There are many workplaces where employees, supervisors and managers devote 50% of their time to work and 50% to dealing with the obnoxious, frustrating, divisive or weird behavior of one or two employees. If you are in an office like that, how long are you going to put up with that situation?
If you are a peer: Let the coworker know, in an appropriate way, when you are frustrated, angry or concerned about the behavior. Then, as with a bad-acting child, withdraw your support until the behavior improves. That doesn’t mean ostracism from work, but it does mean not pretending to support or be friends with someone who treats others badly, just to avoid being a victim yourself. Be civil, be courteous but don’t be a tolerant pal.
If the behavior is having an effect on your work and you have tried to handle it directly–and in a courteous effective way–document the behavior, witnesses if any, and the effect it had on you and the workplace, and submit it in writing. If nothing is done at least you are no worse off–and there will be documentation. You should talk directly to your manager as well. But, if you don’t put it in writing, it often is seen as merely griping, not requesting action.
If you are a manager or supervisor: Although I advise the coworkers of rude or difficult employees to put their complaints in writing, they shouldn’t have to do that if you are an observant and concerned manager or supervisor. When you know there is a problem, it’s up to you to do intervene without being pushed into it.
Stop bad behavior when it first starts–not after it’s habitual. If it’s already gone to that point, talk to HR or others who can help you ensure you are approaching it correctly. Then, talk to the employee directly about what you have observed and the reasons it should stop and change. Be able to say what behavior and performance you want to have stay the same, what the employee should do more of and what the employee should never do again. Don’t weasle about that–be direct and adamant.
There are a variety of ways to intervene, to correct and redirect and to restore the employee back to the team, but they all start with stepping up and stopping the bad behavior.
How long are you going to put up with it?
June 30th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Personal and Professional Development, Supervision and Management |
5 comments
You can be as brave as you make-believe you are, according to the lyrics of the song about whistling a happy tune so no one will suspect you’re afraid. That kind of acting is useful in many settings. Try it for a full day–then make every day Academy Award worthy until effectiveness is a habit.
- •You’re busy on the computer when someone comes to your work area, clearly wanting to discuss a work concern. For at least a few minutes, act as though you care more about that person’s concern than about anything else. At the end of the time, when you are easing them out so you can get back to work, act as though you regret having to do it.
•You walk through an office area and see the resident grouch, the office gossip and the guy who seems somewhat weird. Act as though you sincerely are happy to be working with each of them and that any problems that exist will be worked out soon.
•You’re a supervisor or manager who has had an unhappy discussion with your boss. A direct report asks you how the conversation went. Act as though you are strong and capable person rather than a victim of an ogre.
•You have called a meeting to discuss something that can best be discussed in that setting. You feel that many of the attendees don’t like you and don’t want to be there. Act as though you and they have a great relationship and that you are comfortable with the give and take of the meeting. When the meeting is over, say goodbye graciously and act as though you are simply going back to work–not escaping from The Ship of Fools.
•You’re in that situation again–you know the one. It’s the one where you don’t present yourself well because you seem to always let your emotions, frustrations or ineffective communication habits get in the way. Act as though you are a professional, self-controlled person who can work well with a wide range of people and who can be effective no matter what.
You have probably acted better than you felt in many situations, so none of these will stretch your thespian skills too much. It’s OK to sometimes act as though you like people more than you actually do. It’s OK to sometimes act as though you are interested in what someone has to say, even when you aren’t. Those things are all about courtesy, sensitivity and interacting effectively.
The next time you’re ill, upset, depressed, angry, hesitant, repulsed, unsure or frustrated, try purposely acting as if you are being used in a DVD series as an example of an effective person in that setting. How would the most effective person talk, sit and walk? What would be their demeanor? What would they do to clearly show their leadership and dependability? How would they respond to provocation? Then, get into character and act as though every effectiveness trait is yours. (However, remember this: There is only one take on the scene.)
Don’t worry about not being your real self or not being authentic or honest enough. Most of us would benefit from not being our real selves now and then! Besides, you won’t seem phony, you’ll just seem focused on effectiveness–and over time you’ll act that way less and be that way more.
Scene 14,749. Lights! Cameras! Action!
June 28th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development |
3 comments
William C. Doren and Janice Waller McKinney died yesterday. I don’t know those two people, I only know they were part of the approximately 6,700 people in the United States and 155,000 people world-wide, whose lives came to a close yesterday–along with Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson.
The inevitability of that event for all of us reinforces the lines of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow in his poem, The Psalm of Life. This is the portion I thought about today:
FROM THE PSALM OF LIFE
…Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.
Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;
Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.
Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.
There are many things about life and death that we can’t choose. However, we can choose whether our march is purposeful and cheerful or indecisive and sluggish–and whether we are still achieving and pursuing or still dragging our feet and complaining, right up to the end of the journey in this earthly life. What tempo is the beat of your muffled drum?
June 26th, 2009
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TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development |
7 comments
The Value of Categories
In the right side column is supposed to be a list of topic categories, similar to an index, to allow readers to find all the articles on that topic. My list includes:
Personal and Professional Development
Supervision and Management
Safety and Security Planning
Life and Work
Assessment Centers and Interviews
Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers
Training and Technology
Food, Fitness and Fun
I never realized the importance of that list until it disappeared. (It’s a code problem and will be fixed soon–it may be fixed by the time you read this.) Not having it reminded me that, like you, I have several areas of interest, knowledge and skills and each of those may appeal to different people for different reasons–or some people may find none of them appealing.
Yesterday a church leader told me he had looked for church security material on this site, but only found the article on this first page and didn’t realize there was anything more. (The Category column would have directed him to several articles.) A couple of days ago I recieved an email from a police sergeant who wanted to know how to find something on Assessment Centers in all the articles on the site. Categories would have certainly benefited that reader. The thing that has concerned me most is that without a category list a reader would not know the range of information he or she could find here. They might look at the six most recent articles shown on the home page and not realize there is information on other topics available.
The categories of your personal and professional life. How many categories do you have in the list for your life? If someone really gets to know you, how many interests would that person find? At work, in how many categories do you have expertise? Do you think it’s preferable to have a narrow focus, but with tremendous expertise, or a wide range of interests with a smattering of knowledge about each, or a mix?
Is it time to change your Category list? Make a list of the categories of thoughts, activities and interests that comprise your life. Are there some of them you should remove? Are there some you can combine with others? Are there some you’d like to add? Have you ever changed your life so much that many of the categories changed too?
I’m thinking about those things as I wait for the Category list on this site to return. The next list may look different than the last one.
June 24th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development, Training, Technology, Blogs, A/V etc. |
4 comments
I bought an old book of quotations the other day–apparently unread. Most books that have been read even once have a slightly relaxed spine. Those that have been read many times show wear on page edges and the spine is very relaxed. This one looked new in every way, except for slight browning of the page edges on one side–indicating it had not been exposed for long to the sun or artificial light. Inscribed on the inside cover of The Book of Noble Thoughts are these words:
To Chet, on his Graduation Day. Always remember I love you very much. I pray in years to come, no matter where you are, you will keep a place for me among your “noble thoughts.” With all my love, Chet.
Forever, Jennie. June 11, 1947
That fascinated me! It sounds as though Jennie loved Chet but realized he didn’t love her. Probably this was a college graduation, so I wondered what he did with his life–and what happened to Jennie. I doubt they got together or the book would have been read. Did he keep the book even though he didn’t read it–and it was sold to a used book store after his death? Was he embarassed by Jennie’s words and left the book behind in the dorm, where it was stored and unread for decades? Did he resent Jennie writing about her love for him when the love affair was over, so he tossed the book in the stuff he brought home from college and it sat in his parent’s basement and later his own basement, before finally being taken to a thrift store?
Jennie’s Notes
On page 37 of the book was a thought by George Borrow, an author from the early 1900s who wrote about his life as a traveler.
Follow resolutely the straight path before you. It is that of your good angel.
Let neither obstacles nor temptation induce you to leave it.
Bound along it if you can; if not, on hands and knees follow in it; perish in it if needful.
But you need not fear that–no one ever yet died in the true path of his calling before he had attained the pinnacle.
Jennie had written on that page: “This one is for you, Chet.”
On page 52, Jennie wrote: “This reminds me so much of you, Darling!” She was referring to a thought from Victor Hugo:
He who every morning, plans the transactions of the day and follows out that plan, carries a thread that will guide him through the labyrinth of the most busy life. But, where the disposal of time is surrendered merely to the chance of incidents, chaos will soon reign. Order prevents a darting mind with its distractions and diversions, and gives in its place a sureness of purpose and thought that brings calmness and confidence.
On page 60, she underlined one part of a quote from Robert Donlevy:
Do not be discouraged if you must climb a mountain to reach your heart’s desire. The view will enchant you to atone for your labors.
A Pleasant Fiction
Maybe Chet valued the book so much he treated it gently and never broke the binding or thumbed the pages, so it stayed pristine. Maybe he couldn’t bring himself to give it away but was afraid it would be seen by others, so he kept it in a locker in the attic. Maybe, after a long and happy life with someone else, he sold everything and moved to a lovely retirement community–and found Jennie living there too. Maybe they hold hands while they walk in the park, and they talk about how glad they are to have found each other again. I hope so–and that’s what I’m choosing to believe.
June 21st, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work |
9 comments
Bluetooth technology, headsets and speaker phones have made it possible to talk on the phone while reading, word processing, eating, walking, driving or just about anything else. But, it very often sounds incredibly rude.
Reading email and commenting on it while talking to someone else.
“Yes, I agree that we should probably reschedule that for next….WHAT THE HECK? Why are they sending me THIS? ……………………I’m sorry, I was looking at an email I got from Dave and his crew. They’re always copying me on things I don’t need. It’s nuts!………..Yeah, I think we should reschedule that.”
Eating while talking on the phone.
”We were trying to (chomp, chomp, chomp) get that done in time for the (indistinguishable), but I (chomp, slurp, slurp, chomp) don’t think we’ll have it. Is that a problem? (chomp, sip, crunch.)”
Browsing the Internet and not listening to the caller.
Traci: I’ve interviewed both of the employees but it seems they each have a different story. It’s so frustrating!
Joe: (silence)
Traci: Are you there?
Joe: Oh! Yes, yes I’m here. Hey, awhile ago you mentioned the problem you were having with opening that file….I just found a website about it. It says you should probably close other programs before trying to download the file.
Working on email.
Roger: I just wanted to give you a heads up about the plans.
Maria: I’ll…….be……..sure…….to…………………………………..get…… (click) those done.
Roger: Am I catching you at a bad time?
Maria: No, no that’s fine. I was just sending an email to Bill and had to attach a file. Now, run that by me again.
Doing something that requires you to talk to someone else while on the phone.
“Hi Craig! How are you? I wanted to ask you if we could use the conference room to……just a minute…..A LARGE SLAMBURGER, DIET COLA AND SUPER SIZE THE FRIES PLEASE!……Sorry, I’m getting something to eat. Anyway, I was….just minute……YES, DIET COLA. THANKS! ….anyway, I was wondering if we could use the….ohhhh, just one more minute, I’m sorry, I’m almost done with this……I DON’T NEED THE PENNIES BACK. THANK YOU!…OK, I’m done now (slurp) so, anyway, can we use the conference room?”
A communication and courtesy challenge: Challenge yourself–if it’s a challenge—to keep your hands off the keyboard, stop browsing the Internet, stop reading and sending email, stop eating, stop sounding preoccupied and only halfway paying attention, stop commenting on things apart from the phone call. Focus on the conversation, both talking and listening. It’s Communication 101. It’s also Courtesy 101.
June 13th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development, Service to Customers, Clients and Coworkers, Training, Technology, Blogs, A/V etc. |
9 comments
PowerPoint and similar presentation programs can be excellent ways to illustrate key points in training or even in short presentations, so this is not a plea to stop using them. If each slide is prepared with care and intention, PowerPoint or similar presentation programs can add tremendously to the learning experience–it is mis-use and high quantity but poor quality that gives them bad reputations.
Instead, I want to remind you to now and then use the B Key on the keyboard or the similarly magic button on the remote presenter. Those will give you a blank screen.
On the keyboard you can get a blank screen without illumination by hitting “B” . (You can get a white screen that is illuminated–and glaring–by hitting “W”. However, this is not as effective as the blank screen.) On your remote presenter there is usually one button that takes the screen to blank–find it before you begin your presentation. To return to the slide, click the same button or hit “B” again.
You can also make a blank screen by simply inserting a new slide but not putting anything in it. However, since it will probably have the same color scheme or template as the other slides, the class will assume you will be showing text or an image at some point and they’ll wait for it mentally. In addition, since it is a regular slide, the projector light will continue to glare and it won’t work well to stand in front of the screen or walk between the projector and the screen. Use the “B” key or the button on your remote presenter for much better results.
When to use a blank screen.
- When you know you will be speaking about the material on a slide for several minutes and the visual reference isn’t needed, go to a blank screen. (If you will be moving into a new topic, make a blank slide and click to it before going to the blank screen. That way when you click again you’ll open to the clear slide and can advance to the next one without having old material still showing. It’s not difficult!)
- If you don’t have slides to illustrate a topic or segment go to a blank screen. Challenge yourself to find ways other than slides to illustrate or emphasize points.
- Go to a blank screen as you discuss a new topic. Then, at the last of that segment use a slide. It’s a surprisingly effective way to regain attention as you summarize information.
- When you have something that is so important you want the full attention of the group, go to the blank screen and move center stage as you interact more personally.
- Go to a blank screen right before you announce break time, to indicate that a topic is closed momentarily and everyone can relax mentally and physically.
- If someone asks a question, go to a blank screen as a way to say, “I’m listening to you and I want everyone else to listen as well.”
- When you want to show that you are comfortable as a speaker and presenter and don’t need slides to keep things going, go to a blank screen as you ask questions, respond to comments, tell an anecdote and in other ways fulfill your role as a trainer or speaker.
When you have a blank screen use it as an opportunity to stand in front of the screen for a change. Put the remote presenter down and see how nice it is to have your hands free. You’ll discover that audiences are more impressed with the blank screen now and then than they are with one slide after another. The fact that I sometimes go to a blank screen is often mentioned positively in my critiques. (I refuse to think of that as a comment on the alternative!)
Blank screen moments. The next step is to purposely plan blank screen moments in your training. Make a note in your lesson plan or workbook, to remind you to go to a blank screen when you want to be sure to have no distractions as you ask a question, share an experience or segue from one training topic to another. Don’t just look for those moments, create them. Blank isn’t bad–in fact it can be very good!
June 6th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Training, Technology, Blogs, A/V etc. |
8 comments
Try Straight Talk
Many of the problems at work and elsewhere could be reduced dramatically if people would tell the truth in appropriate ways. Instead, problem solving is stalled by those who hint, pretend to joke, talk in round-about ways or try to avoid having conflict.
I’m not talking here about the oft-mentioned Abilene Paradox, in which people think their ideas are not in alignment with the group, so they don’t speak up. I’m talking about what is essentially deceit, wishy-washiness and lacking character and courage. And what’s worse, many people will complain, worry and moan after the fact–when they had the chance to do something constructive, face-to-face with someone.
It isn’t necessary to blurt unnecessary truths just for the sake of doing it. And, “in your face” confrontation is not effective either. It is also true that some things are not worth confronting, even if they could be corrected. (If that’s the case, don’t complain about it to other people!) However…
If something is weighing on your mind,
If you want to say something about a problem,
If you wonder what someone meant,
If you are confused about instructions or directions,
If you have an appropriate thought or feeling you want to express,
….just do it, in a courteous way that seeks to find the truth and works within the situation. You will also save a lot of time that way–and you will get to the core of problems, rather than dancing all around them.
Look for these times when you need to say what needs to be said:
- You wonder what someone meant by a remark they made.
- You don’t understand the directions you were given.
- You don’t agree with what was said or done.
- You have a feeling that you want to express.
- You don’t want something to happen again.
- Someone is lying or purposely trying to mislead, and you know the truth.
- You and others have complained behind someone’s back about their actions.
- You wonder what someone else is thinking about a situation.
In non-conflict situations, straight talk may simply mean asking questions to understand what someone meant, finding out about what is confusing you or stating your true opinion. In situations of conflict, it may mean owning up to your frustrations and irritation and telling someone what is bothering you and why. For a supervisor it may mean speaking directly to correct problems rather than hinting around about them. For an employee it may mean asking a supervisor about how work is going and what is needed for improvement, rather than wondering and worrying or being angry over an evaluation but not finding out more about it.
It’s called communication, and it should be as open and honest as professional situations and sensitivity allows.
If the person you need to talk to is higher than you in the organization, you may be limited in what you can say–but you still can seek to clarify an issue or express a feeling. If the person is a peer, you should be courteous and professional–but if something needs to be said–say it. You’ll feel better about it and you can get a subject cleared up and out of the way much more quickly.
Say what you mean and mean what you say–it will save a lot of time, and in the long run it will improve relationships, your reputation and your effectiveness.
May 26th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Personal and Professional Development |
10 comments
I love Denver! It’s not perfect (what large city is?) but it’s a great city in many ways!
For one thing, there are few large cities that are so clean, especially downtown. In addition, few have such a low crime rate in the downtown area. We have a small downtown, compared to some that seem to spread all over the place. You can walk the central part of it–16th Street–easily.
Unlike many large cities, Denver is alive almost all night long! It’s fun to walk the 16th Street Mall at night–and feel safe. At 11 p.m. it’s as busy as it is in the daytime, but with an atmosphere of fun.
Denver also has wonderful communities, excellent cultural opportunities, fun activities, theatre and concerts and everything else you could want in a city, without most of the things that are less attractive.
We don’t have slums as they are seen in some other urban areas; we don’t have scandals and unethical government officials (that we have found out about, anyway!) I think we have an excellent mayor, John Hickenlooper (what a name!) who has tremendous business-sense in a time when that is needed. Overall, I just love this place!
If you live in the area and haven’t visited downtown lately, do so. Take RTD Light Rail from an outlying area to avoid the pressure of driving and parking. (Kids love the Light Rail experience.) Or, drive if you must and then park and walk. Promise you won’t complain incessantly about parking fees–you’ll ruin the evening!
Do something special–dinner, a play or shopping. (There are scads of restaurants in Downtown Denver!) Or, just get a cup of coffee and walk the mall. During the day go to the Denver Museum of Science and Nature. Visit the zoo. Go to the wonderful Botanic Gardens, near downtown. Walk the area between the City and County Building and the State Capitol. Take photos. Have fun in a truly enjoyable downtown and near-downtown area.
Get to know Denver–it’s a great city!
May 21st, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Food, Fitness, Fun |
6 comments
At the risk of sounding like a school marm, I’ll mention Gresham’s Law. It is an economic theory that bad (debased) money will drive out good money. I think it also applies to communication. Some people use so much junk communication that they have diminished their ability to write or speak in a way that is effective, persuasive or that shows depth of thought.
I define junk communication as catch-words and phrases that circulate widely and are considered witty or thought provoking, but that do not show any intellect or originality. My view is that they are appropriate among friends as conversational fillers or quick ways to express a thought or get a smile. But, they are not appropriate for thoughtful communication–and certainly not in a professional setting.
The issue isn’t that these are horrible on their own (although some are!). It’s that using them to excess prevents you from communicating in a real sense. And, frankly, they put you at the communication levels of those with whom you probably do not want to be equated. Off-set the occasional use of them by ensuring that most of the time you express yourself at a level that represents you in the most positive manner. And never, never use them because you think they will make you sound “with it”. They won’t.
Let me give you some examples. Some of these were contributed by business people in a class last week, others are from friends or gleaned from my own experiences.
- Wassup? (That’s an old one that is still being used, unfortunately.)
- What’s up with that?
- Hel-lo?????
- Whatever. (This is what the young man at the hotel desk said to Russell Crowe, that caused him to throw the phone. I don’t blame RC–as his other friends and I call him.)
- As if. (This is close to the Not!!) of twenty years ago.
- That made me vomit in my mouth a little. (To indicate how gross a comment was–as though that comment isn’t gross.)
- I almost spit out my coffee! (To indicate how funny a comment was. This is very popular with those who write on forums.)
- Things that make you go hmmm. (A phrase designed to indicate the writer or speaker is pointing out something interesting.)
- OMG!!!!! (This, along with all the other instant messaging and text messaging initials, has had a tremendous–and I think, negative–impact on communication. Some people even say the initials. In the last week I have had people say, “OMG!” and “LMAO!” I can understand saying, WTF? But, since it isn’t very soul-satisfying to say it that way, you might as well forget it.
- Fugget it. Or, fugget-aboud-it.
- Get over it. (You might say this behind someone’s back, but you’ll never get good results if you say it directly to someone.)
- What a beyotch. (The word beyotch, as a way to say the bad word better, doesn’t sound any better.)
- Sooooooooooooo (whatever the next word is): Sooooooooooo funnyyyyyyy! Soooooooo saddd. Soooooooooo sorrrry.) I thought I was the only one who received business messages with “soooooooooo” in them. Last week several people commented on how much like a teenager an adult sounds to write it like that in a business email. I agree!
- My bad. (This vague apology is often said with a tone that implies, “but it’s not really important.” It isn’t interpreted as a sincere apology.)
- You go girl. (Another catch phrase that is sooooooooooo last week.)
- Chill. (I don’t care for this word even when it’s used to mean, “Be cool.” But, in the last month I’ve heard it used by professional level people to describe someone who is calm, flexible or in control, or used to be. “He used to be so chill and now he’s a PITA.” “Don’t worry. He’s chill.” I asked the person who used that last phrase, why he would use it in a business setting. He looked perplexed and said, “My kid says that all the time. You know what I meant.” The fact that I could figure out what he meant didn’t make him sound intelligent to be talking like a twelve year old.
- Awesome!
- It’s to die for. (Really? You really would die for that salad? Or that dessert? Really? Why not say, “It’s good enough to die for”?)
Yes, I use some (not all) of these catch-phrases myself now and then, and I know you probably do as well. But, let’s recognize them for what they are and what they are not. They are not communications that allow us to build relationships by sharing our thoughts. They don’t substitute for genuine questions or expressions of concern or appreciation. They don’t demonstrate that we are well-read and able to express ourselves in an interesting manner. They don’t inspire respect or confidence from others. Like junk food, they have their purposes–but should be limited and not habitual.
Have you heard any catch-phrases lately?
May 17th, 2009
Posted by
TLR |
Life and Work, Personal and Professional Development |
9 comments
