I was getting ready to throw some items away when I saw a name tag with writing on it covered up by some other trash. I took it out and smiled to see the note.
It may not be original, but thanks, Tina! It was great!
I carefully wiped the coffee grounds from it–as though it was the Holy Grail being restored–and put it into my briefcase with reverence. I scanned it into my computer when I got home and saved the card in my files. I was thrilled to have it! (I love the emails I receive too, so don’t think I’m picky about how I get a thank you note!)
Creative thank you and greeting ideas for training or work: The next time you attend training, use your name tag to write a thank you to the instructor or a fellow participant. Or, take it back to your office and give it to the person who helped make the training possible for you. Be creative in any other meeting or gathering and find something on which to leave a thank you note for the coordinator or someone else responsible. Or, simply look for ways to leave your mark and have an Instant Impact on someone’s day.
- If it’s a food event, write a Thank You on a napkin and leave it on the co-worker’s desk.
- Write “thank you” or greeting on a snack package and give it to an employee.
- Write a thank you note on a styrofoam cup and hand it to someone you appreciate.
- Buy a coworker a can of pop and tape a fun note to it.
- Put a note in a desk drawer, on a purse or briefcase or somewhere else unexpected.
- Think of something even more creative—but appropriate–and say thank you or just Hi! to someone you know at work.
The idea is to surprise people with an unexpected thank you note or greeting. You don’t have to do it creatively–but it certainly has an impact when you do!
In Jennifer’s case, she must have decided not to leave the note after all–or, maybe her name card was put in the trash inadvertently. Whatever the situation, I’m glad I found Jennifer Kirkland’s name card because I was very happy to have it–coffee grounds and all.
July 9th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development, Training, Technology, Blogs, A/V etc. |
4 comments
I did a small (very small) survey over the last few weeks and asked people to notice for a week if their supervisors and managers used courtesy phrases when asking them to do something at work (and time and circumstances permitted it.) Here are the results of 52 responses:
My supervisor or manager more often than not used courtesy phrases when asking me to do something: 21 out of 52.
Sometimes my supervisor or manager used courtesy phrases, sometimes not: 11 of 52.
My supervisor or manager rarely or never used courtesy phrases: 15 of 52.
Other responses: 5 of 52.
Here are four of the “other responses”:
- I noticed my boss said please and thank you to some people but never to others. He almost never asked nicely to men but sometimes went overboard with women. That may be why he’s not liked very well!
- My supervisor routinely barks out orders or just shoves things at me, but then he’ll come in to my area in a few minutes to see how it’s coming along and will be really nice and appreciative or offer to get things to help me. The next time he’ll still throw things on my desk or yell an order across the room. He’s always done that and I’m used to it but most of the others get really irritated with him and some have complained. So, I guess my supervisor is sort of yes and sort of no about using courtesy phrases.
- Toward the end of the week I told my boss about the survey and that I was interested in comparing several of the managers. She got very huffy and started bowing when she’d see me and acting like she was begging me to do things. It wasn’t meant in fun, either.
- I have a manager who I like in most ways, but she does something that bothers me a lot…she never gives me work directly, it’s always just sitting in the middle of my desk when I come back from lunch or when I arrive in the morning. I have an in-basket but she doesn’t use that. It’s frustrating to me because not only does she not ask nicely, she doesn’t ask at all…it’s just sitting there waiting to be done. I know it’s my job, but I don’t know why she can’t talk to me when it comes to giving me work.
There are no advantages to leaving off courtesy phrases when asking employees to do a task, and there a many reasons why we should use those phrases. What would your employees or coworkers say about you?
July 4th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Personal and Professional Development, Supervision and Management |
7 comments
