Forgotten Bits and Pieces of Ourselves
A book about “discovering and recovering your creative self” is The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. I enjoyed it very much, although some aspects can be a bit much (referring to the reader’s creative side as ”your artist” frequently, and sometimes sounding a bit like ”The Secret”. )
However, it has some very interesting perspectives and certainly may encourage the reader to remove self-imposed and other-imposed mental blocks of any kind. It is essentially a twelve-week program for opening up your thinking and creativity as well as helping you gain confidence and creative energy–but you also can simply read it and use it in ways that help you.
Among the ideas presented are that we can benefit by opening our minds to things we have closed off or forgotten about for decades. The implication is that we don’t forget, we just close off. Through remembering we may remind ourselves of things we once wanted or wanted to be, we might come to a fuller appreciation of why we are as we are today, and we may, in some ways, begin again.
I’m not certain that is the result for most people who dig deeper than usual to remember details of their childhood. My experience has been that it often results in a bit of melancholy for most people, tears for a few, and some repressed bitterness, laughed away to keep from sounding like a whiner. All of those may be very useful feelings if they are accepted and dealt with and you move on. (It was a long time ago and you have had a grownup life of your own since then!)
Nevertheless, I recall that a psychologist friend of mine once told me that almost everyone—in spite of disclaimers to the contrary–has strong memories of childhood and enjoys talking about them. I told him at the time that I thought it was easier to talk about childhood memories than to think about them. So, you may want to read these to someone and take turns talking about your responses! (Some are questions to answer, some are sentences to complete.)
1. I remember one time when I was playing outside and having fun. I was………
2. How excited I would be when I found out we were having one of my favorite things for dinner! It was…………”
3. I remember this one really good time with my Dad. It was…..
4. I remember Summer days. Some of the things I remember are…………
5. When I picture me as a child I think of this time frame more than others……. I think this is why……
6. I remember this one really good time with my Mom. It was………..
7. I’m glad I’m an adult and don’t have to keep living like my childhood. That’s why I don’t……..
8. One of the best things about me now, got started when I was just a child. It’s this…….
9. If my childhood me were here right now, I’d want to give that child this advice……..
10. If my childhood me were here right now, the child I was would smile and be glad to hear about……….
Consider sharing these with your spouse, your own children, with coworkers or a friend. But do it with a focus on appreciation for the best things rather than melancholy about the worst. They’re not the whole you, just tiny bits and pieces.
March 25th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work |
7 comments
One extreme in supervision: to ignore or make excuses for inappropriate behavior or poor or problematic work performance. The other extreme: to jump to conclusions and react as though an employee did something wrong or nothing wrong, even before checking into the situation. That’s how supervisors lose their credibility and become resented or ridiculed by employees. It’s also how organizations lose the respect of clients and customers and how relationships are damaged.
There is nearly always time to fully investigate something that seems to be a problem or when you’ve heard a rumor or think you know for sure what happened. This also applies to us when we hear organizational rumors or if we hear that someone said someone said something about us, or when we make the assumption that something couldn’t possibly be true.
You will be especially tempted to jump to take action if you work around someone who tends to encourage that response. Instead, just keep saying, “Let me find out all the details before I decide what to do.”
I was reminded of this when I taught a class for sergeants and supervisors last week and I mentioned something a former Denver Chief of Police, Aristedes (Ari) Zavaras told me when I was put in charge of our Internal Affairs Unit. He was talking to me especially about the internal complaints the IAB conducted. He said,
“Sometimes you’ll hear something that sounds like someone committed an axe murder. Just make sure it’s investigated correctly. You’ll probably find out someone stepped on an ant hill. But, sometimes you’ll hear about something that seems like someone stepped on an ant hill. Make sure it’s investigated correctly because there might be a bloody axe hidden somewhere.”
Good advice for every setting!
Even if it seems obvious what happened because there were witnesses or you were standing right there or you know for sure, or someone you trusts knows for sure–talk to everyone involved and get their perspectives. Talk to the person directly involved and see that person’s viewpoint. Find out the facts, and take your emotion, ego–and knee–out of it. Unless it is an emergency, slow yourself down a bit. Not so much that you don’t seem interested or that you let it slide. Enough that you show your willingness to investigate before either excusing or accusing.
I can almost guarantee you will have plenty of reasons over time to be glad you showed restraint and kept your knee under control.
March 17th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Supervision and Management |
5 comments
Safety and Security Planning
for Places of Worship
UPDATE: Since I developed the document, How to Conduct a Safety and Security Assessment of a Place of Worship, it has been distributed on various sites including this one–and forwarded by many people to other congregations–to well over 5,000 places of worship of all sizes and in all settings. That is very gratifying!
I think one reason for the success of the document–a 95 page manual at this point–is that it presents a balanced view and is adaptable by any church. The price–FREE–is also good!
I’ve been asked several times about other information related to church security and I may develop something else. Time is the key factor, of course. But, if I do that, I’ll put a note on this site about it and let others know as well.
This is the original article I wrote about the document on assessing and it still is worthwhile to read.
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In the last week, since the tragic shooting death of a pastor in a Baptist church in Maryville, Illinois, I have received hundreds of requests for my material on the role of Greeters and Ushers in Church Security. (It puts the request for that document to over 3,000 on my site alone, and many other sites offer it as well. That’s an amazing story all its own.)
I’ve also received many requests to provide training or assistance about conducting assessments in places of worship. This morning I received three phone calls from media sources wanting to know about the consulting I do about church security. I’ve told them all the same thing: I make presentations and provide training about professional and organizational development, and I can help people develop and implement plans of any kind that will be effective. However, I don’t focus solely on church security planning as a business, although there are others who do. For example, Glen Evans is a trainer who has a very useful site at www.churchsecuritymember.com.
My message about security planning is always the same: The people who work in and use a facility are the best ones to assess it, and they can do it without hiring a consultant. It is true that they might need to use some resources to assist their efforts, and certainly an outsider provides some good perspectives. And, I’m not actively discouraging the idea of hiring a trainer or consultant. But, the important thing is to simply look at the church and its events and processes with the eyes of someone who might want to cause harm or create a problem, and consider how to keep that from happening and how to respond if it does happen. It is possible for anyone to do that, just as they can do it for their own homes–and they can probably do it better for their own homes than anyone else could do it.
I’m working, right this moment, on a document that will help church leaders and others effectively assess the safety and security of their places of worship and take action to make it more safe. When it is completed I’ll update this post and send it out to those who have requested the other document on greeters and ushers. In the meantime, those who are reading this can send a request for the new document and as soon as it’s done, I’ll send it. It’s free and I’m happy to provide the information.
In the meantime, I think it’s worthwhile to note that all the security planning in the world could not likely have prevented the situation in Maryville. That doesn’t mean security planning is futile, just that security planning doesn’t make people and places invulnerable. But, it can help limit the harm–as happened in Maryville through quick responses. And, effective planning can prevent crime, injury and disruption simply because of obvious preparedness.
Security planning can be as valuable as the plan, because it raises awareness and helps everyone realize their responsibilities.
Use the contact form to let me know if you want to be put on the list for the free document on how to assess the safety and security of a place of worship.
March 11th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
*Free Church Security Material--In Word Format, Life and Work, Safety and Security Planning |
23 comments
Make a habit of noticing your habits.
Behavioral and communication habits are often like tics–we do them as a spasm of movement or sound rather than on purpose. Repeated movement and vocal or sub-vocal habits are noticeable enough to others that they start focusing on those things. If you have a controllable habit that is distracting or irritating, you will do yourself and others a favor by eliminating it.
I want to be sure to emphasize that I am not referring to to tics that are neurological or psychological in origin. I’m strictly referring to habits that can be controlled–which refers to most of the habits we have, from twirling eye glasses while we talk on the phone to tapping out a rhythm with a pen, to squinting and making a weird face when we’re concentrating–and all the other habitual behaviors you can describe.
Even relatively benign words, phrases, sounds and actions become irritating after about three times in a few minutes or if it is noticeable every time you communicate. In an office setting or close work areas, repeated unnecessary behaviors and sounds can be tremendously distracting and can lead to anger and ongoing conflicts. Most of the time these can be controlled–although, as with any habit, it is not easy.
1. Purposely notice your own habitual behavior. Become aware of repeated actions. The moment you do some of the more typical habitual actions, notice it and see if you repeat it. If you do, make yourself stop. If you cannot stop on your own, you may have a medical or neurological issue that needs attention. Among those habits are repeatedly touching the face, hair or clothes, scratching, tugging on the ear lobe, nose, throat, neck, lips or hair, as well as all the vocal habits that can make others uncomfortable and frustrated with you.
2. Listen to yourself and monitor repetitious sounds, words and phrases. You should be aware enough of what you are saying to be able to notice when you are repeating something. Examples include words and phrases (like, Doh!, Awesome, OK, Ummmmmm , You know, and similar exclamations or space fillers) as well as sub-vocal sounds such as coughing, sniffing, snorting, lip smacking, nervous laughs or chuckles, or anything else that others hear you say or do repeatedly.
Here are some general guidelines to avoid habits that irritate others in a workplace (or anyplace else for that matter.)
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Keep your hands off your face, clothes and body unless it is absolutely necessary to touch, adjust or scratch something. If it’s necessary, do it then stop and don’t do it again. If it’s a real problem, leave the area and do what you have to do before you return.
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Don’t make unnecessary noises. Unless you are speaking in a purposeful way your noises, sighing, singing, humming, gum cracking or chewing or other sounds are not communicating anything positive.
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Don’t twist, wrinkle or screw up your face. Your face is what people are looking at while you talk. When you distort it or contort it habitually, you lessen your ability to communicate and leave a very unpleasant memory.
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Don’t move around without a purpose. Leg shaking, finger snapping, head movement, neck twisting and other movements are very noticeable and become nerve wracking to others very quickly.
3. Have a friend mimic you or tell you about your habits. I’ve mentioned this before and know it is difficult and not for the sensitive. However, it is one way to know what others are noticing about you. Ask a friend to help you by pointing out even the most seemingly minor habit or repetitious behavior. Your friend will probably assure you it’s not a real problem. But, if it’s noticeable enough to remember, it’s a problem.
4. Don’t make excuses for your distracting habits, just stop them. None of us like to admit that we have a distracting habit, so it is easy to try to reduce embarrassment by explaining it away to make it seem as though the other person is being hyper-critical. However, there really is no explanation the justifies being irritating, distracting or offensive to others, when it is within our power to control it–which is usually the case.
A supervisor habitually picked at the hair in his moustache. (Almost everyone with a moustache or beard habitually touches it and irritates the heck out of everyone else–which is why I don’t have one.) When his boss asked him to stop because several people at meetings had commented on how distracting it was, the supervisor said he knew it was irritating but it wasn’t really a habit. He explained that when he talked it tended to make the moustache hair get unkempt so he was smoothing it down and straightening it out. That is a pretty desperate excuse!
Even tics associated with Tourette Syndrome (TD), a neurological disorder, can often be treated with medication or self-management techniques to reduce the repetitive behaviors. If you do not have that kind of condition, you should feel grateful and resolve to show more control over the things you can control, since others may not have that good fortune.
5. Focus on positive methods and habits. If you can establish some positive habits they might help you replace the less effective ones. For example, an employee told me he had a habit of constantly humming or whistling under his breath as he walked through the office area and someone had commented on it. He replaced that with a focus on observing, smiling and talking to people or just walking silently with good posture and a professional demeanor. He said he never realized how habitual his humming or whistling had become, until he had to stop himself several times in one trek through the office!
The bottom line:When you communicate with others you are presenting yourself in a direct way. You want them to see you as positively as possible. When you are not directly communicating with others, you can still be observed and heard, and that sends a powerful message about you as well. Be purposeful about what you say and do. You will soon get over feeling self-conscious about it and you will develop more positive habits of posture, conversation, movement and expressions. Those are the kind of habits that make you a welcomed addition to any group.
March 2nd, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Assessment Centers and Interviews, Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers |
6 comments
