Some questions about prickly people at work: Do you supervise someone you tip-toe around to avoid setting them off in some way?
Do you sometimes feel that you and the rest of your workplace are held hostage by one person who is incredibly difficult for others to work with?
Does it sometimes unnerve you? Aren’t you tired of it?
The employee who must be treated like a time bomb: I’ve written before about discourtesy in the workplace. In fact, that is a recurring theme of mine, since I hear so many complaints about it. However, this article is focused on the person who is challenging because he or she is hyper-sensitive to critique or suggestion–let alone criticism. Perhaps the employee cries or sulks or becomes angry and withdrawn.
The result is that coworkers and supervisors avoid the slightest hint of suggestion that something that person did or said should be done differently next time or could be improved. The difficult person becomes the only one who never hears a complaint or suggestion. No wonder he thinks he’s perfect! No wonder she is shocked at the slightest criticism! And, what often happens is that when a supervisor finally decides to say something he unloads on the employee in a way that makes things worse.
The difference between sensitive and punitive. I chose the photo for this article for a reason: The prickly tree does not need to be treated gently because it is delicate. It must be treated gently because it will punish you otherwise! That is also why we need to have heightened awareness of employees who seem to be over-the-top about their emotions, irritations and reactions.
You are not psychologist or psychiatrist, so you do not know whether the behavior is much more severe than it seems–not that psychologists or psychiatrists always know either! However, you are responsible for the safety and security of others, including the employee who seems to have trouble handling any critique. You are also responsible for enforcing rules and policies, and there are nearly always rules and policies about courtesy, respect and appropriate behavior.
There are reasons to be concerned. Last week in Kentucky, an employee who had been chided about his repeated cell phone use and for repeatedly not wearing safety goggles, returned to the workplace and shot and killed five people, including the supervisor, before committing suicide. Many similar events have occurred in businesses, industry and government offices around the country. Supervisors and managers are justified in being concerned about prickly people!
You probably will not have such a dire situation with your challenging employee, but I doubt that supervisor thought so either. You may think you know your challenging employee very well–you may even be friends. But, emotions and mental upset can result in actions you never expected. You certainly might have to deal with a lot of anger and bitterness.
Do your job and handle the situation. Do not let yourself get into the habit of allowing poor work or ineffective behavior because you want to avoid the upset that will result if you say something. Do not require other employees to tolerate bad behavior from a coworker because you do not want to deal with it.
Talk to HR, your psychological resources if available, and your managers, to let them know what you have planned. Follow organizational guidelines. For example, you may not be able to tell an employee it is his last warning if there was no first warning. You also need to find out what you can do if the employee reacts in a way that is a rules violation or becomes out of control. Can you place a formal disciplinary action about it? Can you require him to go to psychologist? Can you call security? Can you make him go home? Can you keep him out if he tries to return? Know in advance, even if you do not expect any strong reaction.
When you talk to the employee, do your best to make it a comfortable conversation. That might sound impossible, but make the effort. Do not put desk space between you. Sit at a table or in a conversational arrangement.
*Start by saying what you have observed, why it is a problem and what the employee must do differently in the future. Stick to observable behaviors, not what you think the employee thinks or feels.
*Remind the employee of rules or policies and say they will be enforced in the future.
*Keep it brief and do not preach or do excessive counseling, simply state the behavior that must stop.
*Consider following that with the approach of reinforcing what you want to see stay the same, then getting the employee to say back what he or she will do differently in the future about a sample situation.
*If you have organizational resources to recommend, provide those in a supportive way. Just do not let his problems become yours to solve.
There are many resources that can provide more lengthy information about handling difficult corrective interviews than I have space for in this article. However, you will do just fine if you stick with that formula of stating the behavior that is a problem, giving an example, and getting feedback about how it will be handled differently in the future. I’m not saying the employee will like it or thank you. But, at least you can get through it.
Get back to work. After the interview, quickly, quickly, quickly reestablish normal conversations and relationships. Assign work, thank him for a good job, be low-key but appropriate. Give him a chance to save face and move forward.
I have experienced several supervisory situations in my career where I halfway expected a very angry outburst or a sulky temper tantrum. I was correct in three cases. VERY correct in one case! In another case, the employee looked at me for a moment and said, “OK.” He never acted the same tyrannical, angry way again! If I had known it was going to be that easy, I would have talked to him much sooner!
Your situation will be unique and you must decide how it should be handled. However, do not feel foolish for thinking you have reasons to be concerned about someones hyper-reactions to criticism. There is ample evidence than such reactions can lead to more serious problems if they are allowed to continue.
June 30th, 2008
Posted by
TLR |
Safety and Security Planning, Supervision and Management |
7 comments
Most of us value those who have the mental and emotional strength to take responsibility and to be held accountable. We become frustrated and angry when there is a lack of accountability at the higher levels of our organization, or when those at lower levels seem to refuse to take responsibility.
Since those two issues are important for respect and confidence, let’s look at their definitions to get some clarity:
Responsible: Able to be trusted or depended upon; reliable. Liable to be required to give account, as of one’s actions or of the discharge of a duty or trust. Involving personal accountability or the ability to act without guidance or superior authority.
Accountable: Liable to being called to account; answerable, responsible for actions and results.
Hmmmm. It appears that responsibility and accountability are just about the same! If we are responsible, we can be held accountable. If we are held accountable, we were responsible.
There are two things to note about responsibility and accountability:
- Have you noticed that we tend to think of responsibility as a good thing, but being held accountable as punitive?
- It is nearly always easier to apply those concepts to the other guy than to ourselves.
We often brag (sometimes by pretending to complain) about all of our responsibilities and how the weight of everything is on us. But, if it looks like there will be negative comments, we are suddenly more than willing to share the responsibility: “Someone else was in charge! I barely was involved at all.”
We say we want our supervisors and managers to be held accountable. (”They never get in trouble but we always do!”) But, we condemn them for micromanaging or not trusting us, if they try to make sure nothing goes wrong. Think of that logic: “I want them to get out of the way and let me do my work. Then, I want them to be held accountable if there is a problem with the way I do my work.”
Communicating about responsiblity and accountability: As with most workplace issues, we would all benefit by more open communications about responsiblity and accountability. One way to do it is to use the words:
- “I want you to be responsible.”
- Make me responsible for it.”
- “I’m giving you the responsibility for this.”
- “You lived up to your responsibilities. Great job!”
- “This has to be done correctly because you and I will be held accountable for it.”
- “All of us will be held accountable for this, so I will be checking with you to make sure we are on schedule and that it’s going well.”
Notice how uncomfortable you feel even thinking about telling an employee he or she will be held accountable? No wonder many employees are shocked at the idea!
Noble weights: Responsibility and accountability can be burdens, no doubt about it, but they are noble burdens. (Noble: That’s a word we don’t use much anymore!)
We develop personally and professionally when we look for ways to be held responsible and when we are willing to be held accountable. That might require us to carry a heavier mental and emotional load than someone who has no sense of responsibility, or who avoids accounting for his or her actions. However, the weight of it will not drag you down. Ultimately it is the very thing that will help you stand tall in your work. You will gain strength, and that strength will show in your confidence and in the respect others have for you.
Maybe that is why those who shirk responsibility or who prefer to put it all on others, seem so small and puny!
June 26th, 2008
Posted by
TLR |
Personal and Professional Development, Supervision and Management |
4 comments
Jack Handey is the author of many Deep Thoughts that were popular on Saturday Night Live and in his books. They are absurd, introspective sounding statements that I find hilarious. One, from the book Deeper Thoughts, by Jack Handey: All New, All Crispy, (Hyperion, NYC, 1993) struck me as being apt for training situations I have encountered recently:
Instead of raising your hand to ask a question in class, how about individual push buttons on each desk? That way, when you want to ask a question, you just push the button and it lights up a corresponding number on a tote board at the front of the class. Then, all the professor has to do is check the lighted number against a master sheet of names and numbers to see who is asking the question.
Think about it a moment.
The desire to look innovative: I have noticed in the last decade or so, that training is often made more complicated than it needs to be, for the sake of appearing innovative.
- Good technology is overdone or not done effectively.
- Tables and chairs are dragged all over, even if participants cannot see or hear well, to make the set-up look less like a lecture room.
- Masking tape and flip chart pages are used for lists that mean little,
- Discussions between the students (or student presentations) fill more time that they are worth.
Both the learner and the trainer are distracted because of the efforts. On the other hand, I am also aware that some people who conduct training only know one style: Lecture all day without anything to aid learning, and that is not effective either.
A trainer’s workshop: I attended a workshop for trainers not long ago, in which the participants were straining to find interesting training methods and classroom technology. Most admitted they spent a lot of their own money to enliven their training programs. Many said they often relied on video clips to keep participants interested, and were seeking lists of good videos to use–often without concern for the topic, except in a general sense. The ideas for games, activities, visuals, seating arrangements, tricks and tips that were produced seemed endless!
I was reminded of the training I attended a few years ago where participants were told to write their questions on potatoes and leave them at the front of the room during break. Then, the instructor would toss the potatoes to other students for them to answer.
Yes, that really happened. Since it was a class of raucous people, you can imagine the results! No one wrote serious questions, and, shall we say, the potatoes were not always used appropriately.
Back to the workshop…The trainers said that in spite of the many creative methods they used, it was almost impossible to get and keep the attention of the participants for a half day or full day class. One trainer said, “They’re fine as long as we’re doing something fun or if they are moving around, talking and working on something at the same time. But, the minute I go back to explaining a vital process, I can tell they are restless and don’t want to sit still. Some of them spend most of their time text messaging while I’m teaching. ” (And these are adult learners who are being paid, I should note.)
Put the focus on learning: Many of my classes are multiple days or a full week, so I can certainly understand the challenges. However, I am convinced that trainers and training coordinators need to focus on learning, not solely on unique classroom experiences–unless those experiences absolutely increase learning. At the same time, managers and supervisors who arrange for training have to also focus on learning, rather than being overly impressed with the bells and whistles of a trainer who leaves many participants smiling, but without any new skills or knowledge or at least new thoughts.
Coming soon: In an upcoming article I am going to discuss some methods trainers (full-time, part-time and now and then) use to keep things moving along and keep students interested–and that genuinely aid learning. Look for that in the next couple of weeks. If you have ideas or tips, please let me know about them. You know how to contact me!
What must the learners do or be? In the meantime, if you are setting up training or going to conduct training yourself, focus on what the participants in your classes absolutely must leave the classroom prepared to do or be. That is the value of those pesky learning objectives you have heard about. Make those your priority. Training participants may prefer to be entertained or kept busy, rather than thinking or applying learning. However, they are usually there to learn something that is needed for effectiveness at work. Trainers should stop apologizing for training!
If your classroom seating arrangement, PowerPoint, overhead transparency, flip chart, video, visual aid, activity, game or discussion is only designed to make you look like a new-age trainer, but does not better prepare the learner to achieve the objectives, think twice about using them. You will save yourself a lot of preparation time and force yourself to consider your balance between the essentials and the extraneous.
June 24th, 2008
Posted by
TLR |
Personal and Professional Development, Technology, Blogs, A/V etc. |
one comment
Note: Thanks to all of you who responded to this post. I have several classes scheduled, including an experimental class that will allow participants to practice assessing. That ought to be interesting!
Keep in touch if your organization would like to host this or any other training.
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This is an unusual post for me, and those who are not involved in law enforcement will have to forgive me for it! You have noticed, I hope, that I do not advertise in this online journal. I want it to be a learning resource, not just a business opportunity for me. However, this information is about a learning resource, so I will beg your indulgence!
Police and Fire Department Assessment Center Training: I am considering presenting my Assessment Center preparation class (Professional Development Through Assessment Center Preparation) sometime in the next few months (July-September, 2008) but am not certain whether I should offer it in the Denver Metro area, or go outside the area to some other part of the state. Or, in some other state.
Let me know what you think: If you are seeking training and were not able to attend the last few seminars, or know someone who needs the class, contact me through Comments, the Contact Me section, or directly by email to let me know your interest and when your process is scheduled.
Who should attend and when: Anyone who thinks they will have a promotional process in the next three years should be preparing now. I’m serious! I find it so disheartening to have people want training when their process is only a few weeks or even a few days away. An Assessment Center measures your knowledge, skills and attitudes related to the job you seek. You cannot cram the experiences, opportunities, training, assignments and activities you need, into a few weeks or months.
You can ask almost anyone who takes a promotional process and they will say they wish they had started preparing sooner! You are not just preparing for the process, you are improving your skills for your daily work, then you will apply that to the process. If you know someone who should start now, or you know you should, do it and tell them about it. .
Could your department host a class? I am always happy to work with officers who have a training room and refreshments available, plus someone to assist me during the busy day. Perhaps that would be a way for you to get free training?
If you do not have time for the day of training, at least purchase my book from the publisher, Charles C. Thomas, or from Amazon, and send me an email to let me know how you are doing. If I can help, I will!
If you are new to the Assessment Center concept, you can read a bit more in a post from a few weeks ago by clicking here.
Best wishes to you, whatever you decide to do. But, if you would like some focused training on Assessement Centers, contact me about dates that might work. Maybe I will do a class in your area soon!
June 22nd, 2008
Posted by
TLR |
Assessment Centers and Interviews |
14 comments
Each of us conveys our personal enthusiasm, energy, and strength, through the things we say and do and our overall approach to life and work. People around us react and respond to us based on our actions–not our intentions.
There is nothing attractive, admirable, inspiring or compelling, about someone who is only existing without showing any spirit. On the other hand, we are sometimes overwhelmed and put-off by someone who is over-the-top in their enthusiasm. As always, we need to aim for the maximum that is effective–not less and not more:
Keep your spirit on simmer most of the time and boiling when it needs to be. You will present yourself to others in a way that is most likely to inspire confidence and admiration. You will also be able to sustain your energy and enthusiasm in a positive way.
Consider some of those you associate with as though each is a pot of water. (OK now, be nice!) Think about what you are seeing most of the time, regarding their interest in the people and events around them and their courage in the face of personal and professional challenges. Think about how you would describe the spirit of each one, then consider:
- Are they cold? Do they just sit there and exist, with little energy for others? Do they seem more focused inwardly than outwardly? Do they appear to not be involved mentally or emotionally in most things? Are their conversations mostly about themselves? Do they add very little warmth to any situation and have to rely on others to get things cooking ?
- Are they lukewarm? Do they make slight efforts to be and do more, but not enough to really have an impact? Do they only show the level of energy necessary to get by and satisfy supervisors or others, but not enough to really contribute on their own? Do they seem to only care about others when it is convenient for them? Do they require a supervisor to turn up the heat when work requires unusual energy?
- Are they simmering? Do they stay energized and enthused so they are always ready to boil when high levels of energy are necessary? Do they show they are involved, interested, and actively part of the people and events around them? Do they seem ready to go if their efforts are needed? Is their energy controlled effectively, so it is useful not stressful?
- Are they boiling? When matters are important, are they energized and enthused with a spirit of willingness to work? Do they use their high levels of energy in a way that provides positive leadership for others? Instead of being boiling mad, are they boiling glad? (Does that sound like Jesse Jackson, or what?)
- Are they boiling over? Is their energy and enthusiasm often out of control, so they create more problems than they solve? Are they so excessive that others do not hear their messages, even if they are worthwhile? Do they need to put a lid on it, and calm down a bit so they are more useful to everyone?
What about you? Think about the behaviors that led you to evaluate others as you did, and consider how you might be described. If you want to show that you have turned up the temperature on your spirit, consider these indicators of simmering-and-prepared-to-boil:
- Have an energized posture, stance, and stride. Look as though you have life in your life!
- Sound power-full and happy. Do not groan every time you get out of a chair, moan about work or home, or creak in protest over many things every day. All of those are dispiriting to those around you and to yourself. You do not have to be grinning all the time, just try to avoid excessive complaining. (If you are ill or in genuine pain and you cannot make it better, you are excused from this requirement! But only then!)
- Work with power and energy. Give everything your best, all the time.
- When you talk to others or do work, purposely demonstrate interest and enthusiasm. Do not flop into chairs, lean on every surface, slump through the day and/or have a droopy face that looks exhausted, miserable, bitter, sulky or unwelcoming.
- Avoid frustrating and irritating those around you by going to the other extreme with your bombastic style or your unfocused passion for life or work. Often the person who is bouncing off the walls with his or her specific passion appears to be motivated by ego. If you find you are being resented and resisted, ask someone you trust to tell you if your high energy manner is hurting you, rather than reflecting your spirit positively.
Keep your mind and spirit simmering all the time–and ready for a controlled boil when the heat is on!
June 20th, 2008
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development |
7 comments
Almost all of us attend meetings at work–although we may not call all of them that because meetings do not necessarily involve sitting at a conference table. Think of a meeting as any time you gather with coworkers in a work setting.
- A quick huddle with coworkers or peers, related to a specific work situation.
- A short, planned conversation with people in or out of your group, or with your manager or those you supervise. These are the impromptu meetings that can wreck a day if they are not used wisely.
- A regularly scheduled meeting. These are usually the ones that are viewed most negatively, although they will probably always be necessary. There seems to be a human resistance to the idea of structured meetings–but you can respond at least a bit differently than that, if you choose to do it!
- A social gathering at work. (Birthday or other recognition party.) These are as important for your influence and reputation as any other meeting, as well as giving you a chance to focus on others.
Here are ten ways to demonstrate effectiveness when you attend a meeting:
1. Plan for it. When you get the notification, even if it is short notice, consider what you might be able to contribute or what you are expected to discuss. If reading material is attached, read the material so you can effectively discuss it from the very beginning–and so you are not skimming through it as others are talking.
Consider contacting the person planning the meeting to ask if you can help get things together or do other pre-meeting work.
This is the time to invite a coworker or direct report (subordinate) if the meeting is open to guests. Many of your meetings may only be for those who were specifically invited, but others are open to those who have a logical reason to attend. This subject was mentioned in a post just last week.
2. Maintain a positive attitude. Keep in mind that few people call a meeting unless they think it is justified–whether you think it is or not. Try to see the purpose of the meeting from that person’s perspective. If you have any control at all over it, perhaps you can suggest another format. If you do not have any control over it, simply accept that it is part of your work and do it.
Never, ever, ever, groan to someone, “I have to go to a meeting tomorrow morning (grimace, frown, whine).” It makes you sound like a victim or a beat-down subservient employee, not a strong individual. No matter how you feel, resolve to talk and act as though you have a leadership role in all of your work. If the meeting is a social meeting–birthday, retirement, baby-shower or other celebration–show good cheer about it just as you would want others to do if the event was in your honor.
3. Arrive a few minutes early. Help those who are setting up the room or distributing material, or use the time to review the material to be discussed. The person who called the meeting will likely be there and will appreciate your punctuality. If it is a social function there are always things to do at the last minute and your help may be invaluable for getting started on time.
4. Sit close to the person who called the meeting. Unless seats are assigned or if you will be sitting with an employee or coworker you have brought, be purposeful about your seating. By sitting near the person who will be central to the meeting, you are more likely to be involved. You also will be less likely to become lethargic as time goes on! You demonstrate your interest and leadership by not being one of those who slink to the back of the room or get as far away from the center of the discussion as possible.
5. Be an active participant throughout the meeting. From the moment the meeting starts until it ends, purposely work to stay active by talking and listening appropriately. Pretend each person there has a rating sheet on which they will evaluate your demeanor and effectiveness. You never know when their mental evaluation will be important to your career or to future support you receive from them.
Be aware of your waning energy as the meeting continues. Purposely reenergize your attention for each person who contributes, even if you have run out of patience and interest. They are probably nervous and will appreciate your support–and may have something to say you need to hear.
If it is a social function, mingle and chat. Do not stand off to the side or with a small clique of people, refusing to participate. Make sure you talk to the honoree(s). Those actions are noticed and appreciated by many others, especially if you are a supervisor or manager.
During the event consider contacting the person who is responsible for the function and ask again if you can help. You can often identify the person responsible, even if you do not know for sure, because she (or occasionally, he) is busy from start to finish!
6. Talk, if you have something worthwhile to say. It is crucial that meeting participants talk effectively about topics under discussion. Meetings that are considered failures are often actually failures of inviduals to contribute. In addition, having everyone sit silently is discourteous to the person who is asking for input.
Among the things that are worthwhile for you to talk about:
Information that is needed by the others.
A new perspective that might make a difference.
Support for someone else if it appears they need it.
Disagreement, when it is important to present another view.
If you have something on the topic that you want to talk to someone about after the meeting, maybe you should say it in the meeting. There is nothing more frustrating to a meeting leader than hearing everyone who did not discuss the topic when their ideas could have helped, animatedly talking about it to others as they leave the room!
What is usually not worthwhile: Off-topic comments; redundant comments that do not move the meeting along; comments made primarily to sound impressive or to deflate others; insincere support of others to win their favor, inappropriate humor that stops the momentum.
When you talk, look at everyone now and then not just at the person who called the meeting or at your manager. Make a sincere effort to share inclusively.
7. Listen actively. Look at people when they talk. Do not show your dislike or lack of support or interest by doodling or reading while others are talking. Pay attention to each person as if they were the highest ranking person in your organization. Ask questions if you sincerely have them. Keep your body turned toward the person talking until they are done.
This same advice applies in social meetings. You have probably chatted with someone who acted as though he or she was looking for someone more important to talk to. You know how that feels. Show interest in everyone, then disengage and move to someone else if that is necessary.
8. Limit your note-taking. This may surprise you, but it is a key issue. Most meeting attendees take notes to stay busy–and often to avoid participating–but they never refer to the notes again. Only write key information you know you will not remember, or not have access to otherwise. Put your pen down between notes, so you can show through your body language that you are listening and involved.
9. Help the leader during the meeting. Sometimes the person who calls a meeting is not adept at leading one. Help by working to keep things on topic; ask questions to move things along; mention the time, if it appears there is a lot to cover and little time left. This must be handled appropriately and sensitively, of course, but can be very helpful to everyone, including the leader.
If the leader obviously does not want or need your assistance, no matter how badly things are going, at least you can be the one who does not contribute to the worst of the issues. More than anything, avoid the not-so-subtle eye rolls or glances at friends who share your opinions about a person or issue.
10. Write a follow-up note to the leader (and to others when appropriate.) A short email after a meeting is always appreciated, no matter what the purpose of the meeting. You might write to indicate your plans for further action, or simply to thank the person for setting up the meeting or hosting it in his or her office. Or, you may have an additional question or have found new material on one of the topics discussed.
For a social meeting, it is always appropriate to send a short note to to the honoree and to those who helped put the party together. Such functions involve tremendous work and often no one says thank you–you can be the one!
For either business or social functions, find out who paid for the refreshments, if you know they were not provided by the organization, and give some money to that person–at least a few dollars if you can afford it. The gesture will be appreciated much, much more than you realize!
You may have other ways you demonstrate effectiveness, or things you have observed that have impressed you at meetings. Let me know about those, if you have the time!
June 17th, 2008
Posted by
TLR |
Personal and Professional Development, Supervision and Management |
5 comments
