Try Straight Talk
Many of the problems at work and elsewhere could be reduced dramatically if people would tell the truth in appropriate ways. Instead, problem solving is stalled by those who hint, pretend to joke, talk in round-about ways or try to avoid having conflict.
I’m not talking here about the oft-mentioned Abilene Paradox, in which people think their ideas are not in alignment with the group, so they don’t speak up. I’m talking about what is essentially deceit, wishy-washiness and lacking character and courage. And what’s worse, many people will complain, worry and moan after the fact–when they had the chance to do something constructive, face-to-face with someone.
It isn’t necessary to blurt unnecessary truths just for the sake of doing it. And, “in your face” confrontation is not effective either. It is also true that some things are not worth confronting, even if they could be corrected. (If that’s the case, don’t complain about it to other people!) However…
If something is weighing on your mind,
If you want to say something about a problem,
If you wonder what someone meant,
If you are confused about instructions or directions,
If you have an appropriate thought or feeling you want to express,
….just do it, in a courteous way that seeks to find the truth and works within the situation. You will also save a lot of time that way–and you will get to the core of problems, rather than dancing all around them.
Look for these times when you need to say what needs to be said:
- You wonder what someone meant by a remark they made.
- You don’t understand the directions you were given.
- You don’t agree with what was said or done.
- You have a feeling that you want to express.
- You don’t want something to happen again.
- Someone is lying or purposely trying to mislead, and you know the truth.
- You and others have complained behind someone’s back about their actions.
- You wonder what someone else is thinking about a situation.
In non-conflict situations, straight talk may simply mean asking questions to understand what someone meant, finding out about what is confusing you or stating your true opinion. In situations of conflict, it may mean owning up to your frustrations and irritation and telling someone what is bothering you and why. For a supervisor it may mean speaking directly to correct problems rather than hinting around about them. For an employee it may mean asking a supervisor about how work is going and what is needed for improvement, rather than wondering and worrying or being angry over an evaluation but not finding out more about it.
It’s called communication, and it should be as open and honest as professional situations and sensitivity allows.
If the person you need to talk to is higher than you in the organization, you may be limited in what you can say–but you still can seek to clarify an issue or express a feeling. If the person is a peer, you should be courteous and professional–but if something needs to be said–say it. You’ll feel better about it and you can get a subject cleared up and out of the way much more quickly.
Say what you mean and mean what you say–it will save a lot of time, and in the long run it will improve relationships, your reputation and your effectiveness.
May 26th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Personal and Professional Development |
10 comments
I love Denver! It’s not perfect (what large city is?) but it’s a great city in many ways!
For one thing, there are few large cities that are so clean, especially downtown. In addition, few have such a low crime rate in the downtown area. We have a small downtown, compared to some that seem to spread all over the place. You can walk the central part of it–16th Street–easily.
Unlike many large cities, Denver is alive almost all night long! It’s fun to walk the 16th Street Mall at night–and feel safe. At 11 p.m. it’s as busy as it is in the daytime, but with an atmosphere of fun.
Denver also has wonderful communities, excellent cultural opportunities, fun activities, theatre and concerts and everything else you could want in a city, without most of the things that are less attractive.
We don’t have slums as they are seen in some other urban areas; we don’t have scandals and unethical government officials (that we have found out about, anyway!) I think we have an excellent mayor, John Hickenlooper (what a name!) who has tremendous business-sense in a time when that is needed. Overall, I just love this place!
If you live in the area and haven’t visited downtown lately, do so. Take RTD Light Rail from an outlying area to avoid the pressure of driving and parking. (Kids love the Light Rail experience.) Or, drive if you must and then park and walk. Promise you won’t complain incessantly about parking fees–you’ll ruin the evening!
Do something special–dinner, a play or shopping. (There are scads of restaurants in Downtown Denver!) Or, just get a cup of coffee and walk the mall. During the day go to the Denver Museum of Science and Nature. Visit the zoo. Go to the wonderful Botanic Gardens, near downtown. Walk the area between the City and County Building and the State Capitol. Take photos. Have fun in a truly enjoyable downtown and near-downtown area.
Get to know Denver–it’s a great city!
May 21st, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Food, Fitness, Fun |
8 comments
At the risk of sounding like a school marm, I’ll mention Gresham’s Law. It is an economic theory that bad (debased) money will drive out good money. I think it also applies to communication. Some people use so much junk communication that they have diminished their ability to write or speak in a way that is effective, persuasive or that shows depth of thought.
I define junk communication as catch-words and phrases that circulate widely and are considered witty or thought provoking, but that do not show any intellect or originality. My view is that they are appropriate among friends as conversational fillers or quick ways to express a thought or get a smile. But, they are not appropriate for thoughtful communication–and certainly not in a professional setting.
The issue isn’t that these are horrible on their own (although some are!). It’s that using them to excess prevents you from communicating in a real sense. And, frankly, they put you at the communication levels of those with whom you probably do not want to be equated. Off-set the occasional use of them by ensuring that most of the time you express yourself at a level that represents you in the most positive manner. And never, never use them because you think they will make you sound “with it”. They won’t.
Let me give you some examples. Some of these were contributed by business people in a class last week, others are from friends or gleaned from my own experiences.
- Wassup? (That’s an old one that is still being used, unfortunately.)
- What’s up with that?
- Hel-lo?????
- Whatever. (This is what the young man at the hotel desk said to Russell Crowe, that caused him to throw the phone. I don’t blame RC–as his other friends and I call him.)
- As if. (This is close to the Not!!) of twenty years ago.
- That made me vomit in my mouth a little. (To indicate how gross a comment was–as though that comment isn’t gross.)
- I almost spit out my coffee! (To indicate how funny a comment was. This is very popular with those who write on forums.)
- Things that make you go hmmm. (A phrase designed to indicate the writer or speaker is pointing out something interesting.)
- OMG!!!!! (This, along with all the other instant messaging and text messaging initials, has had a tremendous–and I think, negative–impact on communication. Some people even say the initials. In the last week I have had people say, “OMG!” and “LMAO!” I can understand saying, WTF? But, since it isn’t very soul-satisfying to say it that way, you might as well forget it.
- Fugget it. Or, fugget-aboud-it.
- Get over it. (You might say this behind someone’s back, but you’ll never get good results if you say it directly to someone.)
- What a beyotch. (The word beyotch, as a way to say the bad word better, doesn’t sound any better.)
- Sooooooooooooo (whatever the next word is): Sooooooooooo funnyyyyyyy! Soooooooo saddd. Soooooooooo sorrrry.) I thought I was the only one who received business messages with “soooooooooo” in them. Last week several people commented on how much like a teenager an adult sounds to write it like that in a business email. I agree!
- My bad. (This vague apology is often said with a tone that implies, “but it’s not really important.” It isn’t interpreted as a sincere apology.)
- You go girl. (Another catch phrase that is sooooooooooo last week.)
- Chill. (I don’t care for this word even when it’s used to mean, “Be cool.” But, in the last month I’ve heard it used by professional level people to describe someone who is calm, flexible or in control, or used to be. “He used to be so chill and now he’s a PITA.” “Don’t worry. He’s chill.” I asked the person who used that last phrase, why he would use it in a business setting. He looked perplexed and said, “My kid says that all the time. You know what I meant.” The fact that I could figure out what he meant didn’t make him sound intelligent to be talking like a twelve year old.
- Awesome!
- It’s to die for. (Really? You really would die for that salad? Or that dessert? Really? Why not say, “It’s good enough to die for”?)
Yes, I use some (not all) of these catch-phrases myself now and then, and I know you probably do as well. But, let’s recognize them for what they are and what they are not. They are not communications that allow us to build relationships by sharing our thoughts. They don’t substitute for genuine questions or expressions of concern or appreciation. They don’t demonstrate that we are well-read and able to express ourselves in an interesting manner. They don’t inspire respect or confidence from others. Like junk food, they have their purposes–but should be limited and not habitual.
Have you heard any catch-phrases lately?
May 17th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development |
9 comments
Church Security Assessments–You Can Conduct One Very Effectively
Several weeks ago I posted that I was working on another church security document. It’s completed now and I’m happy to send it to anyone who requests it. I don’t have it as a download because frankly, I like to say hello to those who ask for material, and have met some great people all around the world that way! (I have sent the document on Greeters and Ushers to almost every continent and many, many countries, as well as to every state. It’s been very fun and gratifying!)
This new document is essentially a small (83 page) book on the topic of church security assessments and planning. The last part is an update of the greeter and usher document. The first part will be a tremendously helpful tool for those who want to get to know their place of worship from a safety and security perspective, as well as to plan for emergencies. You don’t have to hire someone or call someone to help you, with this as a guide.
You will find it to be more in-depth than any of the other material I have seen on the market right now–although those can be very helpful. They often have material I haven’t included in this one because of the limited scope of the topic. As long as people are well balanced and focused on effectiveness using best practices for security, it’s all useful and all worth reading.
Please use the contact form to get a free copy of this PDF file on church security. You can print it and distribute it or forward it freely, as long as it is not sold. I have also made this document a bit less secured than the last one, so you can select and copy portions of it in your own material if you wish. If you use large portions or the whole document, I’d appreciate attribution. But, I’ll leave that to your conscience!
Best wishes in your efforts to increase the safety and security of your place of worship!
May 8th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
*Free Church Security PDF, Safety and Security Planning |
28 comments
A few days ago I was reading an old novel in which a central character made the comment, “Today is yours!” That might seem obvious to you, but to me it stirred the thought that I live in Tomorrow Land most of the time–and I think many others do as well. Much of my email is from people who are getting ready for something in their lives or careers. The nature of my teaching and training is that it focuses on “after class” and “back at work” and similar tomorrow themes. Planning is part of life and work and we would be foolish to not do it. Still, does it sometimes seem to you that mentally you live in the future most of the time?
The problem with so much thinking about the future is that we often rush through a lifetime of todays to get there. I want to remember, when I awake each day, that I have a gift of life and time to do and be what I want. I hope you will do that as well. Even if your time is structured by someone else, your mind and heart can live, as some call it, in the now. We can’t change anything at all about the last moment, hour, day, weeks, years or decades. We have no way of knowing what tomorrow or the tomorrows after that will bring. But, today is ours.
And, the most wonderful thing is that it is always today! Seize it and live it to the fullest, just for its own sake—and yours.
May 4th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development |
4 comments
