I mentioned to my daughter and son-in-law the other day that I wanted to dot my i’s and cross my t’s on something I did. Casey said, with profound seriousness, “What if there aren’t any i’s and t’s in what you’re writing?” I said OK, I would change that to “I want to put in the commas and the periods.” Shannon said, “What if it’s Haiku?” We laughed for several minutes at how we could annihilate that old bit of advice. (Hey, there was nothing on TV.)
Not long ago I wrote a post about how inaccurate some advice could be in every situation–particularly the advice to praise in public and reprimand in private. I have received many emails about that, some of them agreeing and some disagreeing. The ones who disagreed were all referring to the problem of “chewing someone out” in public, which I agree is wrong.
One of the people who wrote to me said his boss’s advice for everything is, “Never go over something you can go around.” He said his boss has that on his wall and quotes it often. However, that does not apply to all work situations. Another person said she had lived by a bit of wisdom for years, until she realized it no longer worked in her life: “People do not care what you know, until they know that you care.” She said she had observed that people who had high levels of expertise and were merely decent to others seemed to do just fine. She felt she had emphasized caring for people to the detriment of her own self-esteem and success. I can see her viewpoint.
This week I was teaching about conflict management and a supervisor talked to me after class. He said, “My manager says that most conflicts are six of one, half a dozen of another, and that each person has a justifiable perspective. I guess a serial killer has a justifiable perspective too, but I don’t see why we should mediate with him.” Extreme, perhaps! But I agree with his concept. Not all contentious situations have two contributors, at least not initially. (You might recall that in another post I said we contribute to our own misery when we fail to do anything about the problem.) So, to keep pushing that view, in spite of all evidence to the contrary, is insulting to someone who has genuinely been victimized, bullied or treated discourteously by a coworker.
The bottom line is this: Do not just grab a quote, adage, old saw, aphorism or bit of advice and run with it forever. Check it out and see if it fits the situation you are encountering. The fact that someone said it does not make it right. And the fact that someone who said it usually said smart things, does not mean everything he said is correct. For example, Samuel Johnson, who seemed to say thousands of smart things, also said, “No one but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.” However, I do not make a dime off my writing.
OK. Bad example.
July 30th, 2008
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development |
2 comments
Samuel Johnson, the venerable philosopher and Dictionary compiler of the 1700s, said,
“Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome.”
A modern way to say that is,
“You’ll never get anywhere if you wait for all the lights to turn green at once.”
I was talking this week to someone who is anxious to make changes in several aspects of her life. She was telling me how frustrated she was over not being able to get going with her improvement plans. She had bought a goal-setting workbook but was waiting to start it when things were better. Unfortunately, getting things better was her goal!
I certainly could not criticize her, or even advise her very well, because I have the same tendency. If things are not just right, I tend to not get started. However, the longer I wait for things to be just right, the more there is to do to make them right!
Today, think of the stop lights in your life–the people, situations and things that frustrate you, depress you, or make you wish you could move forward and get to someplace else. Or, the changes you want to make that require long-term action on your part. As my mother–and many other mothers–have advised about driving, “Sometimes it’s easier to make a bunch of right turns than one left turn across heavy traffic.” Just get going, in any way you can, and head toward your destination.
I know, I know, what you can do today is not enough to make things better. But maybe what you can do today is enough to keep it from getting worse. I also know that the little bit you can do today is not enough to get you where you want to go. But it will get you closer–and maybe that little bit will inspire you to go further tomorrow.
You will probably never find all the lights turning green at once. But if you keep moving, even in tiny increments, one day you will arrive where you want to be. Best wishes as you get moving and keep moving this week!
July 27th, 2008
Posted by
TLR |
Food, Fitness, Fun, Life and Work |
5 comments
The sounds of frustration: Have you had these thoughts when someone hasn’t done what you wanted or expected, or has not responded as you hoped?
“I should have known…”
“I don’t know why I tried….”
“I thought if I gave him one more chance….”
“Well, he did it again.”
“I wish just once, she would…..”
“Was that too much to ask?”
The value of Get real! At work and in personal relationships, we often add to our frustration and disappointment by expecting something from someone that experience and intuition clearly indicates is not likely to happen. Think about your last frustration, disappointment or irritation with someone you know well, work with or supervise. Was it completely unexpected? In fact, have you caught yourself fishing for a response that you know is not likely, so you can say, at least to yourself, “See the way she is?”
- If a friend or coworker has nearly always been uninterested in one or more topics that seem important to you, you will probably be hurt and frustrated if you try once again to get them to show some excitement about it.
- If an employee has repeatedly done work that is barely standard, you are setting both of you up for problems if you expect things to change dramatically for the new task you assign him or her. Unless you have done something to intervene and make a difference, you will probably not get different performance.
- If you have a boss who has rarely if ever said one word of appreciation for even your best work, you should plan on only a nod of the head when you get the big project done early–and be prepared to shrug away not even getting that.
- If you have never enjoyed collaborating with someone, don’t volunteer to work with that person in the hopes he or she will have changed. You haven’t, so why would he or she?
Few people are so attuned to you, and you to them, that they can be everything you need and want. You probably have friends who are great for one activity, but you call someone else for another activity. You work with someone who is the guru about one thing but not as knowledgeable about something else as another coworker. You supervise someone who is strong in one area but needs help in another–and you get them the help they need to improve. You don’t have it all, either!
The key point is this: You and I are being unrealistic to keep trying to get something from others that they are either unable or unwilling to provide. If we cannot tolerate the way they are, we should stop the relationship. But if we keep the relationship we must accept that the person will always essentially be the same as they are now. Without being fatalistic about it, we should try to keep the attitude that our friends and loved ones are as they are, just as we are as we are. There is no point in putting them to the test one more time to see if they are different today than they have been for the last ten years.
Far too many supervisors do nothing to help or require employees to improve, but continue to supervise as though every employee is able and willing to do every task. This is an unrealistic expectation that is doomed to problems. A supervisor’s main job is to provide the guidance, support, directions and clearly stated expectations, that will ensure good work. It also means you must provide enough oversight to ensure that behavior and performance are at the correct level. There is no point in merely observing so you can say with disgust, “See? He just can’t get his act together!”
Don’t set yourself up for frustration. There are some aspects of friendships and work that will probably never change. Employees can learn new knowledge and skills through training, but they will always have the same traits and personality. Friends may change some behaviors in order to show their caring for us, but they probably will always have the same intrinsic attitudes they do now–and will occasionally revert back to what is more comfortable behavior for them.
Use the team concept, even in your friendships. The value of a team is that each person has strengths that, when combined with the strengths of others, makes for the most effective work. Apply that concept even in your friendships. You know which of your friends can provide the different elements you need–do not expect them to be completely interchangeable. Also realize that the reason they have friends other than you is that you are not all they need either!
Do you know someone who has it all, all the time? If know someone who has it all, and thinks you do too–you are indeed fortunate! Express and show your appreciation every chance you get, be the best possible family member, friend, coworker, employee or supervisor you can, and don’t burn them out or use them up! One way to keep such great relationships going is to keep finding new things to share.
July 21st, 2008
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Supervision and Management |
2 comments
Professional groups and associations can have value.
If you are building a career and want to develop professionally you can benefit from becoming part of groups and associations that focus on your interests.
If you want to develop colleagues and friendships, membership in associations and groups can provide a professional community with which you can interact. Such memberships are also useful if you want to contribute to a body of knowledge and use that knowledge to improve your profession,
- You will be more likely to keep up with trends and training, as well as have access to conferences, seminars, and certification programs.
- If you attend meetings you can get information and make contacts that might be useful.
- If your group is primarily long distance, you may receive benefits of being part of the group without going to meetings at all.
- Your active participation can help you gain other skills.
- You may receive useful written material, magazines and books.
- Your membership may indicate a level of professional status that is beneficial.
- You can list your membership on resumes and discuss it in interviews, to show that you are staying current and active.
- You can represent your organization positively through your activities.
Some things to consider before joining a group or association.
1. Is there value in it for you, or are you only joining to say you are a member? Few groups are so prestigious that you should spend money or time unnecessarily. If you are only joining to have the membership on your resume–or a lapel pin to wear–think twice. I’ve never been aware of someone who was picked for a position or who scored higher on a process, simply because he or she was a member of the International Association of High Powered People, or some such thing.
If you really don’t want to join, but you are thinking about it because a very nice person wants to sponsor you–say no. Not, “Maybe.” Simply say, “Thank you for asking me, but I have so many other things to do I can barely breathe right now! I swear, even one more ounce of pressure and I’m liable to have a nervous breakdown just like the one I had last year. As it is, I sometimes feel like crying, I am so stressed about how much I have on my calendar and in my life. I hope you understand.”
OK. That might be extreme. But, you get the idea.
2. If you have to pay for it yourself might you consider it differently than if your organization will be paying for it? Just because you can get it approved does not mean you should spend the money. It smacks of being unethical to join a group merely to get an annual conference/vacation paid for by your organization. (As in the case of the person who joined, quit and rejoined groups based on where their international conferences were being held.)
There can be value in moving memberships between associations every year or two if you want to gain several perspectives or contact lists. You may find one is preferable and stick with it.
3. Are you joining mostly to get the magazine or to find out about training, rather than for interacting with people? If so, see if you can subscribe to the magazine without being a member. Or, check out the organization’s website regularly to find out about conferences or training. A magazine subscription is a lot less expensive than a full membership just to get the magazine!
4. If it is local, will you attend enough meetings to be a contributing member? If you don’t intend to participate, maybe you should not join. Or, join as an associate member if that is available. If you do not participate someone on the “Let’s Get Everyone Involved” Committee will contact you regularly about it–which is irritating to you and them both.
5. Will meetings and activities create more pressure in your worklife or result in work being affected? Even if you decide to join, it is not necessary to become the secretary, president or board member right away–or ever. Do not let membership create more pressure in your life. Rarely does the business of an association have a lasting impact on very many things. (A cynical, but true, statement!)
When it is time to quit a professional group or association:
- (If the group meets locally.) You dread going to meetings and welcome reasons to not go.
- (If the group does not meet locally) Months go by without you opening the mail from them.
- You resent the money you are spending–or you cannot afford it in the first place.
- You cannot list more than one or two things you have gotten from membership in the last year.
- You cannot list more than one or two things you have contributed in the last year.
- It has so little value to you that you would not put it on a resume or mention it in an interview.
Final thought: Research the groups or clubs that could benefit you in your professional development and consider joining them. They can have value in many ways. However, keep in mind that your time, money, energy and interests are limited. Only join groups that add to your professional development significantly. Look for groups where you enjoy other members and are proud to say you are part of it. Then, be an active member who not only gets something from the group, but gives back as well.
July 15th, 2008
Posted by
TLR |
Personal and Professional Development |
4 comments
About Praising
Praise what you want to have repeated. To praise someone means to commend them, congratulate them, honor them, extol their virtues, go into raptures over something they have done, or to strongly compliment them. Those descriptions set some high standards for what is praiseworthy! It also reminds us that there is a difference between thanking someone and praising them.
Ken Blanchard and Tina Lewis Rowe. Ken Blanchard wrote about the One Minute Praise in his books on the One Minute Manager concept. I teach about the Instant Impact Praise, which is praise that only takes a few seconds. Both Ken and I (If I had ever met him I am sure I would call him by his first name) point out that praising not only emphasizes what behavior and performance is valued, it also is a way of saying that the employee is valuable. That is what makes praise so effective.
Tips for praising in ways that mean more to employees and you:
1. Praise individuals. Telling everyone in staff meeting that you appreciate all they have done is appropriate. However, it will not have the same impact as communicating with each individual. If you have more than twenty people to praise, you may have to rely on mass compliments. If you have a smaller number, thank each person for his or her specific role.
2. Praise specifically. There are times when a general “good job” is sufficient, because the employee knows what you are talking about. Most of the time praise should be specific. For one thing, “good job” is not really praising, it is simply acknowledging in a rather tepid way.
3. Praise honestly. When a supervisor walks through a workplace, smiling and saying, “Good work!” to everyone, it dilutes the praise for those who really are doing a good job, and gives false approval to those who are not. Look for ways to praise to the appropriate level of accomplishment, and look for ways to recognize what is praiseworthy.
* Develop a Praise Phrase Vocabulary: Use the concepts that fit the work and the person, and praise high enough to show how valuable the work and the employee really is. “Wow! You’re really impressive in the way you handle an upset customer.” “That was exactly the way that project needed to be done.” “This report is a masterpiece of organization.” “You are certainly catching on to this assignment considering the short time you have worked on it. You’re doing the inventory just right.” “When I hear compliments from clients like the ones I heard about this program, I am so glad you work here!”
Don’t those sound more like praise, than, “Good job”? You need to say more than one sentence. But, even if you have to stop at that because of time or the situation, you will have really praised!
* Praise when it is merited, not just to be tossing out praise. Praise is a form of training, because it lets employees know what is valued, and encourages them to do it again. If you praise when work or behavior is not good, or if you praise in generalities when only one specific thing was good, you still are training–but not about the right things.
If you think you will never be able to praise an employee, because he or she is not very praiseworthy, consider these two thoughts: 1. Watch more closely and find something to praise–it nearly always is there. 2. If there really isn’t anything to praise, what are you doing about it?
Enjoy praising–it is one of the best perks of being a supervisor or manager.
Most coworkers do not praise each other. If they do, the praise is more like friendly support. When a manager or supervisor praises it often has more value to the employee–not always, but often. Praise individually, specifically and honestly, and it will brighten an employee’s day, and yours too!
July 10th, 2008
Posted by
TLR |
Supervision and Management |
5 comments
“These new kids!” Do you sometimes shake your head in frustration at the poor judgment and lack of maturity shown by newer employees, especially younger employees? Take heart, in a few years those employees will be shaking their heads too, and complaining about the “kids we hire nowadays.”
Not long ago I was teaching a group of new supervisors who had been working in their profession for only about six years, on average. One of them said, “These kids we’re hiring aren’t like the ones even a year ago. We’re getting them more immature all the time.” I suggested that perhaps he was getting more mature all the time. He vehemently said, “No, I’m not!” (His coworkers said he was telling the truth!)
What were you like as a fledgling employee? Supervisors and managers are correct to hold even the newest employees to high standards. However, sometimes it is wise to recall how we were as fledgling employees. Can you recall something you said or did that embarrasses you even now, to think about it? Have you turned out pretty well, anyway? So will most new and young employees, if we train them, support them and guide them–and correct them when it is needed.
The best kind of supervisory guidance. It is important to train employees in the competencies of the job, and to help them develop professionally by giving them opportunities for learning experiences. However, one of the best kinds of guidance we can provide is to help employees see how they can achieve much more personally and professionally–and how much more they can contribute to the organization and the team–if they work to attain emotional, mental and professional maturity.
In that context, some of the indicators are: Willing to take responsibility for one’s own success and for a role in the work environment, a desire to improve, adaptablity and flexibility, patience, perserverance and dependability, and expanding their thinking and perspectives.
Talk about that concept with each employee. Give them opportunities to gain and demonstrate maturity, and use the words that describe maturity when you praise them.
It took you a long time to mature–and you still are working at it. You still use poor judgment on occasion; you still behave inappropriately now and then; you still lose sight of the big picture and focus on your own personal needs at work. You also are always in the process of growing and maturing. That is true of every employee you supervise as well. Some mature more quickly than others and some never develop to full effectiveness. But, whatever their development, your age, tenure, experiences and job roles will probably always make you feel more mature than they are. In turn, they will view those with less tenure than them as the immature ones!
Your biggest reward. It can be very rewarding to watch employees get better at every aspect of their jobs and become more mature. What you will find even more rewarding is knowing you have helped in the process of development. That does not happen merely because you are a supervisor, it happens because you communicate about important things–and because you care.
Look around and identify those who need to mature so they can begin to achieve their potentials. See them as they can be, not neccessarily as they are. Then, help them become what you know is possible for them. Not all will live up to their potentials, but those who do will never forget you. Perhaps they will use your example to encourage them to guide others.
July 7th, 2008
Posted by
TLR |
Personal and Professional Development, Supervision and Management |
one comment
